cwest109 Asked April 2012

My mother has severe anxiety and depression. How can I deal with this and not be pulled under myself?

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Mother has Multiple Myeloma. She has been through so much in the past three months and I understand why she is depressed and has severe anxiety. We are working with a psychologist and her doctors to find the right medicines. It seems like when we get on track with one thing another comes up. Her mental health status scares me more than the MM. Mother has stated she does not see any relief in sight for the anxiety. I have to work and feel guilty about being away. Lately, I have been very anxious myself because we don't seem to be making any headway. I don't know how to help her. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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Kimbee Apr 2012
Cindy, thx 4 the prayers, we need them ;). Hope Ur hanging in there, Kim
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cwest109 Apr 2012
Thank you all for your support. I will find the webinar for tomorrow. I am working night shift this week, so I will be able to participate. It has helped me greatly to read your responses. I know that at times we feel as if we are the only ones going through this. I have seen such caring people posting on AgingCare. I have referred other Caregivers at work to this site. I am praying for your guys. Love Cindy
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Kimbee Apr 2012
Eldestdaughter, try looking up the on the web an agency named CancerCare (one word) dot org, rather than a g-search. They are in NY: look for "calendar" on left side of homepage. Listed by date for April 24. Hope U find it! Kim
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I'm new to the group and am unclear on the rule/reg that made it necessary to remove the link to the webinar. I was actually interested in checking it out but, with the link removed, can only google Cancercare webinar----so many returns on those guidewords. Are we not allowed to help one another by sharing resources??
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Care4all Apr 2012
I am so sorry to here about your mother state of mine. I can only give my advice of course of what I feel may be the best choice. As being the CEO of my company Independent Living Elderly Care, I have experience many love ones depressed and so anxious of what will happen next. But do to having a helping hand I have helped many to began to enjoy life. Take them to parks and venture out (only with family permission). And help them see, that even though they may be suffering a hard time still they still have life to enjoy. And I hope one day she can find that relief. If not by finding proper medicines that will help cope, due to daily life, then possibly you can find enjoyable honest care of new people to surround her with love as I'm sure you constantly do yourself. I wish the best for you and your mom! And as I mention if you need help in your area or more advice.
Knowing you care & others may give you a peace of mine :)
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Kimbee Apr 2012
The webinar link was removed--the seminar is offered by CancerCare. They are a nonprofit ORG listed for support groups by NIH. They have online groups and I believe they are a legitimate cancer support resource. I love this site--Didn't mean to violate any guidelines, thought the seminar might be helpful, and it's free ;)
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Kimbee Apr 2012
Hi cwest109,
I'm sorry to hear your mom is having such serious and complex troubles.I am a retired clinical social worker and have seen good results for anxiety with mind/body relaxation techniques (deep breathing is great) as an alternate or adjunct therapy. I found a free workshop on April 24 mid-day that you might be interested in--I think it is a webinar/call in. Maybe you could use your lunch hour to learn some skills or at least things to ask about in counseling. It is directed at a social worker audience, (caregivers ARE social workers, aren't they?) I'm sure you could get some good stuff from it. I would also look into cancer support groups through the American Cancer Society, LiveStrong and National Institute of Health (look at the NIH NCI site for many resources) if you haven't done so already. You can find the registration info for the workshop here: I also noticed they have an upcoming seminar on MM, too. It's good you are talking with your mom about how you each feel and that you can understand why she would feel as she does. Allowing her to talk about how she is feeling mentally is a great gift from you, although surely very difficult for you to hear.Talking will help her work out her feelings. Or, at times, she may prefer to share some of this with a care provider instead, so as not to worry her family. Sometimes people want to "compartmentalize" some of these issues so they don't have to talk about it much, other than during scheduled appointments.Try to feel out each day as you go along. It sounds like you are there for her in the most important ways, try not to feel too guilty for needing to work and for being away; your time at work gives her a predictable time to rest, which she must need. The definition of headway will vary with the complex difficulties you are facing with your mom. As with anything, some days will be better than others and probably with MM complications may be the norm? Accept your mom's feelings and keep showing her love and compassion. Do take care of yourself, so you can be there for her in the most effective way possible. She'll probably need to use your energy when you are not at work. Keep talking and venting to your support systems, as you have done here. Serious disease diagnosis demands a grieving process that takes time and will include many feelings and ups and downs. I'm sure this must be so hard. Keep doing your best, and let us know how things are going. Kim
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