How do I deal with losing my mom and being so angry all the time?

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I am so sorry for everyone's loss. I understand the anger...I feel like a boiling kettle at times. My Mom is still here but in decline at 93. I was told nearly 14 years ago that she had 6 months to 2 years to live. I feel like I have been grieving that long to some degree, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am angry and questioning why God has had her suffer so long. I have put my whole life on hold to get her through this and am angry when others go on vacations and wherever they want and do not ever have to experience this storm of problems and emotions.They have no idea. I am angry at loser 5 star Medicare rated nursing homes for allowing a wound to develop, and another nursing home for when an aide dropped her putting her into a wheelchair and broke poor Mom's leg. I am angry and discouraged at all the promises I have heard from people and they don't come through. Angry at people who blurt out things without thinking before they speak. When going through something like this you see all the flaws in the medical and nursing home rehab system, and in many of the people around you, and it is very very disturbing and discouraging. How could I not be angry at some people's failings for how they have taken care of my Mom or been throughout this whole horrible time? So much is expected of us as caregivers that we get angry when others appear lazy and clueless. We don't have the luxury of being stupid and lazy, and maybe that is good and makes us stronger people.
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I lost my mom when I was 21 & she was only 60. It was a terrible accident she died in a house fire it's been almost 41 years ago but it still seems like only yesterday. I was angry not only at her but God to its taken along time for me to forgive but first I had to forgive my self. Now I'm just sad I still miss her & I loved my mom so much it still hurts & I think about her everyday. But God is in control so I trust in him I will see her again one day.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I'm lossing my mom little at s time. But I find myself wishing God will take her before the woman she was is completely lost. I feel enormous guilt at feeling this way - but there it is.
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Clara, it really would be helpful if you could express more about what type of anger you are feeling, or where you think it's really rooted. Sometimes that's not easy to do, actually, it can be really hard to figure out. But, it helps to embrace it at least enough to understand it if you can. Then you will find it easier to cope and to heal.
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Hi, Clara! First, let me say you are NOT alone! I totally understand what you are feeling, as I am in the same situation... or at least a similar one. I quit my job to take care of my mother who is slowly succumbing to a disease that cannot be cured, and is slowly taking away her abilities one by one as I have to stand by and watch. It makes me angry, too, to know that my hands are tied and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But, I do have comfort in knowing that I can be here for her and try to make the most of every day she has left. It's one of the hardest things I have ever had to do... not because of my own sacrifice, but because it's outside of my power to "fix" it. I cannot make her well again. I cannot give her back her memory, or her joy. I can only love her and care for her to the best of my ability... and then I have to accept that that is enough, even though I feel it isn't. My own anger is more a feeling of helplessness, though it does escalate at times into feelings of resentment toward others, such as my siblings and other family members that don't seem to care enough or do enough. I recognize that it's just my anger taking off in different directions trying to find a place to go, because, honestly, I don't know what to do with it so I just let it go wherever it chooses at times. But, in reality, I also know that it often is misdirected. It's hard to stay focused! Mostly what I want to say is, it's "okay" to feel those feelings! It's normal, and in some way, unknown to us, even healing. Just don't let yourself get too caught up in the negative feelings you are having. Always take time to "breath", and to pray, and to just unwind. It's so hard to take care of yourself when you are trying to take care of someone else who depends on you for everything... but, you have to take care of "YOU", too! I am NOT good at that, but I try the best I can, and the more I try, the better I get at it. I felt guilty every time I took any time for myself, but now I know I must do that if I am to be able to be there for my mother the way she needs me to be... otherwise, I'm a mess! It's a constant struggle, but it is, unfortunately, a necessary part of life. And once you get through it you will find that you are a better person, a stronger person, and a more grateful person for it. You must turn to your constant friend and counselor, your higher power, when you begin to feel lost and alone, and afraid... and angry. No one's to blame. It is life as we must live it. My heart is with you... we are in the same boat!
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I lost my mom last year Dec 5 2013 I still have not gotten over it they say it get easier over time well it's been a year I Still hurt every single day I don't know for those of you that that still has their mom you just don't know how you are going to feel I still have anger.Just saying
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Why have responders to this question ASSUMED that Clara is angry at other people? Clara never stated that. Infact she never stated WHAT exactly she is angry at or ABOUT. If she wishes, I am willing to help her explore her feelings. We cannot know, nor should we assume, what she feels. We can only ask and offer a comforting forum for her to express her truth. I am sorry for your loss, Clara.
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Dear Clare, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, anger is part of the grieving process. I didn't understand my anger when I lost my husband either. My Ricardo died on June 27, 2013. I went through all kinds of emotions as well. Comments such as get over it were hurtful. I am sad to say that I was also angry at God. Like one of the comments in an earlier post, death is part of Gods plan. We know this, but our hearts are filled with so much sorrow that we kind of stand still for months. As noted earlier, prayer is very helpful. I have returned to daily prayer that includes praying for others needs. I find the time devoted to prayer very peaceful. I also am so aware of my husband's presence at times. I truly believe he is always close to me. Trust me, I am not crazy. I believe he is my other guardian angel. May God's peace surround you always. I especially think of Ricardo today as he was a Viet Nam Veteran. Consuelo, November 11, 2014
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I am too angry at times angry that she didnt watch her diabetes and look after herself angry that she never had much of a life and never moved on from dad,angry that my life is onhold,angry that ive no money to spoil her rotten to take her places to make up for all she did for us. furious i cant do her house up like she deserves but im here and im caring and im doing the right thing when she goes there will be so much anger regrets grief but "this too shal pass".
Anger is normal and healthy i know some people who dont show any emotions at all like my brother which i find "scary" be glad you can express this emotion even if we think we shouldnt be angry we have every right to be angry noone deserves to die like this of course we are angry im even angry at God!
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MelissaJ22 - my mom was 55, Im sorry for your loss as well. Hugs to you
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