How do I deal with the anger and hatefulness my mother exhibits daily to me and especially her husband?

Call her bluff. Next time she complains and says she'd be better off in a nursing home, get your coat and purse and tell her to get ready, cause the two of you are going to go look at a nursing home. I'll bet she shuts up.

my 79 y.o. mother has mild stroke related dementia coupled with suspected but never diagnosed schizophrenia. (she was always functional inspite of schizo.) she also has wernenkes aphasia, a severe language disorder from a stroke.

her baseline is that of a kind and gentle person, but when aggitated she is verbally abusive, hostile, manipulative and a skilled sabatour.

have you considered visiting a geriatric psychiatrist?

i made an appt with one, as i was getting to the end of my rope, but loath to put her in an institution. he prescribed a very low dose of ativan for anxiety. choosing to treat for anxiety rather than targeting the dementia or schizophrenia specifically has worked well. we upped her dose to twice a day as the agitation escalated, but she is still on a pretty low dose and has been stable for months now.

at first i didn't embrace the concept of 'medicating' my mom, but the quality of her life and that of her family/caregivers aka me, has increased exponentially in our case. she is her kind self again, only minus the 'evil twin'.

good luck to you and your mom~

Has your mother always treated your dad this way or is this only recent?

They always have argued a lot, but nothing of this proportion. My biggest concern is the "colorful" language she uses even when my young grandchildren are here. If I try to reason with her she just sticks her fingers in her ears and looks away from me. Dad has been nothing but kind and loving towards her, but this seems to make things worse. I am at my wits end on what to do for her. She has made our home a very uncomfortable place to be. My little dog is even terrified of her.

I agree with Naheaton--but I'd have brochures from nursing homes ready to pull out of a drawer and say, "ok, here are some options. let's look at them together." It sounds to me like they both may be better off in a facility where they can both get appropriate help.

Thanks everyone. I have contacted a geriatric psychiatrist, but there is a 7 month waiting period. Her family doc has her on Celexa, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Maybe the 7 month waithing period will pass quickly.

BonnieO,

Thanks for the feed back. 7 months is way too long to wait. A good psychiatrist could make a sound assessment. Sorry but I don't trust general family doctors with mental health meds or hormone treatments. Too often they know just enough to almost be helpful if not downright dangerous to absolutely horrible from my experience.

I agree with breatheasy. If her own physician can't/won't help, then it's time for a geriatric psych doc..
It's about quality of life....your's and your children/grandchildren's also.
The dementia may be frustrating her, but not a reason to make your lives miserable.

Sorry...redundant....didn't read all the way to the last entry.

7 months??? Nothing sooner??? Wow!