How do I deal with family intrusion with my day to day care for my octogenarian mother?
I live w/ my mom in her home. My siblings live in other states. One of them has joint financial accts w/ my mom. I have day-to-day care responsibilities for her. The one on her accts wants full control. My other sibling is supportive & encouraging while offering positive suggestions. This past week my mom had doc appt which resulted in recommendations now that my Dad has been deceased for 1 year: increase her weight (lost 7 #s in 6 mos) & socialize. She does NOT want to socialize but is receptive to me not only managing her meds (vits, pain reliever, recent anti-dep) and recently added Ensure supplement but one sibling NOT being encouraging and supportive may cause her demise. I will be returning to my grief counselor for suggestions & also turning to this website for assistance in this matter as I am sure others have experienced this as well. I will not abandon my mom but was disappointed to see that my brother printed & mailed her a copy of the email I sent re: her doc's dire concerns about her health peppered with compelling statements that, as doc stated: "I don't want to lose you as well". I don't like the talking behind my back when I am not home, not responding to my emails informing sibling in question of things going on here, and the violation of my privacy while sharing the info. Perhaps I went too far involving family members who do not share my desire to do whatever it takes to keep my mom alive!?! I wonder how much should I be sharing. I wonder why others don't share my values. I wonder if my sibling was still living nearby if she would lean on him & not me. He moved 7 years ago to get away from this responsibility but keeps his finger in this pie yet his own mantra is "too many cooks in the kitchen" & we all need to bow out when he is seemingly in charge but when I am managing day-to-day activities, he still wants the control. I know I am not alone & look forward to suggestions anyone has in dealing with this problem. I know others have experiences they can share with me so I can continuing caring for my mom w/ all my heart despite the interference by others. What do you suggest? Yes, counseling, that's for sure. What else can I do? How do I rid myself of the resentment I feel? The feeling of intrusion and interference? How do I deal w/ the gossip that occurs when I am not present? Bottom line: how do I continue to care for my mom & keep my head above water when others are trying to drown me? How do I deal w/ those that are sabotaging what I am doing for my mom. I acknowledge my mom plays a part in this as this person is her "golden boy" & "spouse substitute" if only from a distance. He even says he will visit & then finds reasons to cancel. I know this is long but I sincerely appreciate you reading this, offering suggestions, and encouraging me. Thanks, Peg