My Mom is Mad. How do my sisters and I deal with her emotional roller-coaster??

Mom needs some more time in the facility. Your note doesn't say how long she has been in there. Guilt will consume you and make you unable to function. If this was a decision that you had to make in order for your mother to receive the best care...then kudos to you. I don't know of many parents who say to their adult children..."Thank you for putting me here. This is where I hoped I would be." That is just not going to happen.

So...take care of yourselves and visit Mom when you can. Don't go everyday...maybe once a week. Bottom line is that you must believe in your heart that this was the best decision for her.

Ummm. This is not a nice siutation. I'm picking up on your words..."Checking" her into the Nursing home...." and " "we cannot give her the care at home she needed anymore" , and .......Mom's "abuse" and sobbing every time we visit her...
First, the decision to put her in a nursing home is not an easy one. Did your mother fully meet the requirements of Activities of Daily Life?....Eating, bathing, Bathroom, Sleeping? Was she totally unable to do these things? I get the feeling that this decision was one of "I've had it with her ", or " I can't take it anymore". If this was the case, then be honest, and come clean with yourselves. No wonder your mother is angry. I'd be angry too, and long for my own home. My advice is to let her be. Don't visit so often if it upsets you and her. You put her there, now live with that decision. Rather than " go crazy ourselves"......why don't you just stay away?

When we had to put my grandmother in a nursing home in the 1970's she also would cry and yell at her children (my father and his brothers and sister) saying that she is never out of her room,etc. But one of the nurses suggested that we come in during off visiting hours. My grandmother was in the Rec room participating in activities (including doing the hula) and another time bowling from her wheelchair. Maybe you can ask the staff when she goes for therapy or activities and come in then to "secretly" watch.

Each relationship and circumstance is different. Battered seems to know what she wants to do and how to handle her moms care - kudos to her.

Is the house still there? Perhaps move her back in with a daily "well check" by a visiting nurse is the solution, and a caregiver for hours of the day as needed. There are diabetic alert dogs who can smell an attack. If her condition deteriorates steadily, then there will be a time when even she will know it's time. May not like it, but might more accept it.

If she is in the home for good, then don't just come visit like it's a prison. That's what my sister does, show up with a mylar balloon and say "Just came by to see how you're doing?" and if things aren't doing well, she freezes and says well, here's a balloon. What no teddy bear?

You Mom's been imprisoned against her will...how would you like it? Apparently she's has enough sense of self and sense of freedom to NOT appreciate that this is for her own good.

If she is in there "for good," then see if she can be taken out for long outings to your houses, church, to the beach, to a movie, restaurants, concert. "Come on Mom, let's get you out of here for the afternoon. Should we go to the lake?" Then when you arrive, you are there to liberate her instead of just check on her. You could also hire caregivers to do these things if you can't make it. If you can't take her out then bring civilization to her. My Mom would be in heaven if someone watched the more recent Andre Rieu videos with her. Over and over and over. The one in NYC is a hoot. The DVD "The Promise of Music" is edge of your seat inspiring documentary and concert about Gustavo Dudamel and Venezuela's world class youth orchestra. That's my mom's "life vein," watching great music videos.

Unless people out there understand what you are going through, as they say, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I however do understand what you are saying.

My Mother is very beligerant, mean and cruel. She does not have a nice thing to say about anyone and I mean anyone. She uses the ambulance service as her own personal taxi service to the hospital when she is wanting attention, which is quite often. She was told not too long ago that if she didn't smarten up, I was going to put her in a home. Since then, she has gotten better, and she still phones me 4-5 times a day just to gripe and complain. I have over the last year tried to distance myself from her when she attempted to break up my marriage with her lies.

My best advise to you and your sisters is to leave her alone for 30 days. It is common practice for families to stay away while the senior gets accustomed to the new environment. Your Mother is doing this to you because she can and because she knows it gets to you.

If she continues this behavior, simply tell her to have a nice day and leave. When she finally starts to understand that she can not get to you, she will change.....for the better I hope.

i just came back home from visiting dad in rehab . i was so upset i couldnt see straight ! after dinner somebody wheeled my father to his room and closed the door behind him , i opened the door thinkin cna is changin him , nope he was almost out of his wheelchair trying to get in bed , he has a bad back and cant sit in wheelchair too long . tv was not on and the nurse call button was hangin up on the curtain .
i ask to see the lady that wheeled him in his room , all denied doing it , so somebody is liein to me . one girl said uh that person left . yeah right whatever ..
i was begin nice and ask notto close that door anymore . well i am going to yank him outta there after tues the meeting cuz i do need to talk to the dr and see whats going on and will tell them im takin dad out and explain why . i told my the nurse my dad wore the same outfit since lastnight and his teeth is so nasty dirty his hair smells bad . he is not in a good hands there as i thought it be a good place . oops wrong !!!
it is no wonder they all cry wanna go home !
like i said before one on one is better than 10 on one .
he wentthere cuz of his uruin tract infection and almost died so go to rehab to build his strength back and they did , phyiscal therpary did wonderful job , its the cna care it sucks !! i say get your mom out ofthat place and get her back home , where they call it home sweet home !

Take him home. Care for him (with help) by yourself.
CNA's are low-paid employees who would rather not work.

yes he is coming home tuesday after the first meeting and . in a way im not lookin frwd to it but then again i am .
he has gotten a lit bit worst shape , his mind is slipping , but of course leavin him there would causes that ..
cries everyday wanna come home , poor guy !!! am trying to stock up all the wood i can get , that is for our woodstove . winter is coming gotta keep dad warm ....

I can relate to this completely. My mom has osteoporosis and multiple myeloma. She was living in her house alone and my brother and his wife were bringing her food but didn't check on her daily. She deteriorated. I live 200 miles away and went down to bring her home with me for a while which has turned into permanently. We have nurses and home health come in but she needs someone here constantly. I can't even pull weeds without checking on her every hour or so. I have a brother and sister who have just washed their hands of it and have left me with this high and dry. I am a single parent of four kids. Mom is angry and abusive and demanding. Get me my water, help me dress, etc. I have to hide her pill box or she medicates herself even while I'm in the bathroom. I have summers off because I work for a school district but don't know what I'm going to do when I have to go back to work in 5 weeks. I know she doesn't mean to be abusive towards me but it has really affected my mental health to the point where I am on antidepressants. I can't imagine putting her in a nursing home although I wonder if I am capable of taking care of her. I have had one CNA class only. I am so angry at my siblings and there are days when I just want my life back. I was paying for everything for her, taking her to appointments (2, 3 times a week) buying groceries, etc.) I was going broke. I finally asked her to contribute a small amount toward bills and she got really angry at me. I am house bound with her and I haven't spent any time with my kids or my horse. I am a wreck but I know in the end I will be happy I did this.