How do you deal with a secret that you wish you didn't know about?
My mother who is 81 has begun showing the early signs of dementia. Today while we were waiting for her doctor, she told me that my grandmother was raped while she was in a nursing home 20 years ago, as was her room mate at the time. My mother told me she choose not to say anything to anyone and just let it go.
Just a few weeks earlier she brought up an incident when I was about 5 years old where a male babysitter molested me. It was an incident that was never talked about after I told my parents and I have dealt with it and had not thought about it in years. I don't know why she thought now was a good time to tell me about the rape and talk about the molestation.
I have 3 sisters and we are all involved with her care and are helping with getting her into a good assisted living facility. I don't know if I should tell them about the rape incident or leave it for her to tell them?
I am hurt and confused that she would treat her mother this way. I knew that they had a contentious relationship, and I often saw my mother berate and in someways mistreat her.
Is this just part of the dementia and is just less able to filter what is appropriate to share. Any information or help will be appreciated.
This information about my grandmother has left me feeling bewildered and angry that should could be so callous and uncaring while her 4 daughters are going through hops to insure that she is well taken care of and safe.