I feel like I'm doing everything for my parents. It leaves me feeling frustrated and alone. How can I cope?

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does anyone know of a support group for caregivers in hackensack area new jersey It is so hard to care for my dad who has short term memory and has prostate cancer My mother cant handle his care and creates more problems than help. I feel like im doing everything like cooking, going to the dr, asking questions
help!!!

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These forums are a good way to assure yourselves that you are not alone. I spent two decades caring for a total of seven elders (and two children, one of whom has chronic health problems). The idea of "going public" with my frustration and isolation - that I couldn't handle it alone - didn't even occur to me. Of course, there weren't many options when I was so deluged with elders. Now, there is so much more. The National Family Caregiver's Association is very good (and CAPS, as was mentioned above).

Reaching out is vital. Thirty percent or more of the caregivers die before those they care for. Support can make all the difference to the caregiver's health and even survival.
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DonnaJean,
So many times I've felt the same way. Both my parents are requiring more consistent care. My father is beginning to have pretty bad dementia and my mom is failing under the weight of caring for him. I am cooking, cleaning, taking dad to dr appointments, working a full-time job and trying to care for my own home, 11yr old child and still provide for my husbands needs and my own. I'm only 43 and I feel like I'm 80 most days. I seem to take on many of the same ailments my mom contstantly complains of and it irritates me because I don't want to feel this way. I'm sure it's from stress and depression. I am working hard to continue to set boundaries and stick with them. But, it is very good to be involved in a support group and have other people to talk to who are going through similiar situations. It helps encourage when you tell funny stories or hear funny stories and it definitely helps you to not feel alone in this sad journey.
I wish you well from Florida!
Hugs,
Bea
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There is an organization called the Well Spouse Association that is set up to help spouses deal with the hardships of caregiving. They can be reached at 800-838-0879 or www.wellspouse.org.

As an adult child of aging parents, you might find this organization helpful: Children of Aging Parents at Caps4Caregivers.org.

Good luck.
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gavin49 Thanks so much i will call them. Its nice to know people are in the same boat!!!
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I am so tired, my husband 6o years old, third stroke, dementia, married only 5 years. Isolated, friends not coming around, have three wonderful children, daughter-in-law, 4 grandchldren. I am scared, exhauseted and sad. Siblings won't call, come around. Why? I have always been there for family and now everyone is gone. Husband has therapy at home for now. Nothing can be done, severe brain atrophy and maybe Parkinsons on set.
I know I sound pitiful, always have been strong, I am 51. Feel like a hermit.
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Hi, I know you feel like a hermit but hang in there. things could always be worse,Try and focus on what you are grateful for right now. Family should stick by you but most people dont want to deal with this stuff if they dont have to and if your doing everything they will stay in denial.Rent some fun movies and read some good books. There is a book called the 36 hour day which may help you feel that your not alone in being alone if that makes sence. Use this site to chat anytime with me. Maybe you can hire someone for one day so you can get out a litlle,Go for a little walk I know it sucks and your husband is young Im so sorry
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Dear Tiredonenow:

This is so sad, and I can relate. When you give of yourself it's only natural to hope that it will be reciprocated when needed. Plus, being married only 5 years probably makes you feel quite shortchanged. What I have found is that people feel akward and really don't know how to help. Reaching out to them and asking specifically for help in certain areas could do the trick. Even the strongest of people have their limits. Speaking with a therapist could be very helpful in getting you through this difficult time. You need a release and a third party could help guide you in many ways.

You are too young to become a hermit from all of this. All caregivers need to make time for themselves to stay sane and strong for those they love. You will likley be around much longer than your husband, so find things you like to do and intersperse them with the time spent helping your husband. When my father-in-law died after a long illness, he turned to my mother-in-law and said, "Maybe now you can have some fun." He loved her completely but knew the toll his illness took on her. He probably would have liked to see her create more time for herself during the caergiving period.

Extra prayers for you.
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Thank you both, I was up until 1:30am last night wondering wha to do, yes I will check into getting some help so I can get out, have a jack russell that has been a blessing, church came over yesterday.
Not feeling myself today. Will make some calls
Thanks again, God Bless
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Again ..gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!! I was so frustrated the other day at my parents house. My dad is healing from prostate cancer lazer surgery and just recently we have been haveing alot of trouble with the catheda(sp?) My friend is taking her mom for chemo treatments and i thought thank you god that its not my dad. So it can always be worse but hope you are feeling better Our pets help so much!!Glad you have one!! Breathe!!!
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SO nice to hear from others. I agree we do have a lot to be thankful for but we do deserve a break as well. Talking like this helps.
Thank you
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