How can I cope with my widowed mother who is mean and emotionally disturbed when I'm ill?
My mom is 78 and living alone in Iowa. I am in Texas with my husband and son. My father passed away in August 2010, and in March 2011 we asked my mother to come live with us. She sold the house and brought everything to Texas. Then the trouble began. She had to go back to Iowa when it was Memorial Day. She had to go back in June because she was upset. She had to go back in August for the anniversary of Dad's passing. The whole time she was here I was a wreck. She would have tantrums, not speak, make horrible faces indicating she was dissatisfied or unhappy, refuse to go anywhere, pretend to fall, always complaining of diarrhea and arthritis, refuse to eat..the list goes on and on. In November she packed and left in the middle of the day without a word.
I have been so stressed. I was stressed with her here and stressed with her there. Because I have MS, my husband says let her go - let her be alone and to just let her do whatever. I've had a mild relapse and now my neurologist wants me back on medicaton. We even changed my cell number so she can't call and harrass me. (One Sunday she was texting me from 9 am until after 5 pm until he told her to stop it.) I am at fault for so much stuff and I'm sick of being guilty all the time when I haven't done anything.
I guess one of the clenchers is that she wants $5000 from me. Whe she lived here we were putting our house on the market and she paid to have some work and remodeling done - the whole time saying that she was helping us and we didn't owe her a thing. Now it's a new story. I don't have that money and I don't feel she is owed it, either. She also gave away most all of her furniture that was in storage because she didn't want to pay for storage. The furniture went to my husband's family.
She never stops. Something is always wrong and she is always ill. Now she's upset because a brother of her's is dying. And her twin brother is in poor health. Of course she's told me how when they pass away she'll be all alone. I can't see us with her in our house again. I already want to cry all the time. My job even sent me to see our psychologist. He told me to stay away from her!!
I want to do what a child is supposed to do for a parent. I want to help her, but my body just isn't taking all the bickering and anger and crying. I can't stand much more and my heart is breaking for her in some ways.
What in the world do I do for her or do with her?? Or do I do without her in my life??