How to convince an elderly couple to live together & not marry?

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Dad is a young 70, plays golf 2-3x's a week. His fiance' is an old 80 in poor physical health. Dad is in 50K in debt and not paid. I just think it would be best for them to live together but she is pushing to marry quickly. Honestly, I just don't see this as a good match. She is going to end up needing more care than he can give and I think he will resent it later. I know there is nothing I can do and I am staying out of their business, but it hurts to make him make another bad decision when it comes to women. I just think its better if they live together and then if it doesn't work out no harm done. A little encouragement would be nice from the forum. I know it is none of my business. Is it true that seniors that marry, it can really mess up medicare, their insurance, social security and put a more financial burden on them as a married couple than if they lived together.

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I second Cattails' suggestion. An attorney who specializes in elder law could give them objective input on the practical implications -- if they care.

Did you know that some couples actually divorce (or did in the past -- that loophole may have tightened up) to preserve assets for the well spouse to live on? I'm very much in favor of any two people being able to legally marry if they want to, but I often wonder why they want to.

Without marriage they should be especially careful to have clear health care directives, etc.

But if they do marry, please welcome her into the family with open arms.

Here is a little story for thought. One of my young co-workers was from her father's second family. He already had grown children when he married a much younger woman. My friend tells that her mother's family was scandalized (as she heard later). They said, "Those poor children will graduate and get married with only one parent! What are those crazy people thinking?" And my friend reports that indeed, when she graduated from high school she had only one living parent. Her mother died of cancer. Her father was taking college courses at the time I knew the daughter -- and he was 93!

So sometimes things don't happen in the order and way we expect them to.

I hope things work out for the best, whether wedding bells ring or not.
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Shellbell: Maybe you can suggest to your dad that he and his fiance visit an elder attorney to understand what financial and medical issues could be affected by marriage. Good luck, Cattails
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