What do you do when the constant negativity and frequent attacks have worn you down and you feel like you've tried everything?

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In your profile you mentioned that these attacks are physical as well. I am afraid that your Mom may be exhibiting the more extreme symptoms of Alz.
Have you consider a placement in a facility where they are experienced in dealing with her illness?
I have learned from all the wonderful members of this forum, that when your parents' behavior effects your quality of life, it is time to consider alternatives for their care. Your Mother will benefit from the change too. Then you will have the energy to continue being her loving daughter.
good luck
Robin, you are feeling the reality of the fact that you are being abused and that by someone who is very sick. This is not a safe environment for yourself, your sixteen year old or your husband, much less healthy for your marriage and your own well being. I agree with what Illiput stated above. For the sake of your own survival and the well being of everyone in your family, it is time for your mom to live elsewhere. BTW, what is your husband's input on all of this? I realize she is your mom, but he deserves some input on all this as well. What do your two children think and feel? I noticed on your profile that you have been married to the same man for many years, wonderful news, but at the same time makes me wonder if your not having some worries about your marriage with all of this on you. I might be wrong, but thought I'd ask.
Thank you for your responses, I apologize for not giving you more info First of all my mothers attacks are not physical they are verbal and they are constant when she is in her mood. I survived growing up with her until I met my husband who taught me how real people act. He and 16 yr daughter are supportive they love her and try to get along with her but it is impossible sometimes. This is normal for her, I know dementia, old age, and many ailments contribute to her behavior but I also know it is somewhat normal. I have been responsible for her sense my stdad became ill in 99, she fell in 08 and after hosp and rehab she began living with me. There was no help available then and none now. I have one sister in town that was so abused she stays away. The other in Tn. would not be able to tolerate her needs. I am looking for a support group to attend. I have all the symptoms of burnout. And might I add that we all love our mother deeply. W
I can sure understand your two sisters staying away, but you are burning out from being the chosen one who still has to put up with her abuses, old age related problems or not, and probably compounded by her abusiveness. What does your husband think? If it were me, I would be very mad at how abusive she was being to you and knowing the past wonder why you put up with it which would lead me to search for somewhere else for her to live.
Does she take any meds for her nasty disposition? When my Mother gets mouthy, I tell her--firmly and in her face--to knock it off, that we don't speak to people like that in our home. I took a lot of abuse from her when I was a child, but thankfully, I grew up to be a healthy, loving individual. I think FEAR makes them that way, maybe a mood disorder, and also getting away with it for so long. It's simply not acceptable to be treated like that by anyone. It's also good if you can emotionally DETACH from her--you can still LOVE her, but loving the abuse is a real problem.
Have you mentioned her behavior to her doctor? My mother isn't abusive but was depressed and moody. She started taking Aricept for her dementia about six weeks ago and she has gained three pounds, she is remembering to do things that we use to have to remind her, and her mood has improved. I realize this may not work for some (the patch did nothing for her), but it maybe worth a try. Wish you the best!
dear cmagnum, thank you for you response, my husband feels exactly like you think he should feel. But she is blackmailing me. And I can't believe I just said that but its TRUE. She told me in rehab that if I put her in a nursing home that would she would get even. Perhaps she is brain damaged but its so hard to even care, because of our past. Now how can I get someone like that to go elsewhere?
More manipulation, Robin. YOU are in control. Don't take it!!!
DETACH. You can do it!!! We are cheering you on!! GO ROBIN!!!
dear christina28 I agree with you on all three counts, mood, fear and getting away with it. I almost stay detached. I'm happy for you that you survived the example your mother set for you. I know its hard.
robinlovewest, Susan Forward wrote a great book, Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.

I glad that unlike what my wife did for several years that you are not hiding behind your husband's pants and asking him to fight your battle with your mom for you. Nothing is going to change until like my wife you set some boundaries, some consequences and stand up to her yourself. You have the strength, but need more confidence in yourself. You may even need the help of a therapist to get there. I hope your husband is not so frustrated that he's nagging you about it, but believe me, he is probably feeling very alone and would like to have his wife back from his abusive MIL. Sorry to write such a blunt typical male perspective on this, but if he is like me he might not be saying all that he feels because he can see how burned out you are because he's probably trying to be supportive and does not want to burden you. If I am wrong about this, I'm wrong and thus disregard the above.

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