What do you do when the constant negativity and frequent attacks have worn you down and you feel like you've tried everything?

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I agree with cmagnum, Robin. You and your husband are a team, and together, you present a stronger front. It is psychologically comforting, as well, for you to think this way and align with him to manage your Mother. Please keep talking to everyone here and reading(listening) to the wisdom of friends:)
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Dear fixer, I'm gonna try more Aricept, yes it def worth a try! Thank You!
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sorry I wasn't finished, I am more than inspired to take better care of myself and my family. I am searching for answers and thankful I tried this source of support. I'm gonna have a long talk with my husband soon.
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Thank all of you so much for caring enough to help us. I may read the book. I am will def.talk to hubby too. I already know how my daughter feels.
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robinlovewest, Susan Forward wrote a great book, Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.

I glad that unlike what my wife did for several years that you are not hiding behind your husband's pants and asking him to fight your battle with your mom for you. Nothing is going to change until like my wife you set some boundaries, some consequences and stand up to her yourself. You have the strength, but need more confidence in yourself. You may even need the help of a therapist to get there. I hope your husband is not so frustrated that he's nagging you about it, but believe me, he is probably feeling very alone and would like to have his wife back from his abusive MIL. Sorry to write such a blunt typical male perspective on this, but if he is like me he might not be saying all that he feels because he can see how burned out you are because he's probably trying to be supportive and does not want to burden you. If I am wrong about this, I'm wrong and thus disregard the above.
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dear christina28 I agree with you on all three counts, mood, fear and getting away with it. I almost stay detached. I'm happy for you that you survived the example your mother set for you. I know its hard.
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More manipulation, Robin. YOU are in control. Don't take it!!!
DETACH. You can do it!!! We are cheering you on!! GO ROBIN!!!
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dear cmagnum, thank you for you response, my husband feels exactly like you think he should feel. But she is blackmailing me. And I can't believe I just said that but its TRUE. She told me in rehab that if I put her in a nursing home that would she would get even. Perhaps she is brain damaged but its so hard to even care, because of our past. Now how can I get someone like that to go elsewhere?
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Have you mentioned her behavior to her doctor? My mother isn't abusive but was depressed and moody. She started taking Aricept for her dementia about six weeks ago and she has gained three pounds, she is remembering to do things that we use to have to remind her, and her mood has improved. I realize this may not work for some (the patch did nothing for her), but it maybe worth a try. Wish you the best!
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Does she take any meds for her nasty disposition? When my Mother gets mouthy, I tell her--firmly and in her face--to knock it off, that we don't speak to people like that in our home. I took a lot of abuse from her when I was a child, but thankfully, I grew up to be a healthy, loving individual. I think FEAR makes them that way, maybe a mood disorder, and also getting away with it for so long. It's simply not acceptable to be treated like that by anyone. It's also good if you can emotionally DETACH from her--you can still LOVE her, but loving the abuse is a real problem.
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