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My sister claims that she has a letter from my mother's physician claiming some type of incompetency. When I called the doctor's office I was told there is nothing like this documented in her file anywhere. My sister has worked for this doctor under the table for 8 years. First of all, shouldn't this document have been in mom's chart for all to see? Second of all, if it's not in her chart as the office says can I fight this letter saying it is a "conflict of Interest" and my mother should be evaluated elsewhere?

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I'd love to report her to the IRS. That's what my uncle said to do too. I'm not that vindictive and I don't want any more drama in our lives than we have. I will wait until all this other stuff is resolved and then will move forward with several charges against her and her husband if necessary.
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How about distracting your sister a bit by reported her to the IRS?
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You have a right to get a second opinion. Do it...clsichasi
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Get a geriatrician, who can make a better judgement as a specialist, and maybe even an elder care attroney. You may be better off to get limited guardianship and/or just rely on a well-written POA if you only have to deal with finances and medical matters. But, if you have to pre-empt a sibling who may not have her best interests in mind and might scheme to get back legal control, the attorney could help advise so you can do what needs to be done!
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How do I protect both mom and I? I'm trying to get her a new physician and then have her re-evaluated by another unbiased party. I am also going to try to get guardianship over her but I don't know if I can. She just cannot do her finances and take her medicines. Other than that she is ok. She works 3 days a week and bathes herself, irons her clothes, fixes her hair and makeup, cleans her apartment and cooks for herself. The doctor is not a family member but my sister has worked under the table watching his son for 7 or 8 years.
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As far as I know, doctors are not allowed to treat family members or comment on their medical records because it is unethical and they are tooo close to the situation to be objective. I had this problem with my brother and sisters. I was the primary caregiver forover 20 years. My mother was very ill. My sibs knew she was sick. I handled all of the finances. When she developed a delirium, my sibs tried to declare her incompetent so they could take over everything. This included trying to place her in a facility, something that was contrary to her wishes. They ignored her until she was dying. The hospital refused to declare her incompetent...you have to wait 6 months to a year to see if a delirium will clear. They could not do what they wanted to, which was to put her in a home, sell the house or rent it so they could make money. So while my mother was dying and I was caring for her, they were pretending she was dead and trying to profit. I fought them and the doctors and friends backed me up. No only did they not help in caring for my mother, they did not live in the same city for over 40 years.
You have to protect yourself and your mother. When she died, they have been using their positions as doctors to lie about the medical records and claim my mother was not sick, even though I have all of the medical records to prove it, including all of the doctors and nurses, neighbours, etc. She had over 49 hospital admissions and 76 ER visits.
My advice is protect yourself and your mother. Greed and money and death do terrible things to people. The most educated people can become greedy little children. My experience has also taught me that as a caregiver you are vulnerable and unprotected. Protect yourself and get your mother to help protect her and herself. There are various levels of capacity. A person may not remember what they ate for breakfast, but they still can understand how they want heir finnaces conducted or that they want to die at home. Protect your mother and yourself from the non-caregiving siblings...especially the ones with the medical degress....the courts will believe the heresay statements of a doctor over the factual evidence of a caregiver with all of the witrnesses, at least that has been my experience....don't end up like me...protect yourself as a caregiver....you are worthy!!!
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My brother acted as my father's primary physician after my Dad's strokes. It was a disaster. He downplayed Dad's condition to everyone except to me when I confronted him. After 8 months, the hospital ( the one my brother has worked at for about 30 years) came to me and told me I had to make some decisions since my brother would not face reality. My mother was totally unprepared for Dad's death and some of my once closest family members shun me. My mother and I are fine. I am her primary caregiver. If the laws in my state had indicated that my brother's control was unethical, my family would have faced reality and helped. My father, the other doctors, and I handled the choices at the end. I was so alone, and my father suffered for so long even though he asked to be allowed to die in peace.
Your sister's attempt to control issues may have started out of love, but your mother deserves to be fought for and given every opportunity to let the doctors discover what is best for her. Bless you for protecting your mother. I know it is not easy and feelings fluctuate between anger and questioning your own decisions. I discovered that as long as you have the ability to look at the situation from your parent's perspective, you can handle what has to be done. Best wishes!
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I agree with you. The POA and will we changed and notarized yesterday. We now need to move forward in getting the new POA's out to the banks and such.
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Good for you - you are doing the right thing. I think that your sis got some misinformation about PoAs. She may believe, that if she gets a docs report verifying diminished capacity, she will stay on the PoA. Unfortunately for her it is a little more complicated than that. And if this doc is doing something inappropriate, due to his friendship with your sis, he ought to be reported too.
At 82, your Mom shouldn't have to deal with this (or you as well). Bless you for not letting anyone take advantage of her.
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Mom lives with me and we are changing her POA and will tomorrow to get my sister off. My uncle will be taking over for mom and my sister told him she has something from the doctor but nothing is in her chart but she does not know the doctor's office told me this. She told my uncle that she is in charge of all my mom's doctors and everything has to go through her. Well, as of tomorrow hopefully that will all change and my mom can get the peace she so much deserves as she turns 82 on Thursday.
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I would be suspicious and, yes, do contest it if you find it inappropriate. I have had several family members and friend's sibs try and do this. They think that somehow they will be able to take over their finances and start helping themselves to their parents' coffers.
Where is your Mom now? I would have an independent analysis done. The other thing I am leary of is doctors who have absolutely no training in diagnosing Alz or Dem. This happens because it is a completely anecdotal evaluation and docs, who are not as adept, are just bending to the will of the family in order to have their loved one committed.
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