What can you do when you are concerned with the care your Alzheimer's patient is receiving?

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An elderly husband and wife who were neighbors and who both have Alzheimer's were placed in an Alzheimer's care facility in Stockton by family who live out of town. Two of us neighbors have visited twice in the afternoon and we are very concerned about the care they are getting. The lady could walk using her cane or her walker when they entered the facilty and now she cannot walk. It takes two of us to just get her out the room door to the patio. We could not get the wheelchair to fit through the door outside. When we have visited, she is always in bed. She fell and injured her arm and her daughter says they said she fell out of bed. Her upper arm was bandaged and there were two bruse marks that looked exactly like finger marks below the bandaged area. It is absolutely true that most of what they say does not make sense; however, what we are able to observe really concerns us. The husband wanted out but was told he would have to leave his wife and he indicated that he could not do this. The lady always says she is just fine and happy and getting long ok no matter what. Now he is saying everything is good and he is happy. I believe he has been taught to say this. Seeing them the way they are is breaking my heart. One time when we came the door was locked and we had to knock loudly several times and call their names before they unlocked the door. It is my understanding that the staff told family that they should not come to visit until the husband adjusted. Even non-family could not visit for three weeks. After three weeks, we called and asked what time we could visit and were told that they were still not allowed visitors. The daughter was next door cleaning out the mobile home and I talked to her. She said she did not see why non-family friends could not visit and called and we were allowed to visit. Since the husband was not wanting to stay, it is my understanding that staff recommended they not come fo another three weeks. We tried to go after dinner yesterday; however, they are closed to visitors at 5:00 p.m We have asked them if they participate in any activities and they said they don't know of any. The lady's toe nails were very, very long. We are just so afraid for their wellbeing. We think the lasy may just get in a wheelchair to eat and then go back to bed. Is there anything we can do since the family seems to have fallen hook, line and sinker on what staff tells them? When we ask questions of the staff, they say that they cannot talk to us--only to the family member in charge. We are going again after I get off work at 3:00 p.m. today. We just wnat to know if there is any process for our concerns.] Thanks.

Answers 1 to 3 of 3
I understand exactly when you are feeling. They are blessed to have you. I am 74 years old and in poor health. I took care of my husband for over 10 years. He has been diagnosed with advanced stages of Dementia and Parkinsons disease and incompetent. He has 8 grown children, 5 live in California. When my doctors concluded I could no longer care for him, a social worker was assigned to my case.
She was ready to place him in a facility for care near our apartment here in Las Vegas. I telephoned his children to make them aware of the circumstances and they telephoned to say they would be picking him up several days later to "give me a break." Based on the conversation, I was led to believe once I was back on my feet, they would bring him back. Unfortunately, they admitted him into a nursing home in Manteca, California near their homes only two days later. They blame me for this situation and no longer allow me to gather information from the nursing home, or will they talk to me about him. I telephone the nursing home for updates on his condition, but the information is limited and tell me "you are not on the authorized family list" so they will not release any information on him. This is a second marriage for the both of us. We have been together for the past 16 years. Had I anticipated his childrens attitudes, I would have obtained a power of attorney before he was deemed incompetent.My attorney states we have equal legal rights, however if they disagree with my decisions in any matter regarding his care or financial needs, I must take them to family court with an retainer fee of $5000. which I don't have. I worry about his care, as I am not certain how much they follow up on. I assume not much. I continue to recieve all his medical bills eventhough I have not been consulted in any of his medical decisions. I understand you can register a complaint with the state if you feel they are being neglected, or enter a complaint on their website.
Without a power of attorney, I find there is little that can be done. I have since drawn up one for myself for my children to avoid any confusion in my situation. My children also have put power of attorneys in place for themselves. Good luck to you and for your neighbors welfare.
Contact your local Department of Aging Protective services and file an anonymous complaint. The will investigate your concerns. Please follow you gut and make sure these folks are being taken care of. As they age they just go with the flow because they just want someone to take care of them and it's heartbreaking. Please call DPOA immediately and report it. Better safe than sorry!
A power of attorney". is insufficient for your purposes. You require a "Durable Power of Attorney" because technically, a P of A is voided by the grantor's incompetency during his/her lifetime. And , by the way, a P of A is voided by death so it is worthless as a substitute for a will.

You are in Nevada and the patients are in California. That sets the jurisdiction in California. You cannot file anything in your home state but you can bring the matter to the attention of the law. Your police Department will have a division to help but I do not think that anyone can force the nursing home to disclose information and you might well be wasting your time & money to hire a Nevada attorney for this purpose.

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