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I am living with my Mom. I need some advice on how best to communicate with her. Mom sits in her walker next to her bed, most of the day, going over dr.s statements of services (paid already, worried that Medicare or secondary insurance did not pay the correct amount. Or Mom might be looking over the copies of the electric bill, thinking she was overcharged. I have a lot to write about and I would like some one to talk to. Family members act like I do not live here, and do not talk to me. I have lived here for aproximately 17 years

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I was able to get Mom home health care. The caregiver quit the other day. We had her through a private agency. Caregiver smoked cigarettes, once in a while, I should have done something, but Mom, said it didn't bother her....that caregiver would go outside to smoke. .. Mom says she will miss her, but she complained about her doing things the wrong way, or not putting things in the right place. Mom did not trust her to run erands for her. So now what? Mom told me the caregiver quit because she could not work in a hostile environment. I work ft, was able to get intermediate FMLA...... time off to be with Mom, when she needs me around, whether she likes it or not. I usually get her feeling better within 3 days...... but not this time.... I am not very positive about being able to help Mom, now. She sees her pulmonary specialist every 3 months, ..... He has been with her for aproximately 25 yrs. or more.
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Thank you txmaggie for your comment. I guess I have to wait for emails to come to me, for each response. This is a little slow. So far, I have read some really encouraging material. I think I will be glad I signed up today. Going to bed now. I am tired. bye, night, night
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txmaggie, LOL. You posted as I was writing, and didn't read yours because I was still composing. I think we have fairly similar thoughts. Tag team, anyone? Bless you and Sally both!
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Are her needs met? Does she need something she's not willing to part with the money for? Does she have total control of her finances, or do you have POA, etc.? How is her judgement? Is her thinking clear, or lacking?

What do you think is going on with the family dynamics that keep them from calling? And what would you like to see change?

Are you able to discuss things with your mother? Fear sometimes prevents people from making decisions, and so does depression. What do you think needs to happen with your Mom?

If you've read some of the other threads and posts on this site, you already know that many of us struggle sometimes in relation to our parents and/or siblings. Strange how it works that way. I hope you find some of the answers you are seeking. Be patient, giving others a chance to respond. Perhaps you'll find something that resonates, and can guide you along the journey. Just know you're not alone, and that many here can relate and emphasize with your situation and feelings. Keep writing, and welcome! Thanks for sharing your story. Take care.
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Am I correct in seeing several issues here? One is lack of family support? An the other is your mom's money obsession?

Family support: I think if you peruse some of the postings, you'll see that many caregivers feel unsupported (which is the nice way to say it), abandoned, or even the object of antagonism by their families. If you look through previous postings, maybe you can find something to help you.

Money issues: this always comes up with caregivers. Who controls the money, who is worried about spending it (sometimes the parents, sometimes the siblings), parents not wanting to give up control. If your mom has plenty of money to pay bills, and going over the bills in detail gives her some comfort, or if she's "tight" with her money, is this really a problem? I know watching your parents be so tight can be difficult, but if the bills ultimately get paid is this an issue? Or do you find yourself having to make a lot of phone calls to resolve issues? Or is her "tightness" with money just driving you nuts?
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Thank You for responding. It took me a while to find the responses. No other family members will talk to me. They do not call me. They once in a great while call Mom. My Mom is obsessed with money. She has a lot of it and when my Dad was alive, He would say, spend some money, go out and buy yourself some clothes, etc..... I remember waiting for 1 year, for Mom to make up her mind on a new microwave. Dad used to say, if you do not make up your mind about buying certain things, I will buy it myself and bring it home..
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Hi Sally,
I think a lot of us have been through the financial route with our parents. I don't know how old she is or if she lived through the great depression. Many of the folks who lived through that are very concerned about finances, bills, costs of items, spending too much money, etc. I've taken over mom's financial stuff, but she still actually measures out the milk to be sure she isn't drinking "too much" because she thinks I pay too much and she worries about things like that. So is it just the money issues, is it the day to day caregiving issues? Do other family members live with you? Tell us what you need.
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Hi Sally, it sounds like you have several issues to deal with here; one being Mom, and the other family members. Concerning your Mom, does she have a diagnosis? Are you your Mom's Caregiver? I'm not a "professional," but a daughter who is caring for my Mom, Dad, and FIL. We've been through some major hurdles in the last few years, so perhaps I can bounce some ideas around with you.
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