How do you make peace with being a caregiver to dysfunctional parents?
I'm 38 years old and an RN. My mother is in end stage renal failure, getting ready for dialysis. I have one older sibling, who is mentally ill (schizoeffective disorder, but high functioning). I am mentally ill also (treatment resistant depression and OCD). I have been on disability for 5 years, but now I am stable and going back to work. My mother has borderline personality disorder, and she was a terrible parent. To an extent, she still is. She's very narcissistic. Now that she has ESRD, she expects my brother to go on FMLA and me to stay on SSD so that we can cater to her every whim, and take her to every appointment. I signed her up for a disabled-only transportation program, and I gave her information about a house cleaning business, a senior companion service and a food shopping business. She rejected everything but the transportation program, insisting that my brother and I can food shop, clean, cook and help her as she needs. She feels that she took care of us (she never really wanted children), and now we owe her. I have no interest in caring for my mother. I probably would feel honored to care for my mother with her end of life issues if there wasn't so much bad history, and if she wasn't so difficult now. She argues constantly with me, her homecare nurse and her physicians. She always must be right. I am trying very hard to make positive changes in my life, and pick myself up from the bottom. I don't know what to do about my mother. I've been dealing with her medical needs for 6 years now. There is no family willing to help us, because she has ostracized our extended family with her hate and jealousy. I would like some advice from other caregivers who have parents who were dysfunctional. How did you make peace with being their caregiver?