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"Do I just kick him out and force him to figure it out for himself, without a vehicle?"

Yes.

OK, it doesn't have to be quite that dramatic and harsh, but that is the bottom line.

First, have a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband. Tell him you love him and your marriage has to come first. Dad has to go.

Together with your husband, tell Dad he will need to find other living arrangements and that you will help him.

Call your county's Social Services and explain that you 65 yo father-in-law is now living with you but that arrangement needs to end and you would like a needs assessment done and options explained to your FIL. Perhaps he will qualify for subsidized housing.

You and your husband both come from dysfunctional families, and you apparently don't know what should be expected of children toward their parents (and parents toward their children). This ain't it! Protect your own children from the dysfunctional situation that exists in your house now.

If you were to divorce, where would FIL go? Well, wherever he would go it that circumstance he can go the same place without you divorcing. If FIL has no one to turn to, that is Not Your Fault and it is Not Your Husband's Fault. He isn't behaving as a responsible household member? Not Your Fault. He never learned how to play well with others? Not Your Fault.

Your husband seems to have "gotten over" the rotten father this man was to him by dumping his care on you, and adding stress to the lives of his own children. This is not how healthy families behave.

Just kick him out.
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I think what you need to do is sit down & talk to him with your husband and lay it all out. It doesn't sound like there is any physical reason why he can't clean up after himself, bathe himself, etc. etc. and there is no reason YOU should have to do that. Your husband should be backing you up on this.
The reactions he is having with his insulin can be lessened by him watching his diet more carefully and following a sliding scale more accurately. Does he use a long-acting insulin, in addition to the short acting? The dosage on the long-acting insulin needs to be adjusted from time to time if you notice too many lows when there shouldn't be any (especially first thing in the morning before he eats). That's when I know my mother's dosage needs to be adjusted.
Don't give up on your marriage over your father in law. Your father in law needs to start taking responsibility for himself and showing some appreciation to you for all you do for him, and to you & your husband for taking him in in the first place. I think a reminder of where he would be without you is in order - and I wouldn't feel guilty if he gets upset & decides to move out because of it.
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He has just been put on Medicaid. He used to physically abuse 3 of his children and walked out on two of his kids when they were young. So needless to say, they don't really care about him. He did some pretty crappy stuff to my husband as well but he has gotten over it. As someone who only has basically no family because of abuse in my childhood, I don't have a lot of compassion for this man. No one is going to help with any of his living expenses. Do I just kick him out and force him to figure it out for himself, without a vehicle?
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Have you contacted a County person to come evaluate him? Have you tried to apply for medicaid?
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First of all, I am sorry that at your young age you are dealing with this.
I will be taking care of my in laws full time beginning next month and am dreading it. We live a few houses down the road but until now we haven't needed to live in the same house. They are horrible, stingy and downright mean people.......and it used to cause a lot of trouble between my husband and I. When I wasn't being heard by my husband or his sister/brother I decided to stop taking care of his parents 100%. I didn't make a fuss about it, I just set some boundaries, told everyone on speaker phone at the same time and stuck to them. When FIL/MIL refused to clean up after themselves or bathe then everyone could see how bad it was and what I was talking about, they are hoarders so the money was flying out of the accounts and we were being accused of spending it. It is my furniture (excellent condition) that we put in their house when we un-hoarded their house and within a month it was filthy, smelly and ruined and it couldn't be "excused", it was disgusting, all this to say, I feel your pain and exasperation.
I would recommend that you calmly talk with your husband and let him know you can't take it anymore, that you love him and his father very much and feel like you are enabling his father to become unable to care for himself. Tell him that his dad will need to clean spaces he uses (bathroom) to your standards (if older than 10, your kids will need to take turn to clean also), shower daily (hire a bath aid to come in, with his money of course) and get the car out of his name or work with his Dr to have license removed. Make sure the other children send you and husband $$ to hire aids if need be.
Set your boundaries in a calm, adult and loving manner and you will be respected greatly, when we make our demands from anger, nobody pays attention.

Much respect for you. You are on the perfect site for help.
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