GeorgiaBound Asked November 2012

Any suggestions on what to do when you don't really like your parent anymore?

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My mom lives with us and has for almost 3 years. During that time it has been nothing but stressful. She is completely addicted to scratcher tickets and will drive you crazy until you drive her to get them! We have told her she is like a drug addict/alcoholic but she refuses to admit it.
She refuses to get bottom teeth so she is constantly choking on her food and we have to save her numerous times during the week! We have told her so many times that she needs to get dentures on the bottom but she still refuses! We have also told her that if she won't get dentures to at least take small bites. She says "oh, I will" and same things happens and she says it all over again! Many other problems we are having and too many to list here. We will be moving to Florida soon and I really DON'T want her to move with us! She has no savings, no insurance accept Medicare and Medi-Cal. Any suggestions on how to save my sanity and that of the rest of my family would be GREATLY appreciated!!!

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JessieBelle Dec 2012
This is along a slightly different line. I have been not liking my mother. She is a selfish woman who makes me feel small. When I was in church this morning with her, I wondered about my feelings for her. I would love to love her, like a daughter should love her mother. Then it came to me that I couldn't let myself love her, because if I loved her she would break my heart. It was a sad realization.
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wyldewendy Dec 2012
First thing, I would simply tell her no on the scratchoffs. Just NO.PERIOD. Then, I would see if you could find an assisted living facility and get her in it if at all possible. The fact that she chokes when she eats should be symptomatic enough to have Medicare/Medicaid, etc. to have to pay for it. What would happen should she decide to eat something and no one was there to save her? You cannot be there 24/7, although I know it feels that way sometimes.
GOD BLESS YOU, my dear. May the GOOD LORD give you the strength you need to do what is necessary and what is best for YOUR family, outside of mom.

It would probably be a great situation for her to be with people of her own age, and nurses to watch over her carefully. Bet she'll have teeth after 30 days of being in a facility!!!!

Other folks can make them do what we cannot. Alas, we are the only ones there knowing how bad it really is. Do you have siblings? If so, perhaps you should call on them for assistance since you are moving out of state.

Good Luck.
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Cycloops Dec 2012
What is it about old people not wanting to get hearing aids or get dentures and things like that? It's not just money ... someone explain! I have complained elsewhere about mother not wanting to get a hearing aid. In addition, she doesn't want to get her teeth fixed. She has a missing one in the front and a loose one in the back. I guess she's waiting for it to fall out. I know with her she hates going to the dentist. But in your case, that's even worse.
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PandaRosa Dec 2012
Would you be able to serve your mother soup? At least that's easier to eat without choking. Maybe if your mother sees you cutting up her food for her into bite-size portions, she might realize her behavior is only make things harder for herself (though I doubt it.)
The scratch-offs sound like a real problem, esp the fact she insists you drive her. My own mother is almost as bad, but in her case it's just antiques, knick-knacks, pretty little things you see in the gift shops. Half the time she'll insist "Oh this will make a lovely gift for someone!" but more often she just likes physically having this or this nice object. It drives me nuts, because Mother doesn't like going out if she can't shop, and she never has any money after the first week, so we never go anywhere. (God forbid I go off alone.) The only thing about scratches is that sometimes there is a payoff, my house is full of pretty but useless things that just SIT there.
Is there any way she'd accept a set amount, say, 20 a week, or getting them on Tues/Fri? Is there a Gambler's Anonymous in your area? It might help you even if your mother doesn't listen.
I don't blame you for wanting to not take your mother with you, I put off a move because I'd have to plan it around Mother's immobility, dogs, and too much furniture.
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Mamoogins Nov 2012
Contact the council on aging in your state. I honestly have the same problem with my mother, although she doesn't live with me anymore. She has multiple mental disorders and some health problems, but is still able to drive to get those scratch offs!
Depending upon your mothers medical condition(s), she may qualify for a nursing home or something of that nature.
I understand, teeth and all! It's truly sad when they won't save enough out of their checks to get their teeth fixed, but you must understand that your mother does has an illness and by buying the scratch offs for her, you are honestly enabling her behavior. She needs help and you need a break!
Prayers and hugs,
Suzanne
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