How can I can control my constant mood swings and irritability with my everyone including my mom?

That's sad about your husband's attitude about a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist would prescribe meds, and then some counseling with a psychologist could help you learn to cope with your situation. There are many anti-depressants you can try, however, and your primary doctor should be able to help you there.
The problem is, you are trying to do more than one person can do. Was your marriage better before your mother came to live with you? If so, then some joint counseling may help, if he'll go. You aren't alone if you regret asking your mother to move in. This works for some people, but not for all. She may be wonderful, but you have to much on your hands. Sorting this out will take time, but if losing your marriage and your health aren't in your plans, you need to make changes.
Your mom may do well in assisted living. That could give you emotional room to work on your marriage and take care of yourself. You would still be her advocate. You would still see her. But your life could come back from the chaos. If you have a religious affiliation, please talk with someone there. You need support badly.
Take care of yourself, please.
Carol

Im in the same situation. Although my sisters take care of her during the weekends, she only wants me to take care of her groceries, medications, doctors visits, etc. she sleeps with me weeknights. I have got to the points of screaming at her for little things. Im extremely irritable and in constant back pain. She needs help in everything. She had polio and needs help walking in high heels. My dad used to do everything for her and now its me. Im dying to go and visit my grandkids and don't know what to do with her.

Sbusby...paxel has done wonderful for my husband's irritability. If I had known how it would have affected him, I would have feigned anxiety and gotten them for myself years ago and slipped one into his coffee every morning. As it is he's been on them for 15+ years now (he's 70) and all is great. Twice he tried going off them and both times I threatened to leave him within a week of not taking them. They are a miracle pill as far as I'm concerned. And I say SHAME ON YOUR HUSBAND for threatening to leave you if you go see a Psych. Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do...I think it's a bluff myself.

Mmiralla...donate the high heels to the goodwill and tell your mom that it was time. A fall could make things 10 times worse, not to mention the guilt you would feel.

First of all, I would love to scream at your husband for what he has said to you! YOU are the one in need and YOU are trying to seek help for YOURSELF, it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND IN MY OPINION, HE HAS NO VOTE! I AM VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS!!!

I see a therapist every single week and it is the ONLY thing that has kept me sane after 10 years of caring for relatives. It is a release and an outlet to be able to sit down with a sane person and express your feelings and have no judgements placed against you for feeling totally overwhelmed! Caregiving takes an enormous toll on you and NO ONE other than another caregiver realizes exactly how difficult and demanding it is, physically, mentally and emotionally. Your husband is way off on this and I am trying with all my might to be kind in my statements about him and his response to your NEEDS.

When I was going through a horrific time after my daughters birth and dealing with panic and anxiety, working a 50 hour work week to survive and then having my husband tell me he wanted a divorce, I sought a psychiatrist/pharmacologist who prescribed a medication called "Pamelor." I found out later that a woman in my office also took it because she was dealing with cancer and the emotional ups and downs. This medication was a God Send, it really was, it leveled everything out and made it easier to deal with irate patients at work and everything happening at home. As a matter of fact while on it, I was given all the really hard bitchy patients who were irate over being billed for services because I COULD HANDLE ANY SITUATION WITHOUT A HITCH! IT IS A MIRACLE DRUG, I KID YOU NOT! No morning "hang over sleepiness" it was good!

My husband got mad at me while on it however because I was no longer the crazy lady who got on the phone and yelled at incompetent people for him....haha, now he had to do it, because I was nice and calm.

I have taken all the same meds that you have and I can honestly say Pamelor is the best by far!

As far as your Mom goes, she does not want to be in this shape nor does she want to have to rely on you, circumstances have just brought this all about, it is not her fault. I know she has become another weight around your neck, but please try to be kind to her. Once you are on a medication that can help you cope, you will feel a 1000% better and hopefully able to deal with your life calmly. I am sure Mom, your husband, work associates and you....will like yourself a whole lot more!

If you can afford some help at home, I would suggest it, because even if you take the medication, 50 hours of work each week is too much and you need some rest.

God Bless You! I have been exactly where you are and lived through it!

Effexor.

Ha ha Katie....I just realized that my Mom's "behavior" has been sooooo much better the last few weeks........since I started on zoloft.;)

May I just ask a question of you? Are any of you on additional drugs? I took Pamelor before but have not been on it for years. I now have to take medication for epilepsy, high blood pressure, Mobic anti inflammatory, and potassium and I would go back to the Pamelor but I am wondering how it will react with my Keppra and will I be over medicating and drowsy and unable to attend to my Mom's needs.
I would gladly take something if it would allow me to deal with her antics more easily!

No one's asked it, yet .. have you had your hormone levels checked? You could be perimenopausal. Mood swings are one of the typical signs of moving into that phase.

I have found Rescue Remedy: a Bach Flower homeopathic remedy, works for me. It calms my heart, breath and mind. Helps relax me when my brain keeps me up at night.

Why does your husband react so strongly to your seeing a therapist? What exactly is his big concern? Fear of his marriage being exposed of him controlling you or his being guilty of something? Fear of you on drugs? Is your husband supportive at all in other matters?
I strongly suggest a therapist. Even if you go once a month it will be worth it.
Find helpers so you don't carry the load. Try www.elderhelpers.org Inexpensive volunteer organization: for cooking, laundry, cleaning, errands, and keeping your mother company. It is all over the country. Let us know how you are. We all feel for you and support you in your desperate call for being free again.

Minimum of a 50 hour work week? Most people work 40 hours? Get help with your mothers care if you can. Ignore hubby's attitude and seek counseling. You are way over your head in responsibility.

You need a slightly lighter load, there, girl! Lemme guess - hubby not helping? Or just resentful you have no time for him? Can you get enough respite or leave Mom by herself for enough time to do a joint counseling session followed by a dinner date every other week?

As Carol mentions, joint counselling may help. Various changes might save your marriage. But my question is, are you sure that it is worth saving? He'll leave you if you see a psychiatrist? Seriously? If you had diabetes and the drugs your internist prescribed weren't working, would he leave you if you saw a endocrinologist? If you had cancer, would he leave if you saw an oncologist? What earthly right does he think he has to dictate what kind of medical help you get? If this is the level of support you get from him in all areas of your life, you might be better off on your own. As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

As you can see from the answers already posted, there are MANY possible treatments for depression, for anxiety, for other emotional/mental difficulties. We could all tell you our own wonderful and awful experiences. That wouldn't help you decide the right treatment for you. Yes, your primary doctor can prescribe one drug after another. After a really disastrous experience, I vowed never again to take any "mind" drug except as prescribed by an expert. I mentioned some symptoms to my primary doctor while I was caregiving and she said, sympathetically, "It is perfectly understandable that you are depressed. Here is a prescription for an antidepressant." I stuck to my vow and saw a psychiatrist instead. I had to fill out a 5-page questionnaire, bring it in and talk to the psychiatric nurse for an hour before I could see the doctor. She asked further questions. She prescribed 2 antidepressants, explained why she prescribed 2 and why she chose those particular ones. She also had me set up counselling sessions with a therapist. I have to see the psychiatrist very 3 months to get my prescriptions renewed. Compare that to the internist who simply offered me a prescription after a ten minute conversation, and never followed up to see if I was taking them, if they were helping, or if they made things worse.

I don't think that mental health is anything to fool around with, and if you want to see an expert (a perfectly reasonable desire in my book) then that is what you should do.

I also agree with the others that you are trying to do far too much, and I understand that impulse, too. And when your time is totally committed it can be threatening to give up some of the commitments. What can give a little with the least distress to you? I suggest giving up 90 minutes of exercise per week to make time for therapy, and giving up an hour of laundry a week to have some time to yourself. Your husband does know how to run a wash and drier, right? Or rearrange your schedule however it is most comfortable for you, so that you can get therapy and also have some down time to do whatever you feel like doing.

Sorry to be so hard on your husband, but that kind of attitude really presses all my hot buttons!

I agree with LadeeC, a few months ago I wanted to chew my boss's head off and later moved my sunny disposition over to my BF. Luckily my mood did not persist, else I would be lonely and unemployed.

Hormones are big drivers. Gyno can give you something for mood swings.

Great that you are working out, working 50 hour weeks is not atypical, I often work more, NOT to minimize waking at 3:30 am 6 of 7 days would have me postal! Speaking of that, are you getting enough sleep?

I do think you would do well if your husband and was more understanding. He does not want you to have someone to talk to? Who are you Tony Soprano? Is he worried you will give up "family" secrets in therapy.

Maybe hubby can help with laundry, mom can fold? Maybe you can drop off at the wash and fold? Maybe you can buy more underwear and staples and do laundry less often?

Can you afford a housekeeper at least once a month for the heavy stuff? Maybe you can ignore some chores?

Will cooking big and freezing leftovers allow you to cut cooking in half?
Implement pizza night once a week? Use paper plates?

Lastly, take time for a date at least once a month!

I think you are overwhelmed, maybe perimenopausal....I would try to get help or cut back everyday chores before I moved on to meds.

Best of luck,
L

I feel like just as I was getting old enough to go be on my own my mother's health took a turn for the worse, not quite sure why she's so sick, it was kinda like a snowball effect, but her stumbling has caused her to break her hip bone in "09", her arm and her pelvic bone just his past July and August, she wets her self easily and has a shirt term memory on certain things, like if I give her her meds, she may forget and ask me for more, sometimes I can tell her I already gave them to her and she's fine with it, but other times if it's her pain meds, and I'll tell her she's already taken them and shell get mad, that's why I've had to take over her meds, I'm the baby out of 4, they all have families and don't live close, all 5 hrs away, moms 65, she's been diagnosed with osteoporosis , osteoarthritis, the right side of her spine is protruding I think they call it scoliosis? And a year ago when we was worried bout her memory and writing the bed and sometimes the chair or couch if she doesn't run to bathroom, we went to cape to see a brain doctor and found out she has normal pressure hydrosyphalus, .....I feel so alone as my mom seems to get worse, she says she doesn't want anyone else to take care of her, and my siblings give support by telling me I'm doing a great job, sometimes I get app angry at them for leaving me to do this all on my own, I won't put her anywhere cause I don't think she would b HAPPY, we already don't have any company, and her kids don't come to visit, I figure it's because she never has anything positive to say, it's usually downertime with mom, talking negative bout people,starting awkward or uncomfortable conversations, I haven't had any training to do this, I could go on and on, but would have to sit down and talk to you for a few days to get it all out.I really don't know what my question is, I just need support

Oh and left out that I also get paid to take care of her, almost 4 hrs a day, mom told me a couple months ago that it's a sin if you don't take care of your parents, I looked it up in the bible and it does say that, :,( so much pressure.....

SBusby, my first thought was that you don't need Prozac, what you need is a wife!. Hire a housekeeper to come in every single day if you have to who will do the laundry, cleaning etc. so at least you don't have to face that when you come home. You're burning the candle at both ends, and eventually you're going to get burned. At least that's where I would start.

Flossie, That's the kind of religion I hate! But Jesus also said leave your father and mother and follow me!

Do you have an outside job? Do you ever get to go out and have fun? What would you wish for to make your life better? Think about even things that seem impossible. If you figure out what you want, maybe we can brainstorm a good substitute!

With all due respect to all the posters in this thread, I want to share a giggle:

Take a look at the page name for this thread. Includes: "caregiver-control-constant-mood-swims"

Made me laugh SO hard. Hope it adds a lighter moment to everyone else.

Sounds like you are overloaded and overwhelmed. That's a lot of work hrs for anyone not to mention home working hours.

You need a break and I don't know how you get that. Maybe make a date with husband on your Sunday (let everything else go) and reconnect --on mom, no work, no phones, no agenda. Just a quiet lunch and go to a movie, museum, Barnes and noble; someplace peaceful and quiet. Re energize.

See how that goes. Then take some time and make a list of what has to get done, what is most meaningful...can you hire a housekeeper once a week or twice monthly? Can husband do more chores to balance the load? Can mom do some laundry or maybe just run the vacuum? What is she capable of?

Can mom, husband each make one dinner per week? Can you have one pizza night so no major dishes, prep etc? Sandwich night?

What is causing the irritability? Moms interference, moms presence cramping your style? Husband is irritable or difficult since mom moved in? Your job is too much? Lack of me-time?

Some of these things can be alleviated or improved with small changes or adaptations. Drugs can help if you have a chemical imbalance or are overwhelmed, but you still need to understand and work on the root cause as a long term solution if you can. Keeping up your current pace with the stress even with drugs is a train to burnout and possibly a breakdown.