I need to update my profile so I don't repeat myself so much. In short, my dad died in 2010 and mom was depressed and lonely, I visited six months prior to his death to visit him in the nursing home, he did not know me, he had alzheimers, I was also shocked to see the state of my mother. I was in the US and she in Ireland.
I talked to my mother at least twice a day every day on the phone. I knew she was slipping, repeating herself, and since I had been helping from afar with her finances and other matters, I noticed I had to really explain more and more to her about writing numbers, I knew this was not good and I would have to be with her sooner than later.
I gave up all I owned which was a great deal, sold my car, shipped things at a great expense that I just did not want to lose and jumped through hoops with USDA, customs, etc to get my cat over to Ireland. The red tape was paralyzing.
When I arrived in Ireland, the car service man, a friend of my mothers, told me to be prepared because my mother was not quite the same. We called her to let her know I arrived, she said she wouldn't be home because she had to go to my dad's anniversary mass. This was in April, dad died December, yet she was thinking it was Christmas, so I was stunned.
The next few months I spent trying to figure out what was going on with her. The neighbors insisted she was fine just old age, and still yet, I said why didn't you let me know how bad she was getting, they said we didn't want to alarm you since you were in USA, yet they in the same breath say it is just old age and she is fine. I found out it was more than that with all the crazy things she was doing and saying.
It got to the point where she became at times hostile and accused me of being a bully. She told the neighbors I was hitting her. I was serving her all her meals, doing everything I could to make her feel comfortable. She refused to go out with me to get her hair cut or get a manicure, pedicure, lunch, anything to make her feel good. The neighbors said I was keeping her from going out?? I tried to wash her clothes, she refused to dress just wear pajamas, I tried to wash those and just washed what I could. Whenever I told mom she needed to try to bathe, go out, she said I was yelling at her. When I told her what she did not want to hear she said I was yelling at her. The house was ovewhelming cluttered, I would plow through a pile and move to another to go back and see her filling it up again. She would take piles of garbage into her room with various things, pictures, her handbag, and put under her pillows. When I told her this was not good, she said I was yelling at her and being a bully.
The long and short of it came to this, she went out to go to the neighbors house and locked herself out, I did not hear her banging on the door. The cops came and she started screaming that she didn't love me and to get me out of the house, I spent a few hours in my pajamas being detained in station while they arranged for me to stay in a homeless shelter. The next morning they let me call her and she said where have you been all night, they talked to her and she told them she missed me and wanted me home, they let me go home.
When I got home traumatized, she smirked at me telling her what happened. I couldn't believe it, she had been talking to the neighbors and her doctor who insisted she come in that day. The public health nurse came by to as she said, check on us. She said she thought my mother should go into a respite care for a few days, mom didn't want to go, I didn't know what to think or say. Off she went to doctors, the nurse said she would call me and let me know what was going on. I heard nothing, it was Friday, I couldn't find out anything, Sat or Sun. Monday, I am freaking out, what is happening, should I find out or am I supposed to wait and not interfere with her diagnosis, get her excited and upset. Tuesday, I find out she is in respite care 160 euro ride from me and I can visit for an hour. What the heck is going on, I am led to believe they are waiting on diagnosis by consultant, I wait. Then I find out my neighbors knew where she was right away and went to visit her without taking me, they ripped into me saying I didn't love my mother and should be ashamed of myself for abusing her and that she was in there because they wanted to keep her safe from me??? I can't describe how broken hearted all this has made me. Right now they are getting various people together to meet with me and find out if they can release her to come home with me here. They are trying to get her to remove me from the house, I have nowhere to go and am at wits end. I continue to pay the bills online the way mom and I agreed to do it. Do they have a legal right to keep her, she is crying to come home to me, telling them I didn't do anything to her. Could a lawyer help me, I don't know what to do, I am sick to my stomach over all this. This forum is my only help.