My elderly father makes me do things for him by threatening to call 911 if I don't and report elder abuse. Can a caregiver be legally protected from abuse by an elder?

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My father is 80 years old and he make me do things for him by threatening that if I don't he will call 911 and report elder abuse. Is there any legal protection for caregiver from abuse by elder?

Answers 1 to 10 of 17
I would be tempted to tell him go ahead. Then tell him they will just put him in a nursing home, and maybe he would be happier there. I'll bet that stops his threats.
What type of things is he making you do? Perhaps 'anger' is his way of dealing with not being able to do things for himself.

So many times 'threats' are hollow, but sometimes they are not. Be careful and if Dad lives with you, install a camera that will record his interactions with you.

This may sound like an invasion of "Dad's privacy" but I assure you that the authorities tend to believe a 'sweet old man' (or lady) before most caregivers. I had to document my mother's 'meal's since she would tell anyone that would listen, that she didn't have a THING to eat all day!! LOL When she was with me, she ate more than I did!! But who would you believe, a 92 pound grandmother, or a daughter almost twice her size??? LOL

All kidding aside, this is a serious matter, so try to get to the root of the problem, and see if there is a medical/emotional reason for Dad's threats.
Let him call 911 and if they call you, say "He did WHAT?! I was just there and he was fine...." Chances are he won't call 911 and if he does - so what! The "authorities" take these allegations seriously and - provided they believed him - they'd investigate his claims and find them false. Then the "authorities" would begin to wonder if he was still well enough to live at home. Tell him that...

Don't let your father manipulate you this early on in your care giving role. If he does it now, it will only get worse and you'll REALLY suffer! If he needs help be realistic about it - is it help or company he really wants? If it's company and the help is the sort of thing he could find in assisted living, perhaps that's the best place for him. If this manipulative man were MY dad, I'd never even consider him living with me or any other sibling. Your mental health and family well being is more important! It's very sad, however, it's all his own making.
Top Answer

When my sons were teenagers and couldn't do whatever they wanted, they'd threaten to call the ACS and say I was abusing them. The first time I screamed "You're gonna have to make it to the phone!" and grounded them. That didn't work because when you ground your kids you're grounding yourself too. A week later, because I wouldn't let their girlfriends come over to "hang out" while I was running errands, they told me the police was on its way and that I was going to jail. I laughed and said "They're not going to come for me, they're going to come for you and put you in a foster home." The third time, without saying a word, I told them to come with me and took them to a strange building on 161st St. in The Bronx. It was Family Court. When they asked "Papi, what are we doing here?" I told them I was going to fill out some forms so I could turn them both over to the State. They realized I was serious about it, and got scared -- tears and everything. I had no problems after that.

My point? Refuse to be abused, even if it's your father. You're not his maid. (1) Whenever he threatens to call 911, don't say a word and hand him the phone. (2) Get a list of AL and NHs far from your home and ask him which one he'd like to go to -- permanently. Stand firm, don't negotiate your sanity, and enforce your boundaries consistently.

There needs to be an understanding between you, but above all there has to be respect.

Let us know what happens.

-- ED

Consult an attorney and find out the consequences - legal, financial, etc. of any course of action before implementing it. You may not like losing all control over what happens to your father should the authorities step in. He may not be able to afford to pay for the financial consequences and tyring to do so might place another burden on your family. Educate yourself first. My father in law admitted himself to a SNF because he was not feeling well and was lonely and we had to agree to provide 24/7 care in order to get him back out. We wish we had known that was a possibility beforehand. But once you know all of the possibilities - do what you can to prepare and protect yourself. Then hold firm on not being abused as others have suggested.
Does your father have any cognitive impairment of any sort or cause? This makes a HUGE difference in my mind about how to respond to this situation. Is this a manipulative behavior that is basically a plea for attention or is this a manifestation of a sense of helplessness and fear? Are there other resources or individuals that can give him the attention/assistance/reassurance he seeks? Also, what kind of demands is he making and threatening to call 911 if it doesn't happen? Are the demands actual needs or wants? If the behavior is a willful act of manipulation then I would respond very differently than if he has some cognitive impairment. Even mild cognitive impairment causes a decreased ability to problem solve reasonably and rationally.
What kinds of things is he "making" you do? If he wants to call in because you didn't have time to go mow his lawn and pull weeds this weekend... let him call. It's no more of a threat than a 5 year old threatening to call the cops because you expect him to eat the 3 peas on his plate.
Get a psychiatrist or neurologist. Get a diagnosis. then put him in a home. Let the pros deal with it. (What is he making you do??)
Keep a diary.
Document EVERYTHING!!!!!
I know it's a pain but you have to cover your backside.
The other alternative is walking away permanently. This may take some legal action on your part (notification letter, arrangements, etc.)
Don't live with threats!!!!!!!
Has your father been evaluated for Dementia or Alzhiemer's disease? Have your fathers personal Physician, make a diagnosis or referral for an in home evaluation from your county. Provide information , of his threats, or unreasonable requests. Perhaps he feels he has lost control of his life, to care for himself and uses threats to feel in control.
Until he excepts that he needs help to care for himself, you will need to wait. My father was a strong willed Man, He cared for my mom by himself who suffered from alzhiemers. Both their personal hygiene suffered, bills went unpaid, they had so many cats.The home was run down, and a feces odor.
We had to have an Elder evaluation from the county come to the home to speak to my father. When they determined My father could not care for my mom as well as himself, and my mother suffered a Bladder infection and was hospitalized, we just had a family meeting. It was either, dad and mom stay in a long term care facility (Very expensive, lose everything or move in with me.( I was the only girl and willing too.
I'm a lucky story though...My folks are very pleasent.. Dad is very appreciative. My mother attends Adult Day Care
For your case, maybe a long term facility will be required.
Don;t live in constant will become ill.
If you have siblings...have a meeting..or they will be on your back and make things ugly as well.

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