How can I care for my disabled parents and sister while still having time for my family?

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My name is RHaley, I live in Strasburg, VA. I am sending this on behalf of my Mom, Dad, and sister. All 3 are disabled and live in the same house, my sister is confined to a hospital bed (I pay for my sisters home care), my mom is in a wheel chair unable to walk, stand, or get herself in and out of bed or off the toilet, she is on Medicare. My father recently fell several times, he is retired disabled, he also has Medicare. He fell on Monday and now will not walk because he is saying he can't. They are now in a hardship in there home due to no help. I am married, I have to commute 124 miles a day to my job. I get up at 2:30 am in the morning and I am at work by 4:45 am, I do not get home until 6:00 or 6:30 pm in the evening. I have one friend who is helping them a little but she has a life also. Is there any way that we can get assistance for them???? My father is mad at me because I told him I could not do everything and he said I was just abandoning them. Which I have not, I am just so frustrated because I do not know what to do or who to call. Can someone please help me???

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Linda's advice is very thorough and well-thought out, in my opinion. I second her reply and recommendations to you. The only thing I would share is that placing at least one of your loved ones in a skilled nursing setting, given the situation you have described will not be an act of abandonment, should you decide to go that route, though it may feel that way to you and/or your family. It will be an act of sanity for yourself, and, may ultimately save one of their lives, as their total physical dependency is a recipe for in-home accidents and disasters when you are away at work and particularly when you have such a lengthy commute. A 124-mile commute is not a walk in the park. You are one person and there are only so many hours in a day. I choose to be my Mom's caregiver and have no regrets, yet I also know I could not safely care for 3 disabled loved ones at once. You are only human. If nothing else, you need respite...pronto! God bless you in making right choices for yourself, first, and your loved ones. If you have worked for your employer for the requisite period required under the Family and Medical Leave Act, do remember that you are entitled to 12-weeks of unpaid FMLA leave benefits to care for a seriously ill parent. If that is the time you need to take a breather and map our your next steps for their long-term care and your mental health, do not hesitate to apply for FMLA if you work for an employer who is subject to the FMLA. Most employers are by virtue of number of employees, etc.
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RHaley, WOW!!! You are one busy lady!!! Now to begin: Call your parents physician and ask for a skilled nurse visit to evaluate home safety, your father's falling and your Mom's personal care. Explain the situation to the Dr. (or the Dr's nurse) The Dr. can contact a Home Health Agency and have a safety visit evaluation through Medicare. Has your father been to the Dr. to evaluate the reason he has fallen? Your father may need that evaluated. Or you can contact a local Home Health Agency and explain the situation to them and they can follow through with a Dr's order to do an assessment. Other agencies to contact would be: Area Agency on Aging, Dept. of Health and Human Services, Disease specific organizations. Depending on the reason for your sister's disability you can contact the health organization specific to that reason. They may be able to provide assistance. Was your father a veteran? If he was then contact the Veteran's Administration and ask about the Aid and Attendance program that may provide financial assistance. Local church organizations. This is just a start. Hope it gives some direction to your situation. Linda
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