Truly, more info is needed before an answer that fits your circumstances can be made. There are so many ways it can go! For instance, my Mom skated thru her life with some mental ills, escaped diagnosis, acquired some head injuries along the way, which further compounded her dysfunctional behaviors. Age added to that. As an elder, her knees are bad, she has glaucoma, perhaps starting cataracts; she is obese, consumes a diet high in starches, sugars, salts, as well as plenty booze as able. She has stated, strongly, that she is terrified of going blind, and becoming unable to walk. Yet, she behaves in ways that contribute to her health conditions getting worse, such as refusing to take eye drops, losing bottles of them because she insists on taking care of it herself. Her words and behaviors have virtually insured family is split to shreds, and stays that way, mostly based on her paranoia that we'd be talking together about her, without her knowing [yet she claims to know all, see all]. To "protect" herself from unknowns, she was perfectly willing to destroy family ties in every way she could manage. Her paranoia prevented any of us working Together towards her optimal care; instead she has arranged things to "corner" one of us at a time, by begging to live with one at a time, and via phone contacts. Her paranoia caused her to do away with the entire amount of money from sale of her old place within 2 years, though, certain ones of my siblings have profited nicely from that. She is now living in the home of another of my siblings, after destroying relations at our house. The sibling she begged to go to next, still totally denies there is any problem--yet the signs are already there. So the beat goes on. Unless and until the rest of my siblings acknowledge what Mom's circumstances really are, and choose to work together constructively, Mom's beat-down will keep happening.
You say your Mom has problems getting along... THAT is your largest issue. Her medical issues are almost secondary, maybe. IF her behaviors are too bad for regular nursing homes to deal with, she might need evaluated for admission to an Alzeimer's Unit, where staff is trained to deal with people who act-out badly. I was told by Social Workers that my Mom's behaviors might get her kicked out of nursing homes or assisted living facilities [mega-hoarding, verbal and physical acting out]. IF an elder gets hospitalized, and the family caretaker can no longer deal with the elder at home, tell the hospital that, and block the elder from returning to your home, IF you need to protect your health/health of your family. At that point, the hospital must arrange to get the elder admitted to a long-term care facility, which takes that difficulty off your hands.
IF you need home-caregivers, and your elder is in your home or their own, Social Worker evaluations can start process to get In-Home-Health-Care. BUT, if she needs lifting, or heavier assistance, or a 24/7 caregiver, they might just say she needs to enter a long-term care facility of some kind.
I helped with caregiving for a frail elder couple, many years ago, to help them stay in their home....the man was stone deaf, used a huge radio-like apparatus to hear anything. His wife was blind. But somehow, they managed to be OK in their home, as long as someone came in to help prepare foods and put containers in the refrigerator, clean the house, and assist them for baths. I think caregiving was probably a few to several hours per day; it varied. When the old guy died, the wife had to go to a nursing home. Together, they did OK, kind of leaning on each other, with that additional home care assist. Alone, the old gal just couldn't manage, even with home care.
Whether your Mom would be able to get along using home care, depends on her physical abilities, and whether she is thinking clearly enough to manage. Home care givers are generally trained to properly handle bad behaviors by elders. Just beware that if your Mom has already been actively dividing people, she WILL keep doing that, and it will adversely impact getting caregivers in for her.
Some people don't like accepting help from family members and may feel better about paid in-home help. As cattails said, if this is new behavior, your mom should be checked for mental illness or dementia. If this is age-old dysfunctional family business, it's time to start working on a solution where others can take care of your mom. You can check with your local Area Agency on Aging to get some local advice or go to your state website and search under "aging." Good luck and take care of yourself, too. Carol
Hi Bad: Your mom has a problem getting along with family members. I think it would be helpful if you went into more detail there. Her sight and knee problems are health problems, but maybe she has some personality changes or just some personality traits that keep her isolated from family.
How does any of this keep you from helping your mom? Are you trying to get everyone on board to share her care? How old is your mom and does she have other health issues. Does she live alone?
Sorry you've had to wait so long for a response. Give us a little more information and I'm sure you will get many responses.
For instance, my Mom skated thru her life with some mental ills, escaped diagnosis, acquired some head injuries along the way, which further compounded her dysfunctional behaviors.
Age added to that.
As an elder, her knees are bad, she has glaucoma, perhaps starting cataracts; she is obese, consumes a diet high in starches, sugars, salts, as well as plenty booze as able.
She has stated, strongly, that she is terrified of going blind, and becoming unable to walk.
Yet, she behaves in ways that contribute to her health conditions getting worse, such as refusing to take eye drops, losing bottles of them because she insists on taking care of it herself.
Her words and behaviors have virtually insured family is split to shreds, and stays that way, mostly based on her paranoia that we'd be talking together about her, without her knowing [yet she claims to know all, see all].
To "protect" herself from unknowns, she was perfectly willing to destroy family ties in every way she could manage.
Her paranoia prevented any of us working Together towards her optimal care; instead she has arranged things to "corner" one of us at a time, by begging to live with one at a time, and via phone contacts.
Her paranoia caused her to do away with the entire amount of money from sale of her old place within 2 years, though, certain ones of my siblings have profited nicely from that.
She is now living in the home of another of my siblings, after destroying relations at our house.
The sibling she begged to go to next, still totally denies there is any problem--yet the signs are already there.
So the beat goes on.
Unless and until the rest of my siblings acknowledge what Mom's circumstances really are, and choose to work together constructively, Mom's beat-down will keep happening.
You say your Mom has problems getting along...
THAT is your largest issue.
Her medical issues are almost secondary, maybe.
IF her behaviors are too bad for regular nursing homes to deal with, she might need evaluated for admission to an Alzeimer's Unit, where staff is trained to deal with people who act-out badly.
I was told by Social Workers that my Mom's behaviors might get her kicked out of nursing homes or assisted living facilities [mega-hoarding, verbal and physical acting out].
IF an elder gets hospitalized, and the family caretaker can no longer deal with the elder at home, tell the hospital that, and block the elder from returning to your home, IF you need to protect your health/health of your family.
At that point, the hospital must arrange to get the elder admitted to a long-term care facility, which takes that difficulty off your hands.
IF you need home-caregivers, and your elder is in your home or their own, Social Worker evaluations can start process to get In-Home-Health-Care.
BUT, if she needs lifting, or heavier assistance, or a 24/7 caregiver, they might just say she needs to enter a long-term care facility of some kind.
I helped with caregiving for a frail elder couple, many years ago, to help them stay in their home....the man was stone deaf, used a huge radio-like apparatus to hear anything. His wife was blind.
But somehow, they managed to be OK in their home, as long as someone came in to help prepare foods and put containers in the refrigerator, clean the house, and assist them for baths.
I think caregiving was probably a few to several hours per day; it varied.
When the old guy died, the wife had to go to a nursing home.
Together, they did OK, kind of leaning on each other, with that additional home care assist. Alone, the old gal just couldn't manage, even with home care.
Whether your Mom would be able to get along using home care, depends on her physical abilities, and whether she is thinking clearly enough to manage.
Home care givers are generally trained to properly handle bad behaviors by elders.
Just beware that if your Mom has already been actively dividing people, she WILL keep doing that, and it will adversely impact getting caregivers in for her.
Carol
How does any of this keep you from helping your mom? Are you trying to get everyone on board to share her care? How old is your mom and does she have other health issues. Does she live alone?
Sorry you've had to wait so long for a response. Give us a little more information and I'm sure you will get many responses.
Hugs, Cattails