I've always known my sister was selfish, especially when it came to my mom and her money. How can I care for my mom if I need my sister’s help?

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I've always known my sister was selfish. Especially when it came to mom. There's only a 15 month age difference between us,I'm the youngest.. We grew up struggling and watching our mother make sacrifices. My sister is the mother of 12 (ex was a jerk). . Doctors wanted to treat mom for Alzheimer's and/or dementia. Recently she was finally diagnosed with depression. Mom is also suffering mentally. I'm upset with way to much for this space. My sister has flat out refused to help in mom's care. Only one of her children help and i have to pay him. I work seasonal for 2 1/2 months a year. Each time its a struggle. I was shown the door the other day when I told her I had to bring mom over in the morning. We showed up and no one answered or opened the door. She is forcing me to quit or get fired. She told me she raised her children already , she wasn't going to do it.. I told her I care for mom 310 days. I don't see why she can't do it for less...She just wants moms property.

Answers 1 to 7 of 7
oh poppy . all siblings are a jerk ! i swear !
hope u can find a daycare center for elders . maybe hire someone tocome and care for her while u work ?? iknow it cost money but its time that u do something about it cuz sis is washin her hands off of this ordeal . ck see if her ins or mediacid or whatever she has will help u out in anyway ?? if ur mom could pay you the same amount of money u make at work maybe u could resign and stay home and look after her ?
thats what pa did and i quit my job , i dont miss my job one bit ! i love my pa and he is worth it !
god bless you and wish u the very best .
Your sister raising x number of children (or no children at all) has nothing to do with her responsibilities to help care for your mother. Unfortunately, most of us here are in the same boat with no where to turn. One family member usually steps up - the others step way back.
I also think, that if your Mom is able to, she should be paying you for her care. Also, stop paying the darling grandson and have a paid caregiver come in to help once and awhile to give you a break. (it's $19. per hour here...well worth it!)
If you haven't done so already, get Power's of Attorney for both medical and financial. As far as the property is concerned, can it be sold to help pay for her care? If she has a house, sell it or do a reverse mortgage so extra income will be coming in. (remember, though, there is a 5 year look back period on many assets if she should ever need a Medicaid facility) It is funny how seniors will hold onto property and other assets when they should be spending it on themselves and not leaving if for greedy relatives (ie: your sis and her hoard.)
Look at it this way, if your income declines because you are forced to quit your job, where will your mother go?
Get some advice from a good elder counselor...so you know your rights. Then write the sister off...she is just dead wood to you.
Good luck...I know how stressful these things can get....believe me!!! Sounds like you had a good mother who sacrificed for her children.
Top Answer
Poppy, I wish I had a dime every time I've read on this website, about deadbeat siblings, I could take a cruise. AT some point you're gonna have to wash your hands of your sister and go it alone, either that or drive yourself crazy. It's NOT fair, it STINKS, and it shouldn't have to be that way, but it is what it is. If I read your post right, your sister as had twelve children? Oh my gosh! She's probably a little loony now anyway, so let it go. If I were you I'd start taking control over the finances, health care as the POA/DPOA and exclude sister in everything. Talk to your mom about taking over and see what she says (if it doesn't push her over the edge) and roll up your sleeves, cause 'it's gonna be bumpy ride'. Take care & God bless your efforts.
There have been a few times in my life that I wished I had siblings....but when you are left with an ageing parent it is a blessing as much as a burden. You do not mention your own family. Does your sibling think that because you have a small (or are single) family that the burden falls upon you to be the "good" daughter? There are too many tragic heroines in history that have filled this role. You need to consult your lawyer and get complete power of attorney (if she is willing) while your mum is still of sound mind and body. Fortunately for me it was my dad (who had presentement) who insisted I have this signed by my mum. Discuss with her her wishes and try to keep it as honest and frank as possible without being pushy. Listen to her. As for your sister you must tell her the truth.... that if she expects you to be full time carer then she must leave the care and any inheritance left over entirely to you. If she wants anything more from you or your mother she must "pitch in". Lastly......STOP FEELING GUILTY. We are emotionally attatched to our parents but the present health and safety culture thinks we should prevent every possible accident from happening to our parents. Just as children should be allowed to climb trees we should not stop our parents from living what remains of their lives to the fullest! We can try to keep them from being victims of scam artists while realizing that we cannot stop them from living......and eventually dying. I wish you peace and strength in the trials ahead.
Hello everyone,(waving). Sorry it took so long to respond. Thank you all for your post and support. After submitting my post, I ran out the house to my sisters place. (Yes, a glutton for punishment. ) To my surprise she opened the door and spoke to me only to slam the door in my face after I told her I needed to leave mom there. I phoned work and called out. Spoke with both insurance places , read and re-read for a loophole in order to have respite care. This meant a trip to the ER. It took 7 hours to be seen by insurance window and two more hours to go in the back with triage. All in all it was a grand total of 15 hours before mom was admitted. I told them i was there for respite and for her to be evaluated for side effects from the medication the last doctor prescribed. Instead of this being a smooth transition as well as a much needed break, it has turned out to be nothing but a nightmare. Battling with the doctors to listen and not experiment on my mother. Driving back and forth while she was in the hospital I fell asleep at th wheel. Yesterday I drove up here to visit mom at the nursing home and immediately felt she was overly medicated. I questioned the nursing home staff and was floored to learn what they had been giving to her. Mom was fine at the house. She has now gone from one prescription to nearly ten! "Livid" doesn't even come close. I had an overwhelming sense of guilt pondering over my options of the nursing home. Now I wonder what have I done? and ask my mom to please forgive me.
My brother is the same way; there is no one more self seeking on the planet. He even disconnected his phone so he wouldn't get involved. He's so worried his precious lawyer income might be needed to help Mom. I have taken care of her always and believe me she has her faults, but we are family and I believe in family. Everyone, though, needs a respite. Many communities have respite care available to give you a break.
You put your Mom in a nursing home temporarilly? Why not daycare, they're great! Nursing homes over medicate, and wont love your mom as you do. I agree, hire someone to get her to daycare for those few months or forever and dont even contact your sister. Been there-did that--had POA and took over , someone had to, and I will never regret it. Your poor Mom , does she understand all of this? so sad!

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