shnasta Asked August 2009

How do I care for a dying mother and two small children?

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yearight Aug 2009
Shnasta, i think you need to decompress for a minute. Take a deep breath. Have you told your d/h that you are this overwhelmed?
Ask for some help with the laundry. Ask them to clean up after themselves if they don't already. As for all the "stuff" just stack it in corners and maybe an unused area and forgetaboutit for awhile.
Jamiea is right about the disposable pad/briefs. They are a God send. And the pads to put under your mom. There are also disposable ones for this. If you could invest in a few washable bed pads it would sure help you. But with tight finances something more economical is better. The plastic table cloths that you can buy at say Walmart can be cut in half. The underside is soft and they are waterproof. And they can be washed. This would protect the bed and you should not have to strip it everyday.
Walmart or dollar stores have more economical adult briefs. Does your community have a food bank, this would help out in this area and maybe free up some cash for adult briefs.
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Jamiea336 Aug 2009
The brand TENA makes an overnight pad, it is super absorbent like a baby diaper but it isn't a diaper - and it is not disposable underpants either, like depends are. TENA is a full front and back pad, no sticky tape - but you can put them in undergarments or use them alone if your elderly one doesn't move around too much. I would also suggest you get some of those wet-proof pads like they use in the hospital - they go directly under the butt area and absorb any leaks the Tena pad can't catch. I learned a handy technique by watching the hospital staff, they use the roll / remove & replace technique. Much easier than changing and washing bed sheets multiple times a day. The Tena pads are expensive but if you can eek something out of the budget -they are total sanity savers!

PS...my house is a sty too - I doubt that makes you feel any better about your situation - but we are only human and can only do so much. With two young children you already have the perfect explanation for an untidy house -caregiving gives you exponential justification!!!!! Cut yourself some slack and make a wide path for the fact that you simply can't do it all. Hang in there and go easy on yourself!
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shnasta Aug 2009
Yes my six yr. is in school and my 3 yr. goes after labor day for three hours in the morning. I have erands to run and when my d/h comes homme it's dinner and bed for the kids. then it's laundry timme! 5 peoples laundry and my mom has a bed wetting problem which I am trying to figure out what to do to not change the whole bed every day atleast once a day. My house is a pig sty bacause we had to move in with out notice and I had to move with all the kids toys I had yet to get rid of and our junk and my mom hasn't thown anything away in thirtyeight years I know of. my dad's pention and what my d/h makes gives us just a hair too much to qualify for help and it is way less than we put out. Hospice is a thought, however she is staying in bed longer and longer and doing less and less. Soon we would really need a nurse for her and ofcourse we cannot afford a thing! we are getting by on finance charges on credit cards. which is something we never dreamed we would have to do! I cannot see how I could taake care of her if she becomes bedbound. Not with two kids who need to go here and there and school and shopping and erands, etc. i cannot believe your situation.......HOW DO YOU DO IT? tHANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO "TALK". I am letting a sink full of dirty dishes go to get some sanity. take care and Thanks again!
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yearight Aug 2009
Sorry shnast, i should have read your wall first. I see you have a husband that is supportive, that's good. Yes your children are young, is the 6yr old in school? Can you put the 3yr old into daycare for say a few hrs a day or a few times a week?
Is your mom on medicare? If her finances are low she may qualify for homecare at least for a few hrs a week. Also, if your finances are iffy you might also qualify for help.
I strongly suggest that you talk to your mom's doctor. If she qualifies for in home hospice care this would be a tremendous help to you. They will teach you how to take care of a bed bound person. Hospice also provides a social worker to help with other services in your community that would apply to your mom.
I hope this helps.
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yearight Aug 2009
Tell us more about your situation. Is your mom in your home? A facility? Her home? Is she receiving hospice services? How young are your children? Do you have siblings? Your first plan of action should be to en mass a support group around yourself. This could be family, hospice, your mothers doc.,etc.
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