judyswan Asked September 2010

I need Power of Attorney, but my mother can't even sign her name and she will never agree to signing her life over to me. What's the best way to deal with this?

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pamstegma Feb 2014
She does NOT want the POA, so you either let the state declare her incompetent (if she is) and they take over, or you hire a Lawyer and spend about $5000 to petition the court and have the JUDGE appoint you her guardian.
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Oo, now, there are ways round that one, Rayth - I suggest you download the appropriate forms and read the guidance notes. I think his representative has to sign on his behalf stating why he's doing so, and that has to be witnessed too; but it's a while since I read the guidelines. But I'm sure it's been thought of - it shouldn't be hard to check.
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sandlee Feb 2014
It sucks being an only child. I'm feeling it now more than any other time of my life. I am left with a narcissistic, abusive father. He's 80, has no short-term memory which he denies, has been a victim of bank fraud and has lost 10s of thousands of dollars to exploitation by a 25 yr old drug addict, and refuses to sign a POA. I'm kinda of relieved because I don't want to be legally responsible for him any way. We've basically been estranged since my mother died 14 yrs ago. I wonder but try not to worry about what is gong to happen to him. He has no one else in his life, but he seems to prefer it that way. He is toxic to me. I suffer from depression and physical problems after I've interacted with him. My husband tells me that our family is suffering because of what it does to me to try to help him. I don't know what the solution is, but for now, I'm taking a long break from him.
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Rayth34 Feb 2014
How does a person give power of attorney if he is paralyzed and can't sign his name, but still has good mental faculties?
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patrica61 Oct 2010
Dear NiN2R3 I did not even know that a lien was placed on my mom's house until the day of the closing by the nursing home up North. When we all were in the lawyers office in New York that's when we all found out. A check had to be made payable to the nursing home and then I had to continue paying until I was able to get mom to Flodia with me. The nursing home only told me the house had to sold and my unclse must leave his place of living of over 26 years. (mom had a two family home, he did help out a lot) each state has it's laws. But if the house can be put in your name have it don, to save grief. My mom had the illness a long time.
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denise55,

Sometimes you do find the will plus other papers. My mother is 79 and has a copy of her late mother's will in her safety deposit box in which there was also a letter saying something about my mother's will which led me to consult with her brother who said he had mailed it back to her after it had been in a lock box for several years. I had already searched my mother's room well, but I searched it one more time and I found it. Earlier, I had gone to the clerk of court to see if it was on file there because some people do that. I even went to the family lawyer who was semi retired and sad to say did not remember writing it in 1979. If you know the county in which your mother was married, you should be able to go to the register of deeds to find a copy of the marriage license. Only by accident was mom's living will discovered because she put it in a very strange and random place. Her, husband, my step-dad, was completely in the dark about all of this.

Good luck.
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nanlinjoe Oct 2010
N1K2R3:
Medicaid will help pay for a nursing home if your parent neds skilled care, but not for assisted living. I don't know if this varies from state to state, but I suspect it doesn't matter b/c Medicaid is a Federal program. One of Medicaids rules is that if a spouse or children are still living in the house, it can't be sold. BUT, if your parent is the sole occupant, Medicaid can require the sale of the house before qualifying for Medicaid assistance.
Hope this helps.
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N1K2R3 Oct 2010
I'm learning something......I didn't know that a nursing home could put a lien on one's house while they were in the nursing home. It does make sense however ( for them ). If one does not have a Long-Term Care Insurance Policy, and the family is paying privately, then the nursing home has to be protected against a family whose loved one dies and abandons the payments. I assume that the lien will be removed as soon as the nursing home is paid.
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patrica61 Oct 2010
I lived in Florida and was abkle to get a will/ durable power of attorney and legal health epoxy done through the company I worked. its wass through a employee assistnace program. My mother did have a small problem, was able to sign her name but the lawyers helped her out. Lucky I did it back in 1999, because in 2000 she fell and then again in 2001. The company charge to me was only $100.00they picked up the differnce, I also made my self legal rep over mom. I saw things going wrong. But don't get upsate get with your states local elder care and also the alzheimers hot line association. Their may be a way paper work can be done. A elder care lawyer can help but you will pay for it dearly. The only thing my mom did not listen to the lawyer about was the house. She though it was her house and wouldf would die in it and and it would be mine. wELL THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN WHEN THE DOCTOR PUT YOUR LOVED ONE IN A NURSING NURSE. a LEIN WAS PLACE. It took from 2005 ubntil 2007 to sell the house and get mom down to Florida. Also if your mom was married to a veternans and you do have his miltary paper work and she did not remarried there are benefits aslo due for her care. it takes time. check out this things and hang in .I know i do not want any one to go through what I went through. I had all the legal paper work and still receiving bills that were submitted to medicare a year after her death.
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outrigger Oct 2010
You don't choose doctors and lawyers from the phone book - and epoxy is glue - not something you need for a sick parent. DNR was your mothers decision - not the decision of some idiot who can't spell and gives you their personal advice. DIscuss your dedicisons with your doctor and attorney - don't take the advice of some unknown person
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