leather57 Asked July 2010

How can I get my mom to go the doctor is she refuses but I know she needs a check-up?

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avergne Feb 2011
yes depending on the doctor, more and more doctors and going back to those trends, where are you located and maybe I can provide a resource, Ana ARNP
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lawgreen Feb 2011
what they will make house calls? :)
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avergne Feb 2011
bring the doctor to her, Ana ARNP
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lawgreen Feb 2011
I am in the same boat...cannot get my 61 yr old mother to the Dr she is a heavy smoker with a horrible cough she gets furious with me when I bring it up...she has not seen a doctor in 24 yrs and that is only cuz she gave birth to my little sister...advice anyone?
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I finally got my Mom to go to the Dr this week as well, she was really hard to deal with (earlier in the week) angry outburst due to delusions, in the middle of a blow up I explained to her she could no longer live in my home if she didn't see a doctor, she said she'd kill herself or run away, I explained if that was her choice then that would be her legacy but she was going to the doctor. She did go and now we have a second appt with a memory doctor, it went okay, but I think the end of the day appt was not best for Mom, she did have an outburst about killing herself in the drs office as well, and the dr didn't seem to be as alarmed as I am everytime she says it...not sure if that means the dr needs a reality check or I do. She was not given any meds for the outburst (which was my prayer), but hopefully the next doctor will give her the time and concern that I think is needed to see all that she is going through.
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I negotiated with my mom. Okay, I sorta lied. I told her we were going out to lunch. Once we were in the car ...

I spoke with doc ahead of time and said that the check up had to be quick and un-scary. It was like taking a 6 year old for booster shot! That reminds me . . . i did not get a lollypop for bringing my mom in.

But I did take her out to lunch.
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leather57 Jul 2010
I finally got Mom to the Dr., it was the emergency room. She was acting really weak. She has her motor home here at my home and we said we where going someplace, she was all for that. It's took 2 EMTs and a police officer to get her out of the RV. I was afraid of injury to her. She weighs 79 lbs. and is a real fighter. That turned to a follow up with a Dr. and another fight, but she has now seen a Dr and he said that it is a sad thing that ppl have to be forced to go, but without it ppl can get into trouble with the law for neglect.. He wrote everything in his report and said he would be her Dr. but now it's her choice. She has high BP, he seemed to think putting her on meds at this time would do more harm than good.
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My mother will not go to the doctor either, realizes that something is wrong, she thinks that people can now come through the walls-don't need a key, she realizes that she forgets and asks the same question sometimes 20x in a row...but will not go. She says if I try to make her she will die on the way and her death will be on me.....I tricked her into one session told her it was for a job intv for a senior daycare service that she would be working for the Dr., he told me she is at stage 3 if this is classified as a 4 stage disease, and wanted her to come back. She will not go back, said there were too many crazy people at that place and she wouldn't work for that Dr. he wasn't as bright as her ;-D

I have no idea what to do, but take it one day at a time...
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LynnPO Jul 2010
At 91 - I'd just make the appointment for 1-130pm, tell her you're going to lunch, go to eat about 11 and then drive her to the doctor's office and haul her in there. If she refuses - go get the nurse to help you get her from the parking lot. Often they are terrible to family and care givers but will nice to authority figures.

It's really difficult to argue about these kinds of things - especially when you know it's for their own good. That said, we - as care givers - must learn to let go of some of this. Even though we want to show our respect and love, when they're still capable of making up their own mind and being so stubborn - all you can do is wait for something to go wrong then live with the consequences. That could mean hospitalization, assisted living or a nursing home - but you must remember that you tried to give them the best quality of life given the circumstances. My own mom has health issues that she ignored for months; she refused to go to physical therapy. I knew she needed to go, i pleaded for her to go, i reasoned with her, told her what would happen if she didn't go - all fell on deaf ears. She preferred to hobble around, read, let us bring her meals, and help her bath and sit in front of the TV. Now, 1 year later, she lives in a nursing home, can't walk at all and wonders why her doc won't prescribe therapy to regain her strength. She's 90 so I don't argue, I just say, "I'll ask him" then we have some coffee and pie and talk about something else. We had a good couple of years, all the while waiting for something to happen, knowing something would happen. It might shorten her life or limit her abilities but at least we didn't spend the 2 years angry or worried. i hope you can find some way to deal with your mom and your concern. Best of luck.
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robbie2010 Jul 2010
I know my Dad hates the doctor, says its a torture chamber (the shower is too) My sister is a saint and she lives with him. She does not ask, she simply makes the appts, wakes him, helps him get ready and takes him.
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