Can mom live alone?

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In assisted living for 18 months. Was doing "ok", but last 6 months wants to go home! My mother tells me to go to hell, I "did" this to her, she will never forgive me, etc. However, staff says she is doing well. I wonder if I jumped the gun by moving her too soon??? She was hallucinating, calling police, wandering, not eating. All this resolved , once she entered the AL facility. Should I move her back, and try one more time????

Answers 1 to 10 of 10
You didn't share what the cause was of her hallucinating, calling police, ect... or her age, or what health issues she has, but if she is doing so well now, would you want to move her home because she is upset with you...??? A little more info please.... we'll help if we know a little more of the situation....
Sorry, first time for me here. My Mom is 92. Mild cognitive dementia. No real physical/medical issues. No cane/walker, but is definately unsteady. I believe her hallucinations were caused by her isolation. Once she moved to AL, they stopped completely! She liked it for about 8 months, but now that she is doing better, she feels she can go home. I know that would be a mistake. But, hearing her complain constantly, phoning 10 times/day, is really weraing me down. Do I give her false hope that she May go home, or tell her outright that it is not possible. Unfortunately, I am the only child nearby, so I get all the grief. I see others adjust, and just wish she could. Always was a stubborn thing, that got her own way.
No problem and thanks for updating us... if she has been content for 8 months, then she'll adjust again... this sounds like the perfect place for her.... and you can speak with the head nurse and have her call you if it's a real emergency and you don't have to answer everytime she calls... the worst is going to happen is she will get angry, which she already is....if 'getting her way' is not in her best interest, then stand your ground... You may also talk with staff about this and ask for suggestions on how to appoach this... you may incorporate her Dr. in saying this is the best place for her. Possibly the Dr could be the one to talk with her, or be present when you talk to her... just because our elders stomp their feet does not mean we give in, regardless of how tiring it gets.... Either way it's a pain in the butt, so pick your pain.... of knowing she is safe and healthy or coming up with ways to not have to listen to it all the time.... hope this helped, prayers and angels for you to find a solution....let us know how things progress, follow your gut.... that is where your answer is... not your head or your heart...
Where is "home"? Would it even be possible for her to return to where she lived before ALF?

For your own sanity, detach a bit from Mom. As ladee says, don't answer 10 calls a day. Leave if a visit gets abusive. "Mom, today my presence here seems to be upsetting you. I'll leave now and hope for a better visit next time I come."

I wonder if her outbursts indicate a worsening on the dementia scale. How is her memory? Her judgment?

Mom was 40 mins from me. Now she is 10mins. I could see her 4-5 times /week, if she was nicer at our visits. I tried her in my home for 3 weeks, twice. Brought pics, personal items, etc. EVERY day, all day, she wanted to leave. She finally wore me out, and I took her back. Won't listen to Doctor, I am telling him lies. Refuses any outside help meals, etc. Had a caregiver at night, but did not want that , either. She thinks of herself as 70, does not recognize her limitations.
Top Answer
No. Do not move her back and try one more time. She is where she needs to be. Set boundaries, and if she respects them, visit her often.
Having aged parents is not for sissies is it? I have gone through much of the above with my mother and believe all of the above answers to be excellent counsel. When we were young our parents, if they were good parents ( I had atleast one-- my mother) loved us when we were small. They were not buddies with us, but they cared for us and watched out for our welfare. Whether it was keeping us out of traffic, being sure we did not eat too much ice cream, maybe cautioned us about a friend who they were concerned about...and the list goes on--they cared for us the best they could--and we did not always like them for it!
Now the role has reversed. We may not always be their "little girl" or best buddy, but we can leave the AL or SKN knowing that we made the right decision and did the right thing. We may not always feel good about the decision--but our decisions cannot always be made based on our feelings or emotions. The officer in the military cannot go with his "feelings" but with his integrity in doing what is right; the pastor cannot always go with his feelings when giving a sermon, but boldly proclaims truth from the Scriptures, knowing that people may not always like what he says; and the policeman cannot always give or not give the ticket according to what he feels, but does what is right--keeping us safe....I hope you keep us updated. This is not the easiest time, but may we count our blessings for the good talks...the special moments... etc..Something that helps my mother's and my relationship: I choose an activity at my mother's SKN and accompany her at the activity. For her it is listening to The Piano Man each Wed. We have a wonderful time and we both look forward to it.
How do you handle the guilt of not having a parent live with you?? I always thought I would do that, even bought a home, so the set up would be easier. However, as time went on, various issues presented themselves, and I just knew it would not work. It changes the dynamics immensely. I know she is better off where she is, but, boy, do I feel guilty!!!
lili92, are you getting some counselling for yourself?

Ouch, what does that mean?????

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