Mom supports my adult brother financially and is her POA. He's draining her funds, what can I do?

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She basically supports him financially, and she is retired, living on a fixed income. He has stolen from her since he was a teenager, and has a 3 page criminal rap sheet. He has had drinking and drug problems for many years. Last year, without telling me, she deeded her home to him upon her death, and changed her Power of Attorney to have me and my brother both as personal representatives. She didn't know it was a public record, and I confronted her about the Power of Attorney and told her I would not get involved; that she should just let my brother be sole Power of Attorney, since she has set things up for him to have what little she has after her death. She wants me to take care of her estate when she passes, and I have no intention of taking care of everything while the Power of Attorney and Deed remain as they are. My brother and I do not get along at all because he knows that I know what he has done to her over the years. Whenever I speak to her about it, she says he would just have to take whatever he wants, because she can't do anything about it. My heart just sank when she said this. She is very afraid of being along, and is willing to let him rob her blind, as long as he lives with her. I am sure that is why he doesn't pay any rent or contribute financially. She still prepares his meals, changes his bed sheets, washes his clothes, all things that he should be doing for her. She insists she can't live without him, because he does "so much" for her, which to my knowledge, consists of picking up prescriptions for her at the local pharmacy 1 mile away from her home. She even goes to the grocery store on her own. My husband and I try to do as much as we can for her, and she will call when she needs us too. I am worried sick that my mother will one day need assisted living, and any funds she has will have been drained by my brother. What can I do? She is in complete denial when I try to talk to her about it. Thank you.

Answers 1 to 10 of 18
It sounds like the same thing my sister has been doing for the past 7+ years to my 89 year old mother also to my two adult disabled sisters & my younger brother until he passed away in July/ 2012 & she wasn't even living with them. I took care of all of them almost 3 past years, never asked for any pay wouldn't have felt right about taking their money. My sister Makes our mother pay everything from her rent to her food , makeup, pocket money, she hasn't worked in 10+ years. I've turned her into the OIG ( Office of Inspector General) its a crime, put a stop to it I wish I had done it along time ago. Its Elder Financial Abuse ! Good Luck :-)
In my case the lawyer hired by x-sister is the corrupt party as well as x-sis. They both collaborated to isolate only one of moms money market accounts and only submitted that money market account deliberately making mom fraudulently look poorer than she is so mom would be thrown in the worst possible nursing home imaginable while x-sis went on a real estate shopping spree for herself and her x-husband he since croaked. He's was the mastermind of this plot. Anyway I'm writing a book and exposing everyone and every situation as I documented this for eight years. It destroyed my life because of the cruelty and extreme GREED! My story will be a real eye opener about this Elder Financial Abuse. The state of Florida is ignoring every request I submitted to get action on this including the contact I made with the Attorney Generals offioce as a matter of fact the state of Florida is allowing this monster to actually volunteer in a hospice. I feel she is scouting out her next victim as she has no remorse or emotions. She is living a double life and bought up over a million dollars worth bof properties. The abuse doesn't seem real. But it is so real. You can't believe there aren't better laws to protect against this horrible plot. Lawyers don't seem to want to end this because in my opinion they are making fast easy money. The lawyer x-sis hired stated she didn't do an asset research. Well if she did that than 100% of the abuse would not have occurred because she would've seen a huge withdrawal of $63,000 four months prior to this visit with this atty and another one for $25,000 two years prior to that. Oh these creeps go to town thinking they deserve everything. So sorry for this document everything go to the police file reports. Get an Obudsmen. Scream loudly and don't stop. Contact Stop GuardianElderAbuse.org check on google. Demand someone help you and threaten every single person that if their help fails that you are documenting their names. I wish I would've done all that now. I was in total shock and every lawyer and every situation I did failed. Try everything you can to get the power of attorney away if you can talk to your mom till she's blue in the face. Best of luck. I'll be praying. XXOXOXXOXOOO
Wow Always Busy, There is a lot more to my story than I said, up until January, 30 I was still caring for mom and two sisters but the sister I was talking about has twisted everything around , I am still in shock as to how she got me out and her in. The things I am most worried about is she physically abuses my autistic sister mentally & physically, it just kills me to know I am not there to protect her anymore, I've been pretty much homeless since Jan 30 , living in my Kia Sorento & motel rooms I can afford. I am disabled & have pacemaker my husbands disabled to, but I will do anything I have to so it will stop. I've never been in this position in my life. Tomorrow We've got to try to find a place to stay & I will call STOP GUARDIAN ELDER ABUSE Thank You :-)
I live with and care for my mother, and my sister, who does absolutely nothing to help me or our mom out, has accused me of the same thing, so obviously, I read your post with some caution. But then again, I don't have a 'rap sheet' and don't financially feed off my mother. If what you say is true, then spend some money (well worth it) and speak to an attorney, but the bottom line is that there is probably nothing you can do about it. He is your brother, your mom's son, and as unfair and even evil as this situation is, probably nothing can be done about it. Your mom is willing to make that trade-off with being used by him as long as she is not alone, and he knows it. I guess the only thing you can actually do is somehow make peace with it, and move on with your own life.
Do not do what we did, and try to deal reasonably, and kindly in a 'Christian' manner.
Simply go to the Police.
When elderly people go in that dark place between dementia and not, which seems unrecognised by every authority, they get 'used'. ALERT, ALERT, AND ALERT!
Before it is too late.....
My sister and I have almost the same problem with our brother. He hasn't worked in almost 10 years yet continues to live with our parents. He has a car, cell phone, gas card, clothes, car insurance and lives free of charge. He doesn't have health insurance so anytime there is anything wrong (he is a hypochondriac) all trips to the emergency room are paid cash by mom. Mom has a pension and social security, my Dad has only social security. Until last month, my dad, (At 86 years old) was going to work every day to provide for my brother) My brother says he does not work because he is bipolar. He has been seeing the same psychiatrist for about 15 years. (all paid for in cash by Mom). The doctor has not done anything to prepare my brother for life without mom and dad, nor has he encouraged him to apply for welfare. When my parents die, my brother will be out on the street yet he does nothing to prepare himself for this situation. i believe this is unethical on the doctor's part but with the HIPPA, we are not allowed to speak to the doctor. I wanted to write him a letter but my mom refuses to give me the doctors name. My brother has a terrible temper and we think my parents are actually afraid of him. Neither of us live in town so we aren't sure what is actually going on. My sister went to an attorney who specializes in elderly problems and she was basically told that as long as my parents are giving him money and allowing him to live there, there is nothing that can be done. We have tried talking them into making one of us have POA but they are afraid of giving up their independence. Their financial advisor told them if they continue spending the way they are, supporting our brother, that they will run out of money in about 2 years. yet he continues to have a car, cell, internet access , free medical care etc. . Since our Dad was forced to retire, their money problems have become very serious. I know this is financial abuse and believe there is also mental abuse here. The biggest problem is that my parents will deny that there is anything wrong. ( they say It would be too embarrassing)
We all have similar problems here but there don't seem to be any answers for us. Attorneys-social workers-Guardian elder abuse who can and will actually help??.
Since you denied co-sharing the POA with your brother, you really do not have a say. If your mother has deeded her house to him, that is her right. If she continues to "take care" of him, that is also her right. Having him for company sounds like it is enough for your mother, and at this point all you can do is be supportive of "HER" decisions. It is her money, her house, and her life. Do not worry now about what may or may not happen in the future. All you can do is be a good daughter, help her when SHE asks, and leave the two of them alone. I know this will be hard for you, but you already made that decision when you refused co-partnership with your brother. Seems to me you are cutting your nose off to spite your face about your brother and your mother is the one who will suffer. Forgiveness goes a long way dear one.
Top Answer
Call your local area on aging and file an fiduciary elder abuse report and they will assign an investigator (usually lawyers) and your brother will have to answer to where the money is being spent and all bank accounts will be looked at.
PS. the same thing happened to a friend of mine. Her brother took everything, the parents lost their house and my friend had to obtain guardianship after everything was gone and her parents had to go into a medicaid assisted nursing home when they became ill. Her mother just passed and there was no money for burial and the remaining siblings had to come up with the cash for the funeral. Take action now....
Reading these stories on this website make me believe that we are not in a place between heaven and hell. We are living in the latter. As the common saying goes "Hell on Earth." There is another popular saying "Life is Short," and it is. And we spend it dealing with this crap? So many issues, so much anxiety and so much pain. Why? Because we let our situation control us. The reality is we utlimately have control over our lives and what we feel. I hope I will learn that before I am on my own death bed, and think, "What a schmuck I've been to do this to myself."

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