What can I do when I break down to the point of not being good for anyone anymore?

Burned out, broken down, finantially ruined, not even a good son anymore

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
Wanted to add that Brother and his wife refuse to help, wife ran off 4 years ago, daughter is now mad and won't even answer calls for almost a year
How long have you been doing this? Does your mother appreciate the care that you have given her? Could she go to assisted living or a nursing home so that you can put your life back together?
I just don't know anymore. I think it's too late to rebuild I'm 50 years old. My mother is appreciative but I feel like she is mad at me for being depressed. I've been caring for her on some level for about 4 years but this past year has been really bad to the point where I haven;t been able to work.

I would like to add that since this has been going on, and I have seen how everyone has abandoned us, I have realized that my mother is the only person I have in the world and I love her very much.

I really just can't believe that everyone has distanced themselves from us. I really have no support, not even emotional.

Sorry if i'm not making much sense
Top Answer
Let me get this straight. Your wife leaves you 4 years ago and your mother at about the same time comes home to live with you. Then three years later, your daughter decides to not talk with you. What is she all mad about? It is bad enough to be abandoned by your brother and his wife, but to be abandoned by your own family is worse. No wonder you are depressed. Are you on any anti-depressant? I gather that you lost your job recently due to your depression which is depressing as well. Have you discussed your depression with your mother? If she is angry at you for being depressed, then that is plain mean. Why did she end up coming to live with you instead of your brother? How old is your mother? I'm 55 and my mother turned 81 today, plus I'm on disability. I really don't have any answers for you, but my one suggestion is to go see a therapist.
My business, my money, my health insurance, and my credit are all gone. I have to ask my mother for money for expenses, I feel like such a nothing.

I hide in my bedroom most of the day. When the phone rings or someone knocks on the door I go into a panic.

A year and a half ago I was some kind of normal. Now I'm nothing but a loser. The guilt is unbearable.
Joe..please try to get some help for the depression. There are services that you can get based on your income or lack of.. Am so sorry to hear that everyone has abandoned you and mom. But you have got to hang in there for you and for her. This is a good safe place to come and vent...call social services and does your mom quality for some home care? It is scary to have panic attacks, you have to try to push through to get yourself some help.
Hi since 2001 I was a caregiver to family(both my in-laws,brother-in-law,and then my wife who passed on in 2010) during this time I dealt with all the issues that you talk about and at times I just wanted to go out back and beat on a tree with a bat in frustration(but I did go down by the lake Michigan and scream) My whole life revolved around taking care of them 24/7 and I felt like you do now at many times I wanted to quit and crawl in a hole. But I reached out to a church,professional help,find someone who can just listen and not judge. I found help online in such a forum as you are using now.I sought out a mental help doctor at the VA which helped I started going to a church down the street that also helped. You need to stay connected with other people and you need to have down time away from Mom.You need to get out of the house, get into the sunlight .But go see someone look in the Yellow Pages there are many to pick from. It's not a crime to say you need help. Let me know how it goes and I will write back when I see a new post.
Joe, it does sound like you may be depressed. As others have suggested, check with social services in your area - there are probably resources available (even with no income) for both you and your mother. I am caregiver for both my husband (parkinson's disease) and my 93-yo mother, who lives with us. At times, it's just all too much, so I recently began seeing a therapist for ME. It has been tremendously helpful. I can safely vent to her, and she is able to offer practical suggestions for handling my depression as well as my caregiving responsibilities.
The biggest message she's given me is that I MUST nurture myself, not just my family members. I MUST do things that are gentle, kind, and loving towards ME - soak in a hot tub with the bathroom door locked so I can have a few minutes to myself. Make sure you keep in contact with friends, even if only but phone. Eat healthy foods, and try to take at least a short walk daily, both for the exercise and for the sunshine (your body produces Vitamin D when you're in the sun, and that helps your emotional wellbeing). Also, try contacting churches in your area - many churches offer volunteer services that may give you a little respite, so you can safely get away for a few hours without having to worry about your Mom. Please try these suggestions - I was at the end of my rope, but after doing some of these things, I am now feeling more like myself and not so overwhelmed, even though nothing else has changed.
Joe, my best advice, RUN. I've been there, too. You don't need to abandon anybody. But you do need to care for yourself. Start by finding a way to get enough sleep. Your mother has used you up. Her wishes NO LONGER count. Find an overnight care giver and rent yourself a hotel room. It's amazing what three nights of continuous sleep will do (warning it may take 2 nights before you stop waking up in a panic at the silence).

Sit down and make a list of things you used to enjoy. Pick one and schedule it into your day for a week. Move on to the next, try it for a week. Keep going down the list until you find the one that helps the most right now.

Above all, don't do this alone. You've found the computer. Use it. There are many virtual communities out there. Make contact with therm until you find the one that works for you.

Remember, the object of the exercise is for you to survive this (yes, it will end) with enough mental, emotional and physical energy to have a life.

Blessings on you.

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