Follow
Share

Can somebody recommend some good titles on both subjects? There are so many books and so little time to read them all. Which have been most helpful to you all. Also: What kind of personality disorders are "daughters of narcissistic mothers" prone to? :) :( !

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I get this newsletter, it is very helpful and you don't have to get through a lot of material at once. thenarcissistinyourlife/category/children-of-narcissistic-mothers/
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Now she's talking about me to her friend...I"M SO CONFUSED...maybe she's not a narcissist...I don't know anymore
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I just bought Children of the Self-absorbed...also am familiar with Danu Morgan's site on Daughters of Narcissistic mothers...You can download an ebook called "You're not Crazy"....i can't wait to read it...

She is driving me crazy today...She treats me so differently than her friends...She treats me like a slave...while I'm taking care of her every damn need, she hasn't once asked me about myself...I need to stop raging at her...I have a real problem with anger and I can't seem to shake it...I just can't handle her criticising the other caregivers...this one is too passive, that one is too fat, on and on...bla bla bla...it's no use trying to get her to stop...I wondered today if she is always criticizing me about my body...her NPD is to blame for my body image and eating disorder when I was 11. Sorry for rambling but it's what my day is like.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A friend sent me to narcissistinyourlife. Neat little newsletter format for support if you don't want to dredge through a lot of stuff.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I believe some people (my mother included) actually enjoy complaining. It's one thing to complain about a legitimate problem, but there are some people that no matter what you do for them, it is never enough, and they complain away. There are many different types of personalities, of course, and it is confusing to me to tell sometimes if a person has a true personality disorder or if they are just selfish and/or spoiled.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have to agree with Palmtrees1, I have read many books as well as psychiatric studies on Narcissistic mothers and I believe "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" is the best book to read and follow through with the activities in the book. One thing about it is that it's not about blame but rather at recovering from the damages done by Narcissistic Parents and being set free from that prison of low self esteem, self doubt and finding out that our life at home really wasn't about us but all about her mental disorder.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My elderly mother lives independently, is very intelligent and no signs of dementia could be the queen of personality disorders. She is as follows: codependent, emotionally immature, fear of heights, selective fear of inclosed spaces, hypochondriac, medical attention seeker, extreme OCD, paranoid, chronic complainer, unrealistic, no common sense, technological phobic and the list goes on. This has always been a way of life for her. Her memory is still sharp for 81 years old. Makes you wonder if she has a lot of clones hidden away in her closet. LOL
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I would second emjo's suggestion on Stop Walking on Eggshells. I like the workbook. .My own mother was also narcissistic. I agree that someone who has not experienced it cannot understand the impact one person can have on an entire family. The Walking on Eggshells book really helped me see what MIL was doing and how to adjust my behavior. It also helped me to understand how my own mother's issues have affected me into adulthood. The key is to emotionally disengage. Once you realize you are spinning your wheels trying to please someone who will never be pleased, it can be very liberating. Then, you are free to do the best you can. My MIL is definately narcissistic. I have never seen her get a gift and accept it gracefully. She ALWAYS find something wrong and gets extremely angry that the giver did not know she would 't like it. Then comes the multiple trips to the store to exchange items until she is satisfied. Once I realized her game, I refused to play any more. When she first moved in, she rejected the quilt on her bed as "too warm". So, I removed it and showed her the spare blanket I had left in the closet for her. She rejected it for reasons unknown. What she really wanted was a blanket like the thrown I have in our family room. So, the next day, I went to Target and got it for her. They had a choice of two colors, and I picked the one that would match her room best. When I took it home she rejected it as it is not "her color". At first, I wanted to scream. I briefly thought about going back to Target and exchanging it. Then, I decided no. When she gets cold, I am sure she will rethink the color. I just ignored her rejection. Sure enough, the next night was very cold, and that blanket was suddenly more acceptable. When she gets bitchy, I leave the room. I just won't engage. Sadly, that is often. Last week she got really angry because the clerk at the grocery store wished her a blessed day. Really, there is nothing you can do with someone that miserable.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Madge thanks for sharing the McBride book - I haven't read that one. I had just had a very disappointing therapy experience recently and sometimes I get discouraged on how much therapy can accomplish. Still I would not wish to be totally ignorant of narcissism because just like you say - they will eat you alive if they can all the while calling it love.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Karyl McBride looks good. I have just ordered it, Thanks for the thumbs up Madge
Also "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" Paul T. Mason (Author), Randi Kreger (Author) which has a workbook as well,. My mother has BPD and it narcisssistic. At this point I am considering NC (no contact) as the last session with her has affected my health negatively and I cannot afford it. I have been fighting to get my health back, for the last three years.
I have found there are a number of good sites on the internet -DONM is a favourite.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Freshair, there is a site I really like called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Google it and just take your time and read. It opened my eyes. I knew something was wrong with Mom, she did not behave as a normal mother. I am also not alone in my thoughts and opinions, my brother sees it, as does my husband and children and many relatives. Mom's father was the same way, her mother was wonderful. You will learn that often these traits run in families.

Search on this site posts about narcissism. I am sure you will be reading for a while. I have read many, many posts from many people about their problems with a parent who exhibits selfish behaviors. The one thing to remember is that selfishness can be due to dementia or alzheimers. If you mother is not suffering with these conditions and this has been a life long problem, then she probably has a problem with selfishness or narcissism.

People who do not have a narcissistic parent can not begin to understand the damage these parents do to their children. Whether or not your mother is narcissistic would require a doctor's opinion, however, parents can do alot of damage even with varying degrees of this type personality.

It has taken me about two years to come to grips with my mother and her manipulating. She is a healthy 82 years old with no dementia or any other problem other than complete and total selfishness.

Good luck to you and keeping reading.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks for your response Madge1. I love that there are as many oppinions as there are people on this network. I haven't had many people to get feedback from for a long time now. It really is a relief.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also, remember that mothers with these narcissistic traits do much damage to their children. Overcoming that damage is the number one priority. You have to realize what she has done and what you can do about it. Then, as Fairydust recommends, live a healthy life.

I learned to disengage. It was not easy at first but over time and understanding, it finally clicked. Now mom is 82, alone and her "golden boy", who is also part of the problem, realize they may actually need me. Mom had a heart issue just before Christmas, my brother was able to spend a few days with her. She is fine, but it is very obvious she will need me if she is sick for an extended time. I am prepared and won't be manipulated. I can do this because I have educated myself about HER problem. Otherwise she and my brother would eat me alive. This is the dynamic of our family, sad but true. I have to know this or they would literally kill me with the stress.

If you have a Kindle or e-reader, look at the self help book section. There are many choices. And the Narcissistic Family that FairyDust recommends is a good one too.

Take care and I hope you find some peace in the coming new year.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I disagree, somewhat, with Fairydust. I have read many books as well and realize they are "just books" not a professional diagnosis. However, I did read one that change my way of thinking. I read Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride and it did something to make me realize what I could and could not do with a person with narcissistic traits. It basically freed me to realize I had no power over changing my mother and to go and live my life in peace.

If you haven't read this book, it was worth the read for me. it made me realize how I was never going to make things better and to just move on. Hope it helps you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger and Paul Mason - there is a workbook too - both are good. The workbook helps you to become healthier.
There is a great site called daughtersofnarcissistcmothers dot com - just google the phrase. There is a lot of information which most find to be very helpful, not in labelling, but in recognising the games/pitfalls and helping you to get healthier. There are lots of resources in the internet -you can browse around and find what suits you best. My mother has Borderline personality Disorder, and is narcissistic. She is very difficult to deal with, and emotionally abusive. Anyone brought up in a home with adults who have these problems, certainly has struggles. Detaching is really important.

quote from the book
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Walking on Eggshells
When someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder
by Randi Kreger
Remember it's Detaching "With Love"
It's important to remember the "with love" part. Detaching with love is not a way of treating someone one else, judging them, controlling their action, or implying approval or disapproval. If the world were a store and someone came up to you looking for the auto parts section, detaching would be like saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm not the sales clerk. I don't know where the auto parts are; perhaps you can find a sales clerk at the customer service counter." It's not saying, "Let me find out for you," and it's not snapping "Do you see me wearing a uniform? No? Then leave me alone!"
Detaching is a method of setting boundaries to protect yourself. It can also mean that you give up the notion that you can control their behavior, and you stop allowing them to control yours. It’s hard. It takes practice. But for many, detaching works
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good luck and let us know what you find. (((((((hugs))))) Joan
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you Fairydust. I hear you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There are many books but The Narcissistic Family by Donald-Pressman is one of the best. I would encourage you though not to get lost down the rabbit hole of analyzing and labeling behaviors. At first there is a relieving validation but at the end of the day you get diminishing returns and you are still left with the problems. It's my belief now that my time would have been much better spent focusing on how to make myself healthier in general and in how I deal with the world rather than getting a layman's psychology PhD in an abnormal psych.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter