davvie113 Asked August 2010

Is it best to tell my Mom I have to put her in a nursing home, or should i just trick her and tell her I will be coming back for her?

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MiaMadre Aug 2010
With your husband already there, it will make it MUCH easier for you to visit and see that both are happy. I learned to keep my visits as UPBEAT as possible, brought something to do with me, and involved Mom whenever I could!

My mother had Alzheimer's and she was often wondering why there were 'so many people visiting'!! I told her they were there for the tupperware party, or the 'birthday party' or the 'sewing bee' or quilting bee, or anything else I thought might work.

When Mom needed 'quiet' time we would dine in her room, or go outside (weather permitting) to make her feel more comfortable.

I truly miss my mother, and stay here in hopes of helping someone else shorten their learning curve, but in your case, you may have MORE experience than I in dealing with the changes!

God bless you for all you do!
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davvie113 Aug 2010
I am planning on putting her in next week. Her husband is already
in this nursing home .It is such a hard thing for me to do ,but she needs round the clock care her dementia is getting worse .Between myself
and my son we have cared for her for 7 yrs.
Yes i do not want to upset her at all .So the best thing to do would just to
say i am going to the store .Thank you so much..That is a great help.
I am praying that she will be comfortable in her new home.
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MiaMadre Aug 2010
Davvie: I am confused. Did you just 'drop your mother off' at a nursing home? Surely you plan on visiting her on a regular basis, and if you do then do just that. Visit her often, make sure she is comfortable, but there is no need to 'tell her' she is in a nursing home. Just let her feel like this 'new place' is her home. Bring things that are familiar to her (if you can). Familiar items, pictures, pillows, slippers, anything that they will allow to make her feel at home.

When you "visit" bring her favorite tea and some treat, or coffee and cookie, as if you were visiting her at her home! When you leave, let her know that you are just going out to the store, "Do you need anything Mom"?

There is no need to 'tell' people things that will upset them. Is this dishonest? I don't think so. I think it is unkind to tell things that may only upset our loved ones, just for the sake of 'telling the truth!!"

Please do not just 'leave' her at the nursing home, no matter how difficult it is for you to visit her there. There isn't an excuse that you can muster that will justify you not visiting her. If you are not local in the area, then see if you can find a suitable facility that is close enough for you and your family to visit her OFTEN!

My beloved mother was almost 100 miles from my house, and the only reason I agree to that was because "I" was the only family member (in the state) that wasn't local to where she was placed. All the other 14 family members visited her, but not as often as I would have liked. I know in my heart that I was there with her as much as physically possible, and that she felt at 'home' in the facility because of these visits.
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