What is best for my dad, nursing home or home care?

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My father is 89 and is in poor health. He has been in and out of hospitals since August. He had 2 heart attacks, was given a pacemaker, then was sent to rehab. He came home and then withing 2 weeks, he was back in hospital with another heart attack and very weak..Was told he was losing blood, but to this day, no one can determine where he is losing blood. He goes to hospital, rehab, home and within 3 weeks the cycle begins again. Right now, my siblings and I are trying to care for him. But, he has been having accidents at home falling, bruising his arm up and putting gashes in his head. He has heart disease, diabetes, COPD, and congestive heart failure..and now may be in beginning dementia. My siblings are trying to keep him from going into a nursing home, so the house won't be sold for his care. He receives soc sec and retirement, plus has some savings. But, I get the feeling they would rather risk his health than spend the money it would take to make sure he is cared for. I have been pushing for home care with at least one shift being a skilled nurse. But they are fighting me on it, saying it will cost too much. What can I do to explain to them he needs better care from what we can offer him. I believe he may be able to live longer if given proper care. I don't want to cause a ruckus with my family, but I feel compelled to make sure he is cared for. By the way I am the youngest with 10 years separating me from the next child. So my opinion has never been taken seriously. Any help or advise is appreciated.

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
Yeah, he really needs a special care through a skilled nurse...I can do that for you...
What does his doctor say? My mother-in-law's doctor finally told us that she can't live at home alone anymore. Let the doctor in on your dilemma.
To jeanehumayno...I too think he needs skilled nursing at home. By the way he would prefer to stay at home. And I found out today...he has been home since Monday and his lungs have already filled back up with fluid. He is prescribed Lasix, but I have been pushing for a hosptial bed where his chest and head can be elevated to keep the fluid from draining into his upper chest. To naheaton: We do have his doctor informed, all 6 of them. We have been told over and over that he needs constant care and can never be left alone. I have spoke to my siblings but they are still concerned with saving money and not taking my interests or concerns seriously. I am seriously thinking about pulling out the whole staying with him twice a month because I'm feel I am inadequate in his care. I would forever feel guilty if I was able to provide the best possible care for him. My sister has faith he will get better and be able to stay on his own again. But all the signs point to that never happening. I don't know how to convince them otherwise. I guess they will learn these lessons as we go along, I just hope Daddy doesn't suffer because of them.
Top Answer
There are so many loaded issues here. First, are the siblings holding back on the money to insure that Dad will have enough to care for himself in the future or are they worried about an inheritance? Perhaps they can't face the realities of their father getting older and weaker. Regardless, they are in deep-dish denial.
I respect you for trying to keep him in his home, but he does absolutely, positively, need a skilled nurse, an in-home caregivers and probably a cleaning service.
Show your siblings how much a nursing home would cost ($8,000/mo where I live) vs. intermitent in-home care. Also, the nurse or caregiver who comes to his home is focused on his care only...not a hundred other patients. It seems like a win-win to me. Or you can tell them that you talked with his doctor and he suggested moving in with one of his children....then ask which of them wants to volunteer....you should get their attention then!
Medicare will provide some in-home medical devices. The best information I have received is from businesses that provide these products...they can tell you what your father is eligible for and ours filled out the paperwork.
How kind you are for sticking to your guns in the face of unreasonable siblings...you have your father's best interests at heart.
Btw, who has his medical Power of Attorney? If you really think that your father is being neglected, you could report his case to the local social services office. I caution you that this is extreme, and sometimes the authorities overreact and cause more problems...but you need to weigh out what is best for your dad...
good luck....keep us posted.
Lilli

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