I'm going to try to sort of bullet-point this to keep it as objective as possible.
-Mom lived in an apartment with some aid until two years ago when she fell for the fifth time.
-When she was recovering in a rehab facility (which most here will probably know also means nursing home.), the decision had to be made about whether or not she could remain independent. The senior adult apartments where she was urged me to consider other arrangements for her. She had become extremely depressed, angry, emotionally very unstable.
-My mother's income is below the poverty level.
-Because of the laws in her state, FL, she qualified to remain in the facility where she was sent to recover from hospitalization.
There are three siblings:
-Oldest brother, 65, chronic alcoholic, and drug addiction. A very sweet and decent person, my hero growing up, but virtually homeless and likely to die soon. He lives 115 miles from mom, calls about five or six times a year. Hasn't visited her in over five years.
-Middle sister, 59, recovering alcoholic, serial dater, just secured the only apartment she's ever had on her own. Has had the same job now for a couple of years, and it actually seems promising, but has moved six times in the past two years. She's trying, I know she is, and I'm actually sort of optimistic, but optimistic that she'll survive. Not much more than that. She lives 95 miles from my mother, visits her about once every three or four months, calls about once every three to six weeks.
-Me. Youngest brother, 48, I always considered myself to be the irresponsible one. I'm an actor. (Yeah, I know. Can't be helped.) Mildly successful. Which means I still don't make much money, but it looks like I'm going to now. I have a steady but low income which is increasing, my wife, 38, works and makes a good salary. We don't know if we are supposed to have kids, but we're not using birth control anymore. We want to leave that up to God. I have a son form my first marriage in Florida which I have every two weeks for several days, so I travel to FL from Th to Mon to spend time with him, and have for ten years. During that time, I also see my mom. (We used to stay with her when she had her apt, but now we go for icecream, sometimes fishing, little short trips out, and dinner. The woman loves BBQ and IHOP.) Every two weeks.. Early on Friday and late on Sunday. My son is graduating from high school in two weeks, and heading to college. He'll be in the same town, but I won't need to be there every two weeks. We talk constantly on the phone, including video chat.
Final bullet point, and the reason for the following question:
-My mom is safe, extremely well taken care of in the nicest facility in Orlando (minus the uber-expensive luxury one, which no one could afford. It's like a country club.) but it's boring. Like, they have activities and it's kind of pretty, but after day in and day out of the same thing, it's really not a fun place, I don't think. She uses the term "It's so BLANK, here. Like, there's just nothing anywhere but nothing." I remember when I was stationed on a base with no car, once. I can sort of see it. So- Care; excellent. She's never been healthier. Excitement: zero.
So here's the question:
Should I move my mother into our house with my wife and I? My wife works 50+ hours a week and so do I, but we think she would qualify for some programs with the state of CA. In-home care through MediCare MediCal, etc., and of course we would pitch in. She could live in a little side room which is actually pretty private, but would give us access to each other. We have a cat which she'd love, and a little common area which several families here share, which is fenced. She could sit outside and get some sun every day if she wanted.
I am positively terrified at the prospect.
But I am simultaneously convinced that it might be the right thing to do.
And if God wants you to do something, he works it out, you know?
Ok, the last bit.
My sister wants to move her closer to her. This assumes she can find a facility mom can afford which will take her, that way mom can move nearer to her. She also wants power of attorney. She hasn't said anything to this effect, but I have to consider that my sister may be believing that if she can work out a way for my mom to move in with her, she'll sort of benefit financially. Maybe afford a little better place. Which actually may be true, and may even be a legitimate thing. I mean, if my sister IS stable and WOULD benefit from having mom there, and mom would be around family every day, why not? I do have some concerns that the realities of caring for mom every day would close in on her. She has anger issues. (Like, sometimes she screams at mom. But honestly, my mom does seem to like to pick on her for some reason. But yeah, my sister loses it.) But again, I think she's improving. I have commited to both my sister and my brother that if she come here, I'll fly them out here whenever they want to come.