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here. She is buying a house (escrow is 4-19) We were all going to live together. Now, I am panicking and want out. Finding out mom is going to be #1, by his words. I forsee disaster. Am I right ? Thanks, Rose

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Sorry....I evidently missed something...but that is not unusual for me...so glad it worked out for you and the one you love...I sincerely hope it all works out for you. Good job!!!
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If there is one thing I have learened over the years and that is to trust my gut. You know deep down wnat you need to do...best you found out now rather than later...it would have been too late. At least now you have a a way out. I agree with everyone that has posted...run and take care of yourself. You still have the chance to meet someone that WILL put you first and not Mom... you are a lucky girl to find out now! Best to you...and don't feel guilty! Just say NEXT!
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Rose,

Awesome and wonderful news. That took a lot of guts to do what you did plus a lot of love for him which led you to do such a take no prisoners approach by getting him to read the input from such a diverse group all saying the same thing out of our concern for you and in response to a very important question deep in your heart and on top of your mind. I'm also very happy to hear his response. This confrontation sure was a wake up call for him that I hope he sticks with over time. He must have become more aware of how important yalls' relationship is and how much love is there. Now, finnally, you two are on the same page and starting to work together as a team. I would recommend getting some good pre-marital counseling or at least some newlywed counseling for some fine tuning sometime during that first year. My wife and I took advantage of doing this which I think helped us. Best to you and yours in the future!
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Now THAT was a close one!

You caregivers rock.

Hey Roses! congratulations to you both and I hope you have a great wedding and lots of fun!

lovbob
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Rose, I am so happy for you. I will pray that God continues to give you wisdom, and blesses your upcoming marriage. Tell your man he is one of the heroes. Best wishes to both of you, and to his mother.
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Rose, this is great news. All the best!
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You all are wonderful people with great advise. Rose was very lucky to find this site, and to receive such eye opening advise.

Good luck Ms. Rose.
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Rose, aren't you glad you asked the question? You were very smart. I'm so glad you and your man had a heart to heart talk about your life together. Marriage is never easy but you are laying a good foundation with honesty and communication. I'm really proud for you!
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Glad you both had the heart-to-heart talk, Roses619. That helps to build trust in your relationship with each other. Your issue is in no way petty. You didn't know what you were getting yourself into and your flight instinct took over. I also hope that your fiance is at peace with his decision and did not make his decision in haste so that he has no regrets as time passes. I applaud him for his loving commitment to his Mom's welfare. He and his Mom are blessed to have each other. His keeping an open mind about how to support his Mom is admirable.
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Rose, I experienced a similar situation right after I married my husband. His mother was capable of creating a life for herself with some support from us, but wanted to live with us and direct our lives for us. The situation had a very negative impact on our marriage until his mother became angry with our lack of total attention toward her. She then moved in with his sister who had five children and needed help. However, my mother-in-law still caused problems there and was never satisfied. I pray that your heart help you make the right decision for you.
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Thank God you had a reasonable man in the end... You had us all worried I know. Good luck in the future. phew!!
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Secret Sister, Crowmagnum, Always my duty, Anne, Tennesee, and Naheaton...I want to express my appreciation to you all.
My mom died quite a few years ago. My brother and I cared for her for 5 years. She had dementia. My prayers go to all of you caring for your loved ones. Taking the time from your busy lives to read and comment on my pettier issue, fills me with a sense of awe for your compassion.
I had my fiance read all your responses. We had one of the most serious, heart rending, conversations afterward. We discussed all our options, he didn't want to lose me.
He talked to his mom. He is going to set her up in an apartment about5 miles from his house. When we get our house after we are married,(we're not living together). We'll make sure she is within 10 miles. And when the time comes she has agreed to assisted living. Sooooo....I don't know any of you....but in my heart I do. You are all Angels. Thanks for helping me keep my man !!!
He is thankful for all the info. on this site.
God Bless you all. Rose
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Recipe for disaster,I think you already know what you should do.
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Rose, you're engaged, not married. Phew! Lucky for you----you can still get out in time. I have found that marriage is hard work, even in the best of circumstances. Trust your instincts.
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Rose, Always posted before mine, but she has good advice, too. None of us know you, but we all want to see you on the winning side. Lots of wisdom in the replies above, praying you heed it!
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Rose, I pray you seek God for wisdom. naheaton and crowemagnum are correct. Your own instincts are screaming for you to make the right decision. Never hope for this boy to grow into a responsible man and loving husband if he's not exhibiting those characteristics already. Wishful thinking does not make for a good marriage. Choose wisely, and don't be another statistic. There's enough bad ones already. We are rooting for you, because it hurts to see people go down the wrong path.
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Rose, your man laid it on the line, now it's time to leave. It's fine to be concerned and care about his mama BUT he should've said .. . you're still my #1 and I'd appreciate it so very much if you'd help me with my mom or can we be a team and help mom, etc. Do not start a marriage with mom in the middle. There's no way it'll last, it's doomed from the start.
My mom never lived with my husband and me but I had to stay at her house much of the week. The strain, stress and sadness nearly killed me. She's a "mommie dearest" and I'd come home crying a river offer her insults. I asked my hubby, if mom ran out of money, could she live with us and he said over his dead body. He loved me too much and he didn't want her upsetting our happy home. He was willing to help her financially, but not move her in. I'm #1 in his book and he's #1 with me.
If you can't be first, then wait on the marriage. I'm not saying it can't eventually work for you two. But you have to be first from the onset.
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Don't wait, he's already told you what his plans are. So, run for the hiils. Then do some serious reflection on your own or with someone's help to see why you selected him and someone like him selected you if you are to have the highest probablility of avoiding making this type of decisions again. Run, Rose, Run for the only thing I've ever heard or read whose than this is the young wife who told me that his parents went with them on their honeymoon! sick, sick, sick, Be thankful that he is honest with you, but still run and find a man that is ready to get married not some mommy's boy who is still her mamma's little man and probably is hoping you will be like a substitute mommy in ya'lls relationship given his mom is declining! He does not want a wife. Instead, I belief he wants a mom so he can remain a boy forever. What a Peter Pan life in Never land! wew! I must call it a night for if I read one more story like this I'll be too emotionally strung out to wind down. Again, run for the hills!
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First of all, if you're living with him already, move out and get on your own. Next thing, when she moves in with him, wait a year and see how it all shakes out with that arrangement. You two still might get married in a year, but don't be living there in the midst of what is sure to be drama. Let him figure out what is more important first, mommy or wife. If it's still mommy in a year, then run for the hills and consider yourself to have dodged a huge bullet. Good luck.
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Rose, trust your instincts, pray. It really does sound bad. Somethings not quite right with this picture...and who wants a difficult life? Tread carefully, and guard your heart.
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