My sister came to stay my home for three weeks to visit mom. I'm having a stress overload. Should I feel guilty in asking her to leave?

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her. I am having a stress overload. She brought her daughter and daughter's boyfriend anyway. The daughter and boyfriend stayed at a friends house. In the mean time my neice came down with a a very bad cold. I told my sister please stay away from her daughter, she could get sick too. She said"I never get sick". I told her I felt uncomfortable about the situation. Mom has a weakend immune system,(cancer) and I; very little strength. I can not handle a cold. Needless to say I asked her to leave when she chose to spend the day with her daughter(mainly in a car with the windows up). I told her even if she does not have symptoms she could still be a carrier. She would have to leave for about 10 days. Of course she thinks I have no basis to ask her to leave. I am standing my ground. I just can not take a chance. I will be me left being ill or taking care of mom if a we become infected. She will be on a plane back to her home town. When I asked her why did she take a chance getting us ill; her reply was "Shes my daughter, I wanted to spend time with her. This was a visit to help me get some rest. She turned it into a family vacation. She comes only once a year. I take care of mom 365 days a year. Should I feel guilty in asking her to leave? Was ten days to long to ask her to stay away in fear of her be infectious?

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no i dont think you shoul feel guilty at all
you should stand your ground
and should be comended if you can
these relatives need to get a grip on reality and spend a month or at least a week doing what we do
they will then feel the same way when they have to pick up after someone their size with equal demands or more and just maybe then they will understand
then the nerve to bring in others
that tops the cake
dont let the family bully you into or out of what you know you need to do for your loved one of you can help it
it isnt easy as it is
STAND YOUR GROUND
truecolors
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Dear Coach, sorry to hear about your dilemma. I totally agree, your sister is very self-centered and has no empathy. Please just look after yourself, so you can still care for you Mum.

God Bless, Gossip3
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I would not feel guilty to ask her to leave if I were you. My oldest sister stayed at Christmas, first it was just for a few days. Then ended up for 2 weeks. I have always loved and respected my older siblings but this lady was pushing it. In fact she ended up starting a fight between myself and my mother. The next time she comes to stay ( she never comes to help, she did some dishes twice.) and starts any problems with me or my mom, I will not show her any respect or love. She also was ill with a cold and that could only make my job harder. So if she is sick or if she isn't going to help out or she thinks she can start any problems and not be held accountable. She will not be asked to leave she will be told. I don't want to be nasty but she isn't showing any of us any respect or love. So stand your ground and be heard, because some people just don't get it. So take care of yourself so you can take care of your mom.
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Hope something helps, it is a painful situation, "accommodation or death" is not really fair here....
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Heck it's your HOUSE isn't it in the end? Geezus I understand that you want neither yourself or your mom getting sick. At her age it is not a good thing and for a caregiver neither a good thing...geezus did she not GET IT?
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I thank all of you for all your support. You do not know how much each and everyone of your words helped feel much better. I pray God watches over you and all your loved ones.
Once again, thank you...thank you...thank you.
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I agree with all the comments. Siblings who live away seem to have no clue whatsoever about the trials we caregivers go through under normal circumstances, let alone when sickness occurs on top of it. As you stated, she'll be on a plane going back home while you are handling a cold of your own, and possibly your Mom, which could turn to pneumonia easily!
One possibility to allow your sis to spend some short visits w/ your Mom while she's in town, as long as she is not showing any cold symptoms herself, would be to have her where a face mask, and use bacterial hand wash when she enters the home, and as she is visiting. That way she might be allowed to still have a visit w/ Mom. If she's unwilling to do that, then too bad for her. You are calling the shots. And I agree w/ Oldlady, ask if she could come and stay a week w/ your Mom so you can go on vaction. I have two siblings in other states, and they NEVER do that for me. I've asked, but they say their work schedules, etc. keep them from doing that. But they can take time off to go to Hawaii and Europe, etc. They see Mom briefly once a year, and always w/ me continuing as the caregiver. They are the visitors, more like on vacation when they come!! Frustrating!!
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You have no reason to feel guilty. If anyone should it should be your sister. Obviously she is a self centered individual who has no concept of the problems she could be exposing you, but more importantly your mother to. To protect you mother, you have every reason in the world to ask her to leave. Good Luck and May God Bless.
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Dear Marcella, Unfortunately your sister is not following your request. I wouldn't feel guilty by asking her to leave. Your Sister is very insentitive to your Mothers' poor health, and the fact that your neice has a bad cold, if I was in your position, I would ask my sister and family to leave. Your Sister obviously doesn't share the same concerns regarding your Mothers well-being. "SO POLITLITELY SAY TO YOUR SISTER, IT IS NOT WORKING OUT, SO IT WOULD BE BEST IF SHE LEFT." You don't need anymore hassles at the moment. Fondest regards, Gossip3
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Does your sister ever take care of your mother? Maybe you can make a deal with her that you go off on vacation and she can stay at your place and take care of your mother. I can't believe how thoughtless people can be.
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