Do all mothers or in-laws feel the need to criticize everything a caregiver does?
My husband and I recently moved in with my mother. We were living an hour away form her and when my father died 4 years ago I changed my work schedule so that I could go see her on a Wednesday afternoon, take her out and pay her bills. February 07 she was found on the floor of her house by her cleaning lady. I had not been down to see her that week because I had been sick with the flu. I had spoken to her on Thursday and went back to work on Monday which was when the cleaning lady got hold of my son to say mom was being taken to the hospital. At that time they thought she had had a stoke, she was severly dehydrated and was talking very crazy. She seemed to have little movement on one side which was why they thought she had had a stroke. She had ended up with a broken right hip and they inserted a rod. 6 years ago she had fallen while my father was still alive and broke her left hip and has 2 plates in that hip. 3 years ago she had fallen in her bathrooma nd cracked her head open and didn't tell anyone until Friday when she told me she needed a clenaing lady not mentioning that the bathroom floor was bloody and that she was coated in blood. this happend on a week where I had a dr. appointment and hadn't gone to see her on Wednesday as usual. the blood on the floor was there so long there where bugs flying around. When she was found this time she had the phone in her hand but never called anyone. she went to rehab for 12 weeks. When they sent the physcolgist in to see her she told him to get out he didn't have an appointment and when they first wanted to take her to PT hse held the door frame as she wasn't in the mood to go. I believe for 10 weeks she really didn't know how bad she was. My sister and brother both live out of state. My mtoher has 1 brother who she is not speaking to a a niece that she talks to all the time. My husband and I rented our house to move in with her. i changed jobs so I was closer to her house and my husband leaves the house and drives 1 hour each way and doesn't return home until 6pm every evening. My mother is a very hard person, she has very little interaction with people. she sees the same people when she goes out to eat. She now has her cleaning lady coming 3 afternoons a week to be with her and hse finds fault with everything the woman does. My mother is under the impression that she has the answer to everything ansd the rest of us haven't a clue. She has trouble showing emotion and has never told any of us that she loves us even when we were gowing up. she likes her wine int he afternoon and a manahattan before she goes to sleep, all of which I water down. she also will drink a blackberry brandy when her stomach is acting up. I try to water that down also but can't always do it. when she has the brandy she tends to get very angry over something she usuall invents and it ends up with her fighting with me. I try very ahrd not to engage her in any altercations but it is so hard and sometimes the words are out of my mouth before even I know it. Last week was a bad one where she took an innocent conversation with my daughter and turned it around that my huband and I were bad parents and only cared about ourselves. the only time we get away is when my sister comes for the weekend. We used to stay home hwen she came but now we make it a point to go away. We do go out every Friday and Saturday night which seems to make her angry. Mind you we never go out without making sure she has something to eat. And there are times when she won't eat. And I explain to her not eating doesn't hurt me it hurts her. She is very controlling and what she doesn't know about someone she will fabricate. Friends are nto there becasue she finds fault with everyone and no one wants to be around her for long periods of time. i try to keep my self busy doing my quilting or sewing, but I have to do this on her dining room table and this aggravates her to no end. We went from a 3 bedroom house to 2 rooms. There is very little space around the bed to walk.
thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully this will help me with my frustration. I know I am doing the best for her, but she sure makes it difficult. i have told my brother and sister that i will not go to divorce court over her and if my husband acn't take it any more we will have to leave and another plan will have to go into place. Mom always said she was not leaving her house hse would die in it. We are trying to make this possible for her but she seems so unappreciative of our effort