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This neighbor is 75, very poor eyesight and the house is a mess = a mobil home loaded with bugs, spiders and dirt. She has lied to me every day about cleaning and vacuuming. She is away right now with her daughter because of the storm Sandy, and I have to go in and feed a cat. The house is so bad, I don't even want to walk in there. She has a son about 25 minutres away who will come and do quick outside things for her but I don't think the son or daughter basically give her the time of day. They are healthy grown adults. I am tempted to call social services but am considering more on calling the son nearby and just telling him the whatfor. There has got to be some assistance there. She can only walk slowly, smokes 2 packs a day, is bored beyond, terrible leg problems, lies to me constantly, tries to design her lifestyle so others in the hood have to do her transportation to everywhere, and I hate having her in my car. But, I am concerned for her. I take her to food pantry and a church for free food. She is on social security, her husb. died 11 years ago and left her with big debt. I suspect she is Imperious to her children just so she can live alone. I have gone in there at Christmas and 4 adults - 1 child grown in 50's and her liv-in and one grandaughter and her live-in, staying there a few days, and it was like facing a bunch of cows. They never said a word but they were showered and dressed, and my friend was still in pj's and had cooked breakfast for them and was washing the dishes. I checked out the bathtubs this morning and they have NOT been used for heaven only knows how long. Should I chance calling her son and telling him the truth?? I am only a neighbor with a car and aquaintance of the lady.

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Well - the handwriting is now on the wall. I called her son this morning and what did he do ???? He called her staying at her daughter's in Roanoke. And told her her house was full of spiders.
I am very angry. I am so angry right now it is hard to write. She called me &said they were only daddy long legs and she only has one or two. The house is what I consider unliveable. Her children are dumb stupid dontwannado nothin ! I am tempted to call adult protective services. I took a paper towel this morning off her roll, hung up under the counter and about 50 roaches tumbled out. I am actually scared to be in the house. The really awful part of this for me is that This friend has nurtured two Korean War Veterans, had taken one in for 8 or so years and he died there and his family that wouldn't even claim his body never helped or even communicated. And the most recent one she helped constantly just died a few weeks ago. His daughter lives in Missouri and told the hospital here when he was dying, to call her if anything happened - and of course, this is after they came a few months earlier and took all his money. I am just stunned over this stuff. I can't believe people can even be like this. Soo I have a decision to make today - clean it up myself - which is obviously what the children want me to do, or call adult protective services. What a mess that would be. This neighbor has been an angel to many people in her life and calling any autorities on her just seems too harsh for me. Unfair toher. s
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If her children don't know what is going on, it is because they don't want to know, or they feel helpless to change anything.

I would be inclined to call Adult Protective Services. Let them check and determine if these dreadful conditions pose a risk to this woman, and if it is the kind of risk she is entitled to choose or if she should be protected from it as a vulnerable adult.

Bless you for being a good neighbor and caring.
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I am considering calling her son while she is away for the week. Probably will get me in lots of trouble. I should take my vacuum cleaner over there and at least clear the spiders from the cielings and walls - they are extensive - 100's of them so I fear going in the house. But my vacuum is NEW and her little dog pees all over the house - ammonia smell is unreal. There is poop in the back bedroom, etc. I need to check the other bathtub in the morning in case she is not using that one either. What to do what to do. ?Thanks foryour insight. I am stewing and brewing on what to do - yes she has had "stomache Flu" so many times it is pitiful. AND the medicaid doc is giving her inhalers ! Sorry - am just so shocked today. I have been in her living room many time to help unload pantry foods. But not the rest of the house. I'll check and see if she has a vacuum like she says she does and see if it is even working. s
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I have a feeling the things that turn you off may also make the children stay away. Who would want to be around it? Sometimes people are very set in their dysfunctional way. The children can try to change it, but give up. I don't know if it applies to this situation, but it may. Watching the TV series on hoarding can give some insight into the behavior of families. The mother may not be a hoarder, but filth can be as off-putting as hoarding. I suspect the mother is lazy, and smoking a lot of cigarettes doesn't help at all. People need oxygen to do things, and smoke steals the oxygen from their lungs and blood.

From what you describe, I suspect the children grew up in this atmosphere. I don't know what they are like, but I am reluctant to blame them. Some feel the only way to handle dysfunctional family relations is to stay away from them. I get the feeling it may be what you are looking at.

You can talk to the children to see what is happening. It may help to get a little background. If you think the woman is in danger because of the filth, you can contact the county or Adult Protective Services to come by and check on her. Even if the gov people are able to get her to clean the place up, chances are high it will quickly return to the present condition. It is a very common pattern for people who lives like this.
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