My mom is in a nursing home and my dad lives at home; however, my friends can’t help out because my dad acts out sexually and I have no family. What do I do?

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disabled only child with both parents with dementia no relatives. Mother in NH. Dad still at home. Friends can't help because
dad acts out sexually. I do what I can and then come home and die for 3 or 4 day til next appt. Many phone calls with suggestions,demands from case managers,drs, nurses,neighbors, nursing home mtgs. etc.
I've started drinking, can't deal with all of it. Mom 87
I'm disabled and an only child taking care of both my parents with dementia. Mom is in a nursing home and dad is still at home. My friends can't help because my dad acts out sexually. I've started drinking because I can't deal with all of it. What can I do?

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
Top Answer
My heart goes out to you............ Please remember that you need and deserve time and care, too! Have you thought of seeing a therapist for yourself, or attending a caregivers group, to get the support that you need? Good luck!
That is a very tough situation to be in, do not try to take it all on your self you will make yourself sick, get as much social service help as is available tell them that you are not up to it and see that he gets the care he needs from those out there to give it. Don't beat yourself up over this it is an extremely hard thing to do for any one.
This is just too much stress for one person to handle alone. Is it possible for your father to be in the nursing home with your mom? Your own healthcare providers would want you to protect yourself emotionally and mentally. How about a caregivers' support group or a counseling session with a social worker. Alzheimer's Association has a caregiver hotline at 1-800-548-1211. Please step away from the alcohol. Life will still offer you many good things, once this time of your parents' illness and decline is over. Please hang in there, for yourself.
Thank you for your good suggestions. I am in therapy and that is helpful. Dad is on every social program he qualifies for. I've gotten rid of the alcohol but still misusing my rx pills. After yesterday the caregiver can't try to shower dad anymore. I wish I could get hold of the case manager to see what the next step will be. She is in a meeting all day.My dream was for him to go to same nursing home as Mom. They could share a room.
But they don't put up with men who act out sexually. They send them to another NH and put them all together. I imagine they get horrible care. dad won't go because he has a young Siamese cat he loves. The NH would take her too except that dad didn't train her at all. She bites and scratches; walks through and eats his food. He got her as a kitten and I tried to get him to train her to use the toilet. She would have learned easy but he wouldn't follow through so she uses a box.She is bored with an old man that sleeps most of time but she is very protective of him. I don't know what to do with her is he goes into NH. I promised I would take her when she was a cute kitty. She would destroy my house in a couple of hours. I love her but don't want her. Any ideas? I think Dad loves her more that Mom now. Who do I tell that I just can't be in charge of them anymore?
It sounds a little simplistic, but I have had great luck placing animals, through little ads in the paper that tell a little bit of their story. For example: "Elderly owner can't care for her anymore and wants a good home for this cute kitty-cat." I wonder if your counselor can answer your question about your not wanting to be the sole person responsible for your parents anymore. That's too hard, especially with the difficulties your dad is posing. Would the director of your mom's nursing home have some answers along that line, about getting some help with this for you? I wish there was some calming medicine that would address the way your dad's acting out. Wow, that's tough. I have heard of families going through the country coroner's office to have their relatives "committed" and placed in a hospital unit for observation; then, the medical staff there guides the family on the next steps to take. Sorry this is so tough right now. Take good care of yourself, for yourself.
Can you address your father's doctor about his behaivior? They have medications for repressing sexuality. A sedative might work also.
I'm sure you could find the cat a proper home.
Went to Dr. Today. He was willing to order antibiotics for sore on neck but hands off with the sexually aggressive stuff. Dad still saying we all have dirty minds. I had to cancel my badly needed therepy appt today but couldn't see dr. til dec. otherwise. Now we have appt with his psychologist Thurs a.m.(have to cancel my first art class, something for me)but no other appt ever as she is going on leave so I guess we'll take it. Next week I'm going to force him to visit Mom. she says she wants kisses. He wants to kiss everybody in sight. What a combo! Don't even get me started on the replacements sent in for the best caregiver in world, feel like I"m the employer of teenage boys. It might get better though. I may change agencies later on. Nurse this a.m. and Dr. this p.m. both strongly encouraged NH but no response from Dad but mad............
Oh that is much too much I do not envy you this situation, i only hope it can be alleviated someway. make sure you get back on schedule for yourself and you needs too...
Wow my heart goes out to you! Your father should be in a home and the home should try to assist with the sexual issues. Medications are out there. He also needs some form of behavioural modification. It is so hard when the services you really need do not exist or only exist if you have the money to pay for them.

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