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My mom is 86 with mid stage alzheimer's. Up until now, I have trusted her to be alone in a room for a few minutes with my 2 year old grand daughter. This morning, I went into her bedroom and my grand daughter had an open jar of vics rub and had it all over her hands. I told her that she shouldn't have given it to her and she said that "she just took it". Do Alzheimer patients have periods of common sense or do they just lose it? Obviously, I won't be leaving the two alone any more!

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For my mother, common sense came and went daily. It was so frustrating because you can start thinking they're ok for a while and then they do something crazy. I'm sure there's a lot of common ground but I would guess that everyone is different and progresses at different time intervals. There are no standard answers... that's for sure.

On the bright side at least it was Vics and not something like paint!! :o)
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Ditto to the comment above. My mother can be lucid one moment, paranoid the next, depressed the next, and completely content and happy the next...well, you get my drift. All of these emotions can be seen sometimes in just a 3 hour period. Sometimes she can be like she used to be--a kind, compassionate caring person, other times like an impatient and irrational 3 year old, and then a stubborn and sullen teenager who is ready to argue and try to reason her behavior at a moment's notice. Sometimes she is scared and needy. All of the above can happen within an hour period. She will praise me one moment, and when I leave the room, will speak to my daughters words to the contrary. But--she's my mom--what to do? When I have time today or tomorrow I plan to post a beautiful poem on my site. Two days ago my mother broke her back from a fall she had at her AL. I was angry because the nurse at the AL did not report the fall to me (the caregiver finally told me 3 hours later), the doctor or to the staff on her shift or on the shifts to follow. My mother was undergoing unbearable pain for some time before we heard what happened from a care giver. Anyway, as I was "going through it" I discovered a beautiful poem on the wall of the Alzheimer unit and will share its encouraging words.......when I have the time. Right now I am taking steps to assure that the above does not happen to others in the AL to follow, and am taking steps to move my mother to a Rehab facility. May we all hang in there and continue to encourage one another! Psalm 34, Hopeful2011
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I am watching my MIL on a daily basis as a full time caregiver. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life as I see the changes. One day she may seem like she is ok, then BAM..there is no way she can even think correct on her own and must be prompted to do anything correctly. So yes, be careful with leaving her alone with children because even though she does not mean harm, a child can talk her into doing anything because her mind may be as a childs at any given time. It is the worst disease to be around as you will see it progress. Wishing you well, it will be a tough ride honey. Hang in there and just know to love her when you can because it can go fast, it can go slow..so love her when you can..even though sometimes you may feel like yelling at her, it won't help. Just pray for you to stay strong as she progresses because I am down mentally and physically from being around it so much even though my husband takes over most care when he gets home from work. I guess I have given you more information that what you wanted...I think I just needed to vent too...SMILES...Hang in there....Love to you....And this sight is great...because NO ONE understands unless you have gone thru it like all of us on this sight....Best of luck with mom. God Bless.
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Lily, I am so grateful the baby is ok. And as everyone has said, it can be a roller coaster ride, not knowing what to expect from moment to moment... As was stated,she meant no harm, but common sense comes and goes. If she is in mid stage Alz, I doubt there will many common sense moments. It is the most horrible disease that I know of. I hate Alz. with a passion. No two are the same, some meds work some don't. Just try to hang in there and post and vent and get angry and shout at us, that's what we are here for . We KNOW how you feel and what you are going thru...
hopeful, I am so sorry to hear about your mom and twice as sorry to hear no one contacted you.... guess that is why so many are giving up their lives, jobs, ect. to take care of elders at home... who can you trust when they are out of our sight????
Please keep us updated on how things are.. will be looking for your poem..
noname, please vent, say how you feel, tell us what is going on and we'll be here for you. This is a hard job under the best of circumstances and we all understand... many here will support you without shame or guilt... we get tired, we get crazy, and we need a place to put it so we can be effective in our day to day lives...
Hugs across the miles to all of you, post often..
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My mom also has mid stage Alzheimers...after 2 years of caretaking,I had to put her in a nursing facility as she has other medical problems, too. I feel everyone's pain here. As someone stated, it is the most horrible disease. I hate it. Sometimes my mom seems normal, but 2 minutes later, she is making up stories that don't make sense. We go along with them, and keep her happy and contented. She also displays bouts of anger, frustration...then suddenly will tell you she knows her mind isn't working right. My father who is 86 is having a hard time accepting the whole situation.
I don't write much on this site, but I get plenty of comfort from reading everyone's posts. It truly helps.
Everybody hang in there....I always tell everyone...at least I still have my mom and dad...many people lose them at an early age!
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Speaking of "Common Sense", I was going to ask the same thing, only I was going to say "Does anyone know why common sense is not a requirement for Assisted Living care givers?" The things I have seen at my mom's AL go way beyond what anyone would believe. How can we make a difference in how our elder's are treated? I think we should pull together and see what we can do as a group to change the current requirements of caregiver's. It's unbelievable!!! Just like hopeful2011 stated, A man where my mom lives, fell and cried dout for help. he care giver did not respond because "this man always yelled for help". Turns out, his leg was broke and they moved him and didn't notify anyone for 3 hours. He ended up having surgery and returned to the AL. They care plan was not changed to reflect his current needs and he ended up dying 8 days later. This caregiver still works at this place. The incident is being investigated, but who will tell "his story". He was alone without family!! He has no voice!
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Please post the poem. I need all the help I can get.
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I'm with anyone who wants to pull together to help the elderly..not only in any facility, but also to get the in home care they so deserve and their caregivers deserve!! President Obama needs to make changes to help!!! We can do something...Is anyone able to start a letter to the Government or State or Whitehouse? I will be behind you 100 percent. Our elderly need to be cared for and in home caregivers need help wether the parent has money or no money!! They are treated like dirt and so are the caregivers!!!! Let's take a stand...I am with you.. Keep me posted as to what to do. Unfortunately I can not be the leader...I must go...The bell tolls....SMILES...
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pt34, my heart is with you. Please come back and post more if you need to. The stress of working with Alz. , well, we just can't put it into words, can we... there are many here who understand and share your feelings, so please let us know how we can help... hugs to you.
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Alzheimers patients lose brain cells, so I am told. It has something to do with a substance similar to placque. Google Alzheimers and many answers will come up with a better description than I can give.
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ladeeda, thank you so much...I have shed many tears. I took care of my parents even tho they were still in their own home for 2 years. It was too much for me once my mom got sick...my dad has had 2 strokes and a heart attack.
I hate Alzheimers...these people were once very productive citizens, and that's how WE still see them...but this illness takes hold of their brain.
What wonderful people on this website...as I read everyone's issues, I can relate to so many things. It does help to share our problems and lean on each other. I have the utmost respect for all of you who take care of parents, spouses in your own home.
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It is important to make complaints to your state's board of health they will try to white wash it but when a complaint is made when the facility at least with nursing homes and hospital's-are due to be inspected which with hospitals in my state is every 3 yrs. unless they do not do well then it is the next years-the problems that were reported are looked into when they come up for review-you will never learn how it was handled and will get a letter back saying thay could not give you any information but you can rest assured the problems are addressed and if similiar complaints are made someone will take them seriously so as they say if you see something say something-many little raindrops made a pond.
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Problem with telling the State...they give the facities notice as to when they will be coming and believe me, the facility will be fully staffed with the best and the facility will be cleaned and on its toes on the day the State has said they are coming. I use to work in a facility that would actually have a worker stand at the door and alert everyone when the State folks arrived..then everyone was on their best behavoir and all patients were very much cared for more so than on any average day. when I complained and told the story....It was brushed under the rug as if I were the bad guy. I could not just stand by and see this happen...but my one rain drop did not turn into a river. I cared for them so well that I would get into trouble for spending too much time with one resident...They just wanted us to make sure they were breathing basically. It was a hard thing to watch and unable to change. To this day I think on the time I worked there and just how much I wanted to see changes so that our elderly would be better taken care of..but it takes a village....
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Another thing that happens in a NH is a code is called over the intercom that state is there. Only staff know the code.And I agree with noname about the preparation that goes on before hand... I walked off the floor in the middle of a shift because an LVN was screaming at a patient that needed a drink of water. I turned them in, not a lot was done... so sad.. no one got in trouble, but I am proud to say, I could not work for a place like that....
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I typed my encouraging and inspiring poem today, but cannot find it on this site, so thought I would try to type it again to bless all of you. It is a gift of encouragement to all of us. I'm about to send it to our relatives and friends, and plan to find a frame and put it on the wall at home.

Do not ask me to remember. Don't try to make me understand. Let me rest and know you are with me. Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond all concept, I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you--To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me. Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can't help the way I'm acting. Can't be diffeerent 'though I try.

Just remember that I need you. That the best of me is gone.
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me...til' my life is done.

This might've been posted somewhere else, but it can bear repeating. Sorry about my lack of tech skills...I wanted to be sure to follow through and submit this.
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Thank you for the above. I told the Social Worker at the hospital what happened and she said she was obligated to report the negligence to the state. I was also encouraged to notify the AL's Ethic's committee which was a big help. They seemed genuinely concerned, and asked for my input and suggestions. Who knows what will happen, but atleast we did the right thing to report the negligence of the Med. Tech. Hopefully it was a wake up call. Someone asked me if I was upset at the AL as a whole. My reply: No, but it only takes one serious error like my situation to have distrust in the caregiving and to have concern that our loved ones are in unsafe conditions. One person who is negligent on just ONE shift can make a BIG difference in the whole picture. Hopefully this is a wake up call for this facility and they will resolve the problem in the correct way. None of us wants to blow the whistle or be the sore thumb, but sometimes it is the right thing to do, and as Dr. Laura says: "Now let us go and do the right thing". Thank you for the comments and encouragement.
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i too care for my husband who I have been told is in the late stages of Alzhemiers.
He does not know who I am but smiles at me and tells me I am a good woman.
He talks to the "Man" in the mirror everyday...even tries to give him something to eat. He has been on all the meds the patch the drink and all the pills. Nothing worked so the Dr said no need for it. He spits pills out if you try to give him one anyway.
He is wetting himself more now, and says I dont know about that I didnt do it!!
I cry a lot but not in front of him. His sons will not help me at all with him and will not even come see him, they "Cant stand to see Dad like that". One day they wont have to, but I dont make them. He is the love of my life we have been together 45 years and he has the sweetest smile. I dont mind cleaning him when he needs it.
Today we went on a picnic and he laughed and had a good time. He is losing weight really fast and sleeps a lot more now. I am taking care of him at home. Please pray for us and I will for you all. The poem is priceless. I think I will send out a few copies to some so called " family and friends." No I am not bitter or mad just tired and heart sick.
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54j, I am so sorry to hear about your husband, but how blessed he is to have you at his side. I can only imagine the heart ache you feel after 45 years of marriage.. As hard as it is, you are his angel on earth. God bless you and prayers sent your way to lighten your load... you are an awesome woman.. hugs to you.
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HI-first time! My husband is 80 and I am 60. I am his full time caregiver. his disease of ALZ, is not rated by his doctor yet. Maybe late dementia or early ALZ. Who really knows without specific medical testing, which are not available!
My question.is do you 'play along ' with the obvious delusions. Delunions that are not harmful..such as where he drove' this morning and the meetings he went to.
I am his full time driver..and I will not let him drive..which is tough on him.
Do caregivers just take it in and try to change the subject? thanks, Michelle
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Denise, that is exactly what I do...I just go along with what my mom is saying and try to change the subject. I read a wonderful book that would really help you. It's called the 36 Hour Day by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins...it gave me lots of tools to work with.
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Hi Denise and welcome to this sight. Hope you find a home here and make new friends that are doing what you are doing and it helps to answer questions and you feel supported and loved...
In answer to your question I will share my own experience..I just went along with Ruth, if she thought her long deceased brother was coming to pick her up, I would tell her he called and said he was running late. After a time she would forget or as pt34 said I would try to redirect her. Usually, I could get her to "dance" with me. I would set in front of her on a stool and we would raise our hands and shake our bootys setting down.. She would laugh and then on to the next thing... I have said this often because this is what worked for me.. I would just go to her world, as she no longer lived in mine. I hope you stick around and vent if you feel like it...hugs to you..
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My prayers go out to you 54j! You are a saint in my eyes! My dad has middle stage alzheimer's and my mother cares for him in their home. He still remembers my mother, but only his son. My sister and I are simply wonderful, hardworking strangers in his home. I am able to accept the circumstances, but my brother is having a difficult time facing the facts. He does not visit as he should because he does not like to see his dad that way. I keep reminding him of the joy it gives my mom and dad when he visits! My sister and I cannot supply that joy because he does not recognize us as his daughters. Life is hard, but this is our dads reality now! Keep working on your children to visit! If not for their dad, but to help out their mom in the care of their dad! I have stayed with my mom and dad for days and see the difficult life my mothers has now. She will keep him at home as long as he is not danger to himself or others. So far he is normally very sweet and loving towards everyone. My mom is his lifeline and he knows it. Take care and as I said before my prayers are being sent to you. May god give you strength to carry on your good work!
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My mom told me she was getting forgetful back in the spring of 2011. I did not pay to much attention to it because I am 55 myself and forget thing all the time, so I didn't pay to much attention to that. But as time went on I starting seeing thing that I had some concerns with. I've spoken with her doctor and he did confrim with me that she has being stage of Alzheimers. I read the poem and I want to frame it and put it in the living room were all of our visiting families can read it, but do you think I may be rushing the situtation?
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My MIL has been having trouble with math -- can't spell out the amount of on a check, and I just learned from her niece that she can't add simple math, like 18+42...the 4 numerals have to be said individually very slowly; even phone numbers have to be repeated several times. She also can't keep track of dates on a calendar in order to plan a trip up north to be with us. And can't remember unless you specifically make sure that she writes a short note on the calendar. Are these Alzheimer's symptoms?
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Sadfamilymember.. I'm not a professional but from experience I would say, yes some form of dementia. Get her to a doctor if you can and let them know before the appointment of your observations and suspicions
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