What do you do with family that treats you as an outcast?

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My dad has lung, liver and colon cancer. However, my dad's side of the family prevents me from seeing him. I have to find my own way to see him both before he was told he had lung and colon cancer. I wanted to visit him everyday, but I couldn't so I called and checked up on him every week and daily. No one seems to think that I'm not hurting. I wanted my dad to live a healthy life and not die due to the drinking and smoking he did before this. I'm all alone when it comes to his side of the family. I just wanted my siblings to get along and I end up getting yelled at again. Somehow my dad's sister involved my mother in this (who she really doesn't know) and my youngest brother insists I'm after my dad's estate/money. I'm in no way like this and my mom's family and my friends know me better then they do. Its just sad, I struggle with depression and sometimes feel it was better that I be in my dad's spot. I can tell that my brothers wouldn't be visiting me. They claim I want people to feel sorry for me, yet they won't talk issues out with me. I know they are taking care of him, but that doesn't mean to make his only daughter in the state an outcast. I'm looking for help because this is a serious issue, I'm pretty sure we won't be on speaking terms when he does leave us. I try to live day to day the best I can. Any advice would help me, I don't want them to prevent me from seeing him in his final days. I'm sure i'll have to find my own ride when his funeral comes too.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. Families can be a mess at times like this.

Do you know even one person who also knows the rest of the family? Maybe that person can help them understand that you need to be involved. If there is a chaplain or some other religious leader, or an old friend of your dad's, maybe this person could help them understand that you want to see your dad.

Take care of yourself and do your best, a day at a time, to understand that this whole situation is sick. It's not about you personally.
Carol
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Wow...sounds like there are some serious emotional issues going on that date long before your father became seriously ill. I wonder what made all these people rise up against you? To get that many people upset with you is odd...sounds like they are protecting him from something.
If you truly have the best intentions for your Dad, you should be able to see him. Can you enlist your Mom's help? If the brothers and other family have protected his assets, what would be the harm in letting you visit? If you do visit your ailing father, be sure that you do not discuss with him this awful family situation or finances...that would just add to his suffering.
Really, sometimes I think it would be better to have no money at all...then, you would really know who your true friends and caring family are.
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this all got out of hand on facebook of course over this little status, " is sad there is family that can't be supportive. Shouldn't it be about loving and supporting each other when we haven't been perfect?". This somehow involves money? Oh and the responses I got from his cousin (dad's) was. 'Let me tell you what I have done, I have been part of this family all my life and tried to get along with you (no she didn't) but you continue to do sh***y stuff. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough to know you are as dumb as a box of rocks. You are never going to get along with your siblings if you keep acting the way you are. The ones I know don't respect you and won't until you start acting like you got some sense. I may not know you well but I do know them and I have known them their whole life.' As for the post. I ignore it, just like her comment about two-faced people. I see two people on this side of the family that love to create drama that is her and my dad's only surviving sister. This was not an issue at the reunion this summer. In fact I welcomed her with open arms, by giving my dad's sister a big hug. Anyone who knows me well knows, I'm not greedy or after money and that I'm not a bad person that they make me out to be. It just hurts, I go to bed every nigh crying. I was in college too and they gripe and moan about me not being there because I got really sick one month and didn't go out. I didn't go anywhere and tried to rest up so I could see my father soon. I even talked to him on the phone. Everyone thinks they know how my father feels. We have been trying to bond regardless of what the family does. Is it so much to ask to be accepted (which I will never be apparently) I only get along well with my dad's little brother. I really hate this :(
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No, the one person that does is the one dying. I do have some neutral parties, but again today, I'm yelled at for something not referring to any family at all. They called me stupid to think I didn't know about his sister. My dad gave me things to research while I was doing homework on ancestry.com. I did and put a little book together, only he saw. When he finally does go, I'm done with this side of the family. They started bashing me again on facebook and they do not know even half of the story. I hate this and its not going to get in the way of me having to move on. I have to find a job to keep a roof over my head, bills paid and food in my belly. My mom is helping me out with this as well. She is feeling the strain as it is. I don't like borrowing more then I need or can pay back.
Its so sad that I have to cry every night for at least 2 hours because my effort to get to know this family is like breaking out of a secluded island prision. I just delete all the people giving me grief and keep a few neutral ones on that side, even if they are just family friends. I've got bags under my eyes worrying about my dad, because I can't be there like everyone else wants me to be. I keep getting pushed away and I'm not taking it anymore. While all this goes on, I've had panic attacks and my body has started trembling. I've also lost my appetite because of all the bull that gets pointed at me. Tried going to the mall 2 days ago to relax...didn't help. I broke down crying there too. Seems like no one understands me on that side. I don't think its a crime that I have to find a job or get evicted. My friends had to stand up for me on facebook because of it. I made it so they cannot post anything on my wall like that. This is really hurting me and my dad too.
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Now he as passed on as of today 12/14...sad year for me :(
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Hi. I am in the same situation with my family. If you want to write to me, I would be happy to share with you what I have done to be able to cope with the disconnection from my family of origin and all that goes with it. My heart goes out to you, but know that there are solutions and you are not alone. Truthfully, it took me about 4 years to come to peace with the situation. I had to learn how to understand that fairness does not always count, one must go on living one's life, and there are strategies to help yourself get out of the depression you feel. Take care and I wish you the best.
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Sadly, everyone goes back and finds something I did that wasn't to their standards. Like me bringing my college homework with me so I could visit my dad before he passed on. My little brother, who made funeral arrangements still don't get it. All the money that was mention was back child-support my dad owed. Greedy for him having a hand in creating me and then moving away? No. He still doesn't get it and I'm not sure he ever will. I was a bit rebellious. Not seeing my dad the first 11 years is a lot to take in in one day for a kid. Yeah there were periods I didn't speak to him, but never stopped him from coming around again. So, funeral got mixed emotions about this. Not as sad, but sad because I got 4 people in my dad's family that think they knew everything. They didn't even know he had a total of 12 kids. Shame isn't it?
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