Well first off I'd want to know if being 'hateful' is a new thing, or has she always been this way. If it's a new thing, then maybe she should be going to the doctor for some happy pills. If on the other hand she has always been like this, and your dad just ran interference for her, then you're in for it till she dies I recon. sorry.
Yes, determining if this is a change is important. She needs a mental status evaluation and clearly needs some emotional support. If she is religious, maybe a STephen Minister or deacon. If not, she needs a social worker or a psychologist to help her deal with her grief. The loss of a loved one is very challenging no matter what age. Grief counseling is a start. Good luck!
she is going thru depressions . i was told when the love one passes away the person will go thru the stages , depressed , then they;ll be so mad at the whole world . id have the dr check her out and maybe the happy pill may change her moods for the better ,
Is she able to get along by herself and was depending on others for socialization or does she need assistance to stay in her home-you may just have to tell her her options I do realize how it is to have an angery bitter elder but if she is allowed to continue this way of course she is not going to have friends I am sure the children and grandchildren if there are any do not come around and you and she can not expect strangers to put up with this my brother goes to visit my elderly aunt at intervals because she is so upbeat if she was not he would not do it-some elders get away with bad behaivor because no one wants to put up with crossing them some times it has to be done and let the chips fly-my mother would never let us kids act the way she does and she cane be so sweet to strangers and then turn around and screech at me for saying something reasonable.
Really sounds like depression to me. She may also just be flat out angry that her husband was taken from her before she was ready to let him go or could be that she use to take her anger out on him and he is not there for that anymore and she now uses you to vent to. Just a few ideas. A grief counselor would be a good place to start. They can usually tell if someone needs to be referred to an MD for meds. Best of luck to you.
I'm with you, susan63. If it started on the heels of your Dad's death, her only grieving may have turned into a wall of raging anger that she is alone, that she is afraid, or any number of things. She may be lacking trust in life and/or in others since your Dad died and is building an emotional wall around herself for protection, however misguided. Regardless of what may be going on, don't you think you owe it to your Mom to sit down with her and tell her that you, and others are concerned about her because of her continuously mis-directed anger? Tell her that her angry outbursts are turning others away from her, and that you are barely hanging on by a thread. Let her know that she needs to talk to a medical or other professional about what is making her so angry because you no longer choose to live on the receiving end of such wrath. That is not good for your short or long-term well-being. If she doesn't take you seriously, at least she would have heard someone confront her with the reality of her behavior at least once in her life. Be prepared for her to hurl words back at you. Don't cave and don't argue back. Just allow your words to sink in to your Mom's consciousness. It is your Mom's issue to hear and to resolve with professional help. You need not join the dance of anger with her. Good luck in seeking peace for yourself and your Mom. I can't imagine how difficult your life must be from day to day in such a situation. Keep sharing. There are so many caring people here.
id have the dr check her out and maybe the happy pill may change her moods for the better ,