pbiska Asked February 2011

What can I do about my mother-in-law's moaning? She says she doesn't realize she is doing it.

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pbiska Mar 2011
Thx, And hugs to you too! I am so glad to know I'm not alone!
Not glad that anyone else has to go thru what we're going thru but drawing strength fr each other!
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pbiska Mar 2011
Luvmom,
Thanks for your kind words. Mama has come along way from
when we moved her in. She had partial hip replacement, then developed a heel sore in rehab that took almost 2yrs, and add'l hospitalization to clear up. All these moves, I believe, contributed to her dementia worsening. Our bedtime routine includes alot of talking , hugging, reassuring and laughter. The dogs even get their "grandma" time. She pats them both and tells them to "be good doggies and go nite-nite now" and she will see them in the morning. We leave the TV on per her request and turn off the light. After about 10mins she starts moaning. It doesn't seem to bother my husband as much anymore- I guess he can tune it out. Me, I just lay there and cry.
We used to have a baby monitor in her room & ours, but we
had to turn it off to get any sleep. I currently am trying to find some assistance for evenings. It is Very hard to work all day and rush home and deal w/everything there. And 24/7 on the weekends w/no breaks. My husband & I didn't have kids -so our life style has changed considerably!! But to be perfectly honest, I believe for the better. We are closer than we have ever been and our hearts feel full!
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AWE so sad for her to be frightened like that and to even say she doesnt realize she is doing it. When I tuck my Mom in everynight I sing to her 15-30 minutes. When we sing they hear and understand it well as they listen from a different part of their brain. I always sing and then add in her name, etc and how she is the best Mom in the world and she falls asleep with a smile most nights, I tell her I am spending the night right across the hall so she is safe and I will check her again. She says "that makes me feel so good." She is in late stage alzheimers/dementia. My Mom went thru wandering 2-20 times night, no lie, for about a year, it finally stopped. Its amazing how much little sleep we learn to live on for love , lol. I leave for work before 7am and come right home to her to relieve the caretaker so she can get to another job. Its rough. I do have to tell you thou, when people tell me THEY are tired, I feel like whacking them HAHA!! They have NO clue what tired is.
Hugs to you your husband and especially to your poor confused and frightened MIL.
Luvmom
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headbanger Mar 2011
So many noises! Grandma is a special effects gold mine for some hollywood studio yet she remains undiscovered.

1) The shew shew shew...this is her shortness of breath and was explained by the nurse as being "pursed lip breathing".

2) The mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm: This is unexplained. Grandma denies pain and denies hearing herself make the noise.

3) The Uh huh...this is a concentration noise for her, she repeats it when trying to do something that she isn't supposed to, or something that requires nimble hands.

4) The "OH BOY" This is in response to exertion, standing, trying to walk and is accompanied by shew, shew, shew

5) Moaning: Sometimes she moans because of stomach pains we believe are gas but she moans all the time. Mostly she will say she is unaware of doing it and is not in any particular discomfort.

6) Throat clearing. Constant.

7) Lip smacking: Constant. No apparent reason, not thirsty or hungry.

There are many more I can't think of right now, but these noises appear to be involuntary for the most part and we have stopped asking her about most of them. She becomes embarrassed and defensive when questioned about it so we just leave it alone.

The sounds that may need assistance are the moaning and the seated shew shew which could either be pain or shortness of breath, both are something we'd try to do something about. We also start watching her activity when she starts the Uh huh...that could mean that she is entering a thought process that could be naughty or dangerous for her.

Good luck with MIL...My grandmother is also very routine oriented such as you described. Try and put your mind someplace peaceful when you hear her start up. If it is during the day I try to do a different deep breathing or lunge/squat exercise when I hear particular repetative sounds she makes now. I may as well get a workout or a meditative moment because I can't stop her!

The noises can be annoying. Somedays I'd pay someone just to put me in a sound proof booth for an hour.

Hugs! HB
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pbiska Mar 2011
I did - she says she doesn't know she's doing it. I Believe,( from my detective work) that when she had her heel sore, it got worse at night , and she moaned cuz she WAS in pain. Now that the foot has healed - I think it is almost habit. She is Very routine oriented. The more you do the same - everyday and every night , the better -more comfortable she seems. If you deviate- she has anxiety & gets nervous. Thanks for the advise.
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Carecoach Mar 2011
The first step to "doing something" about the moaning is to find out why she moans. There are all kinds of possibilities from dementia-- she doesn't know she's doing it because her brain doesn't register the sounds she's making-- to illness or even injury. She may be moaning in response to emotional issues. Lots of detective work needs to be done, and a good starting point is to ask her why she is moaning.
Blessings, Joanne
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pbiska Mar 2011
AT 1st I thought I had to be her constant entertainment. Always by her side. I have since found things she enjoyed B4 she moved in, that she did when she was alone at home. I got Croation tapes of Tamburitza music. She'll play cards(solataire) still even suffles and deals out correctly. Reads the newspapers. Watchs sports, but I got her into the food network.
She'll even tell me - Make that!! LOL.
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Lori71 Mar 2011
I almost forgot the ....sighs.........sigh....sigh....gggrrrr
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Lori71 Mar 2011
I have been a silent listener on here for a few weeks now but boy can I relate to this one. We moved and took my mom with us this fall and the adjustment has been very difficult. I have never heard more body noises in my life!!! When she eats, she goinks....constantly clears her throat or coughs....her belching comes from her toes and makes me want to puke. And then there is the FARTING......i think she is trying to pass a baby elephant. To make things worse this new house echoes terribly. She goes to the doctor Thursday....I hope he will give her something for the gas. I think I am going to have to have my daughter set me up with some music and a mp3 player.....and headphones.
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pbiska Mar 2011
Thanks , everyone. We did put her on a sleep aid and it seems to be working. She still moans till it kicks in. I believe it is when she is tired/bored. She has been doing well lately. Day care 4x a week. Maybe knowing spring is around the corner helps!!
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