How do you transition someone from home to assisted living or nursing home?

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My mother was diagnosed with Alzhiemer's in 2001. She lived with my Dad until he passed away in 2007. At that time my brother and his girlfriend moved in and took care of her for 5 years. They recently moved out and I have taken over her care. I am 66 and still working and trying to maintain both her home and my own. She is becoming more fraile and having more difficulty with transitions. She is in a day care for those with Alzheimer's. She has a very difficulty time with going and coming from the center or if she I take her to my daughter's houses, etc. Even though she is in her own home, she continually asks when she is going home, or when is the bus coming to pick her up. She is very anxious most of the time about going home. I have just started looking into assisted living for dementia care and find that most are perfect for people who are in the middle stages of the disease. However, most are very expensive and they do not take medicaid. So, once all of her money is exhausted I will have to find a nursing home for her. Wondering how others are managing these challenges both financial and emotional.

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Hello Barkey,

I'm in your shoes too! My (widowed 91 yr old) mom has been living in her home, with myself & husband, and other fam & friends caring for her 24/7 for two years. She hated Adult Daycare when I tried last summer, too many physically/mentally challenged people. Her gen. health is good, but the dementia has progressed plenty.

One of the main reasons we're planning on placing her in a nearby nursing home is: she's terrifically lonely & isolated. She sees us more as her "jailers" than companions, and constantly talks about moving out & is scared to stay there. We want to make this move while she's still able to be sociable; visiting and eating, etc. I know it won't be easy on her or us, but it's time. My 73 yr old husband had a bypass four years ago, and I still have to work; plus we have our own (2-story) home to care for. I'd like his golden years to not be consumed by this, although he's been an angel.

You can use her money to qualify for the Medicaid spend down to ($2,000) for anything she needs for her home, herself (dental work, hearing aids, clothes, etc)...you can even purchase a car & insurance in her name. Keep in mind that getting her home ready to sell may take some upgrades too (roof, furnace etc.)...all legal!

There's plenty info out there, on this great site and other similar ones; you should also seek an Elder Care lawyer's advice about all this (on her dime too). You can compare nursing homes on the Medicare chart, very helpful to see their ratings, etc...but still need to visit & check them out personally. Ask around; I asked at my dentist and doctor's offices for recommendations. We visited three nursing homes and felt that this one is a good fit, close to us, and we know someone that lives there with a good report!

You do what you can do cause you love them so much, but there comes a time when you know this can't go on...also I know mom (when in her right mind) wouldn't want us to give our lives up forever. Believe me, we have prayed for much wisdom and direction in this all, and feel like God's hand is in the timing!

Blessings to you for your loving care and future decisions for your mom! ♥
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I don't know where you live, but in Oregon we have a lot of foster-care homes which only have 5 or so elderly per home. LIKE home but not. Your LO is taken care of, you can visit or take him/her home for a visit, but you don't have the burden of day-to-day care. I am also getting more care in-home during the day for my husband with dementia, partly so I can get things done. You might see if either is an option. Check with Eldercare dept. of your county for help, or a social worker or case manager.
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HI Barkey, I was in your shoes and hired morning help to get Mom to Daycare (although mom moved in with me). I picked her up after work and it was that way until she had a stroke and her walking stopped. I now hire help and keep Mom in my home, its not wasy but I am always here for her to bathe her, feed her, and hold her hand as she is so confused. We went thru a year of the "I want to go home!" and wandering and it was tough. I put locks on all the tops of the doors and went to work in a fog most days with her up all night, but we made it, that does end. You can ask the doctor for depakote sprinkls to calm her brain, its a life saver. I just left my job to care for her, but still get help a few mornings. Write anytime with questions and good luck.
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