My mom is out of control so I plan on moving her into assisted living. I just submitted the Medicaid forms, but is there anything I can do to speed the process up?

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My mom 51 years old and was diagnosed bi-polar with schizophrenic tendencies about 15 years ago and is on some serious meds. She had weight loss surgery in 1999 and lost 270 pounds, but has since gained most of it back because all she does is eat. My dad left her in January 2011 and my husband and I moved in to help get her on her feet, but it is obvious she should not live alone! She gets up 4-6 times a night to smoke and eat. She wears Adult Pull-ups because she pees and poops herself and then doesn't shower. I've tried talking to her, and asking her to shower, but she just ignores me most days or tries to act like we're just being mean. My husband and I have had it with her and plan to move in 2 months. I would really like to get her into an assisted living home, but she doesn't have Medicaid or Medicare because she is on my dads insurance until their divorce is final. I had her fill out the Medicaid forms and mail them into Dept of Human Services yesterday, but is there anything I can do to get this process moving faster? And WHY is she acting like this? Could she have another disease? I am falling apart emotionally and it seems like no one knows how to help me.

Any help would be more then appreciated.

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I can not begin express how much I appreciate all of your support and encouragement! I was hesitant to even post about my situation, but I am so glad that I did, because I know now that I'm NOT alone.

I couldn't even begin to understand what Caregivers go through each and every day until now... It is emotionally draining and completely heart breaking. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for each and every one you.

HUGS,
Tiffany
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wow that is horrible...I feel sorry for you...I am going thru a lot of the same stuff...but yours is so much younger......
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Hang in there, hotpinktulips! Having a heart-to-heart and her agreeing to you attending the appointment was progress, even if it didn't go as far as you intended. Don't let up. Go on the rescheduled appointment. Bring clean-up and change supplies. It will be hard, but you can probably get her clean enough to continue with an appointment.

I can see why you'd be furious. This is NOT going the way you want it to, and you are trying so hard. Grrrrrr... I could be wrong, but I highly doubt that your mother is having the bathroom episodes deliberately, at least at a conscious level. That doesn't make it easier for you, I know. I wonder if her incontinence of bowel is related to her barriatric surgery and her overeating now? (Which leads to the question of why she is overeating, I know.)

I have a bi-polar brother and a husband with dementia. Something that has helped me immensely to deal with them both is to learn as much as I could about their specific conditions. It surprised me and gave me a different perspective to read that some of my brother's very aggravating behaviors are common among people with his condition. That doesn't mean I am not trying to help him overcome those behaviors, it just removes the personal element. He isn't doing this "to me." He is doing this because some circuits are haywire in his brain. If you can find out more specifically what your mother's diagnosis is and then read up on it, that might make it easier to detach from her behavior. Might. But there is no magic. It is hard, hard, hard to live with people with mental disabilities.

Meanwhile, continue with your plans to establish a new household for you and hubby. Sacrificing your mental health for your mom's won't fix anything. I can see that you are not abandoning her and you are trying to set something helpful to her in montion. Do your best and give up the guilt.
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Blowout could be medication side effect too. I had a blowout once when I tried a new diabetes medication. My Mom and I were at JcPenny. I left her in the wheelchair in the middle of an aisle and raced to the bathroom. Too late! LOL! I was horrified. Mom laughed and laughed. In retrospect, it was hilarious but at the time I felt so terrible and embarrased and mortified and dirty. I'm sure your mom feels that way too. My heart goes out to your Mom and to you. I at least was able to clean myself in the stall and dispose of my underwear so no-one could tell. Can't imagine what I'd have done if it had gone through to my jeans.
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My mom is also a large woman (350 pounds), so she can't really clean herself. I'll definitely start packing her a bag with wipes and extra clothes/pull-ups. Thank you for the reply.
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I'd say take a bag with wipes and a change of pants or two. I wonder if she is more likely to have a blowout when she gets nervous. They do not normally do colostomies for incontinence. I have to admit I dread that happening with my mom, because she is large and not mobile and it would be hard to clean her up in most restrooms! (She uses adult disposable briefs though because she can't always tell when she has to go.)
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So I had a heart to heart this morning with my mom and asked if she would be ok with me going to her Psychologist appt this afternoon and after a lot of tears she agreed. But once we got there she exploded in the bathroom and came out with poop all over the back of her jeans! I was so embarrassed and had to reschedule her appt. I think she needs a colostomy bag, because this happens 2/3 times we go somewhere. =( I am so furious right now.
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Your Mom is too young for a NH. An ex sister-in-law of mine was bipolar and she goes through hell and back when she needs a medication adjustment. She's been in and out of mental hospitals when all she needed was medication adjustment. I hope you talk to her doctors and discuss options before placing her in a facility. I think with the right medications she could get herself under control and begin to live her life again.

Best wishes for you and your family!
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The most common antipsychotic meds cause absolutely awful increases in appetite - and worse still, tend to produce insulin resistance leading to diabetes. There are other choices for true bipolar disease. She may be having sleep apnea or other reasons for poor slep also. And if she does not see the problem or tell the doctors what is really going on they may assume all is well on the current medication routine. If you can get a POA and talk to her docs, or go with her to appointments, you may be able to help get her on a better medication plan. This is one tough situation...
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I am so sorry to hear of your situation. If your mom is bi-polar and schizophrenic she may not need any other conditions to act as she is. When was the last time her meds were evaluated? Is she taking them as directed? She needs a thorough medical evaluation and then she needs to follow a treatment plan. Unfortunately although that is what she needs, I don't see how you could make it happen when she doesn't think anything is wrong. I think it would help to help Social Services involved. Here is what will not in any way: you having an emotional meltdown. One mentally ill person in the household is one too many. Even if your mother won't take care of herself, you must take care of yourself. And that means not shouldering this impossible responsibility alone. Presumably your father tried and he couldn't do it. It takes more than love and perseverence (although those help) to deal with mental illness. Do not feel guilty. Sad, yes -- guilty, no. Get a professional involved. I truly, truly hope that you can get your mom back, or at least improve her quality of life. Ultimately you and your husband need to build your own life. When you talk to Social Services, please look into what counseling is available for you. You certainly deserve it.

Any mental illness -- dementia, bi-polar disroder, schizophrenia -- doesn't happen just to one person, it happens to the entire family. Get all the support and help you can. Start with social services.

Good luck, and come back to let us know what is happening.
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