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Oh my god, that woman is nuts! My 61 year old mother is suffering from severe osteoarthritis and is currently bed, chair and wheelchair bound. She has done nothing for herself except shower alone in over a year. I cook 3 meals a day, clean her home, shop, bank, pay bills, clean her potty chair daily, listen to her cry and moan and wish herself dead, watch her take pill after pill and still bad mouth me to my brothers whom live within several miles and do NOTHING. I want to run away. What do I do?

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Precious Cathy, you are amazing! Please seek a counselor that deals with caregivers, they will help, mine did. Mom didn't want strangers in the home either but i had to be straight with her. They can be manipulative just like a child. I tell mom, its for me mom as its important i stay healthy for you. They do want you healthy. I tell her its my counselor telling me i must do so as homework. Tell your brother to do things over moms objection by saying sis looks tired so im helping her. You work also, so i can't identify there. I'm disabled so i,m home all the time. seems like very long days though. We can't avoid some of the what if's, they may happen nomatter the constant care we give and don't feel quilty ever as you are shining star!
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I just wanted to thank all of the wonderful responders. I talk with her regarding a cleaning lady, a home health aide, ro perhaps even getting my brothers, my local living brothers to come to the house to sweep up, vaccuum, change curtains and put the salt down the basement for the water conditioner. I get told by her that she don't trust anyone else in her house and no one would take care of her like I do. She even tells my brothers as they sit on their butts while they visit nothing but 2-3 times a month, don't worry about the comode, your sister will get it after work, or I just love, don't worry about making something for me to eat, your sister and her hubby will feed me as soon as they get home from working.... a 12 hour day. I have to just accept this, move on and remember that she's my mother, she raised us, fed us and loved us, regardless of her mean, negative, critising ways and it's my daughterly duty to wipe her ass and change her pee pot.
I do thank you all for just letting me type on like a crazed fool. Feels good not to bother my husband and daughter with this naggin about mom. Good luck to all of you with the same life. What life? Does anyone go out anymore? Can't go more then 2 hours from the house or I get anxiety about what if????
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We will hang in thee together! Same situation. I now have a counselor come to my home and gives me Homework to do such as join the wyca. go to the post office, and get away for a weekend and have a trusted friend or family member tend to them just one weekend. I had my Son do it and he is susposed to get respite pay for doing it but its hasn't came yet but the week/end away was WONDERFUL. ( had gotten where i would go nowhere, not even to the store or drive.) The counselor really helps. I love this site too. We are a family of caregivers!
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I really feel for you. Is your mother on medicare? Maybe you could check with in home health service to see if you mother would qualify.

It is really hard being a caregiver to the elderly. The last year of my life has been pure hell. My mother also puts down her children and is very self-centered, but she has always been that way so it is not due to her old age. Still I'll do all in my power to see that she taken care of, in our case a nursing home.

It sounds like you need help too with her care. The internet can sometimes be great in finding what services are available. Good luck to you.

I sure know what you mean about wanting to run away, I started wishing that I would get amnesia so I wouldn't remember or know what was happening.
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Why don't you hire live-in care to relieve some of your stress? You seem to be extremely busy and by having a medical professional come to your house, for however many hours you wish, you will have more time to do what YOU want to do.

Hope it works out!

Best,
Jackie
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Ring your local council and they should be able to provide home help that won't break the bank (they may even pay for it for you!) Remember to treat yourself even if it just a chocolate bar at the end of the day or a good book. Elaine x
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Sorry, I accidentally hit the submit button before I was done. Anyway, you need to take care of YOU. You can't go on being so stressed, as you won't be any good for yourself or your mom. Believe me, I've been at the point you are at and beyond, and beyond really isn't any fun.

Hang in there and keep posting. Someone will have some good constructive suggestions for you.
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Hey, if you run away please take me with you!

Seriously, if your mom is in her own home it sounds like she could use some help. Have you asked her doctor about getting provider assistance for her? Home health care? Meals on wheels could help you with the food issues, plus the added benefit of having someone check in on her once daily. So much of the available services depend on the state you live and her financial status. Since you are doing her banking, can she afford to hire household help or a daily companion? Many folks have problems spending their money on such help, especially if they have a family member who will do it all, but maybe you need to put your foot down and see if you can get her to hire help if she can afford it.
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