Single young female taking care of her mother. Very depressed.
I'm 21 years old and still in college. I am normally very cheerful, optimistic, ambitious & laid back. My mom has always been very depressing & we never had a good relationship until after my father passed away a few years ago. Growing up, I despised her. She would abuse me physically and mentally and until this day, all she ever did was complain. She always makes sure she reminds how she "raised me alone" even though it's not true. My father paid child support and was ALWAYS there for me in any and every way. He was my pride and joy and I miss him SO MUCH. I had a very dark point in my life where I resorted to drugs and alcohol. I'm completely past that now and clean. I know she loves me but she has a different way of showing it. She is very overprotective to the point where I ran away a few years ago because it became unbearable. Anyways, she is losing her job. She expects me to take over all financial aspects and I just CAN'T do it. I go to school full time as well as work full time. I have always helped her with bills, and whatever extra money I have I contribute in any way that I can. On top of it all, she is always "sick". For as long as I remember she has been like this and I just feel like I don't want to be around negative people anymore. I spent so much of my childhood crying and upset and surrounded by plain negativeness. I'm at the point where I just want to run away. I'm so scared that i'm not going to be able to live a normal life and get married & have children like other people my age. People my age just have to worry about school, their job & THEIR OWN BILLS. I have no friends because I have no time to even make any. I would NEVER leave her alone, but it's terrifying thinking that i'm going to have to take care of my mother for the rest of my life and also take over bills that I can not afford. She is financially irresponsible and I feel like i'm paying for her mistakes. I forgot to mention that i'm an only child. Please help me. Any advice helps. : (