Is it selfish to want to live my own life? I am 27 and have been my mom's caregiver since I was 13 years old.

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I'm 27 years old and have been a caregiver to my mom since I was about 13 years old. She has had cancer on and off during that time frame. My only brother has since passed away and my father died 13 years ago. My mother is not on speaking terms with any of her family and I pretty much have no family to help me. I have put off my college education for as long as I could to care for my mom thinking it was going to get better. It's only getting more complicated, and I can't keep putting off my education. The last few times my mom has been in the hospital she's had to go to skilled nursing facilities because it's getting harder for her to get back on her feet. She says she doesn't want to talk to her family and that she just wants to live peacefully with me and not share me. I'm at a loss for words because it's really hard on me to work, be in school, care for her and try to live a semi normal life with no help from anyone. Her mental state is also a cause for concern as all she talks about are the evil people that are trying to kill her and God. So talking to her about things is not the easiest thing to do. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, and tired of feeling guilty for trying to live my life. I'm just wondering if anyone has any helpful advice for me.

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Rivera0929, can you give us an update regarding your situation, as it has been a few years since you posted your question? Hope everything worked out.
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You're naturally selfish anyway. Why are you asking?
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I have had a similar experience for the past five years, until just last month when my mom fell and had to go to the nursing home. This time I could not promise to take her back home, I cannot help her get up and every time we had to call the ambulance when she fell. She was also starting to wake up in the night and think someone was out in the parking lot waiting to pick her up to go somewhere. Sometimes when we would have something to do in the morning where we wuold have to get up early the next day she would wake me up several times during the night asking if it was time to get up yet. In my case I am older, I started this when I was 54 and I am 59 now. I had to go on disability when I was 51. All I have ended up doing since is helping my sister with her kids for 3 years and then being a live-in caretake for five years. Mom is real unhappy to be in the nursing home, and mom and my sister are locked in a power play now as to who gets to have me help them and mom is trying to prove that she can live on her own without me, and wants all her property stored at my sister's and control over her finances. And I am torn in the middle, trying to please both of them. I have to stay on good terms with my sister, as this is the only place I have to go, I am on disability, no one will hire me now, I am middle aged/old and have a lot of health problems brought on by all this stress. This past five years has really aged me fast, I did not realize how much she was depending on me and how much stress I was under until my body gave out.
I did not want it to end this way with a big family fight.

At least I did have a chance to work 25 years and get a good education, even though the jobs I had did not match the amount of education I had due to layoffs, etc.

Don't burn yourself out and end up with a lot of health problems, that will affect you for the rest of your life. You are still young and need to be allowed to be on your own and have your own life.
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Your first priority is to see she gets the best care possible. Don't be afraid of letting go, but find the resources to help. Ask her Physician for referrals, and have him/her help you make decisions in your Mom's best interests. Then you must take care of you. We are all rooting for you and your Mom. Bless you.
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yes and your mother may live 20 more years and girl u re going to be an old maid ... if you dont let go of her .
she does need a outside help and of course you ;ll come around and see her but please go enjoy ur life , LIFE S TOO SHORT ..
i was married and havin babies at your age and enjoyed raising my family an dnow theyre all grown up and have kids ofthier own and i have nothing better to do but stay home and take car eof dad . i have lived a good life and lots of memories .
you said u started takin care of her when u was 13 . geeze your mother has u wrap around her pinky finger . its time to let go ,
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Yes, it is selfish. You are young, you have your whole life in front of you. Go to school, find a profession, do something you love to do. You have done far more than anyone your age should have to do, and it's your turn. Get help with your mom (take heed of secretsister's advice). Your mom is 66 - she should be eligible for medicare and perhaps medicaid. She has cancer, can she get into hospice care? Get help for her, and get on with your life! You will not be abandoning her, merely getting her the help she needs that you cannot provide all by yourself.
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you have had so much sadness with the loss of both father and only brother, and then sol carer for your sick mum, no wonder your overwhelmed and exhausted who wouldn't be . But to feel guilty that's one thing you shouldn't be feeling, you have a beautiful heart and should be proud of your effete to this point. You keep up the good work, and let your heart be your guide. see your doc about those feelings God Bless you and may He keep you strong
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Has your Mom had an evaluation for her bizarre thoughts? A Geriatric Assessment sounds necessary, or at least, a talk with her Physician. Medication can sometimes help, but a doctor needs to know. As for you, help is necessary. There are many options. Have you talked to a Social Worker, or have you (not she) talked to her family? Sometimes we need to go beyond their stated wishes, and do the next thing. Not everyone will admit they need help, but you are. Keep asking, until your answer comes, then act, knowing you have both you and your Mom's best interests at heart. Take care of you, too. Happy schooling!
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you are so young !! you need to have a life of ur own . your mother is very selfish woman , sorry to say that .
put yourself first and go on to school and have a life of your own . i am sure your mother did that when she was 27 yrs old . it is not fair and its not right .
keep her in rehab is the bestthing you could do for her . i think if my mother was like that and im 27 yes i would have done that .
i am 47 yrs old and my father is 86 yrs old and i am takin care of him . i tell you i have no life other than take care of him . which is ok i dont mind , i am done with schooling and i am done with working too . i would rather stay home and take care of my sweet ole dad . 47 yrs old and tired ...
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