Pre-arranged funeral for my aging Mother, yes or no?

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We are full time caregivers for my 88 yr. old Mother and can see a nursing facility in the future. We have discussed a pre-paid funeral with Mother but she does not seem to understand the process. She thinks her savings will cover any and all funeral expenses. We are afraid if a nursing home or worse yet a "major" hospital stay ever happens her savings will be wiped out and we will be left with the expenses of the funeral. As I am authorized to write checks on her acct. I felt the day she went into a nursing home or hospital I would pre-pay the funeral without her knowledge but feel somewhat guilty. What do you think?

Answers 1 to 3 of 3
I beleive when you become a responsible party for you parents you need to step up and be just that. its call tough love. be a leader. take control. you have to become the responsible one. its new to you, but it is your now.
Top Answer
Bless you all and your situation, xbassman. Absolutely you should go ahead and pre-pay for her funeral because if her assets have to be liquidated due to going into a nursing home, Medicaid will take all of her savings.

Whereas if she has a pre-paid funeral plan in place, they cannot take that. The laws may be different in your state, but here in Oklahoma the amount allowed for a funeral plan is up to $10,000. I used to work at a funeral home and had to advise on this quite often. Blessings and good luck.
Perhaps you can get your mom to participate in planning the service, in a much or little detail as she cares to. Does she want burial or cremation? A viewing? A graveside service? Does she have favorite songs or verses she'd like used? Etc. Even if you can't convince her of the wisdom of paying for this now, she may take some comfort in going to the selected funeral home and talking about arrangements, knowing that things will be handled as she'd like them. Then you can quietly make the financial arrangements now.

My mother, on the other hand, was fine with prepaying for funeral services, but wants no part in discussing the arrangements. She'll be dead by then -- we can do whatever we'd like. LOL. My friend's mother frequently went through what she wanted in great detail, updating her pastor regularly on what hymns she wanted, and even what whether the Ladies' Society should serve ham or chicken salad sandwiches! So attitudes about planning one's own final service are all over the map, and I'd respect whatever level your mother wants to be involved.

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