As my mom's POA, do I have to pay for my brother's flights to see her?

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My brother has asked for $ from my mother's very limited account in order to fly his 4 member family to see her. Now he wants more $ for more visits. Can I deny his request as it drains her funds? She is in an alzheimer/dementia facility.

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Bradley, I think you should call the lawyer who drew up your POA for your father. I think the cost of the flight ticket is probably justified considering his current health status or if you also have the Health Care Proxy for him. I am not sure. BUT I do know that as POA's we are obligated to document all necessary monies spent only for the good of and on behalf of the person for whom we are POA. Calling the attorney first is advisable to clarify your rights as POA. I would also review the legal documents if you have them in your possession. Good luck and I hope you get to see your Dad soon.
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As poa can I purchase a plane ticket to go see family member in nurseing home,I don't think he has long to live.I really don't have the money to fly.I live out of state and he is my father.
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Awesome! Good for you for taking on that task. I know it hurts to do that to your brother but he needs to grow up. Maybe you should screen those calls to your mother in the future. Your mother deserves better than that. Hugs
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Thank you for all your input. I did go to a lawyer who said I was not to give my brother any money. One reason is due to Mom's limited funds and my responsibility to be prudent about expenses. Secondly, he said that if we have to apply for Medicaid, all personal expenses will have to be paid back. I'll never see that money back from him. After telling him what the lawyer said, he still hassled my mother on the phone for the cash to travel and said I left her stressed because she will never see him again. Of course she acted up after each of his calls, demonstrating what he cared for is what he wanted and not what she needed first. At this point I have not heard from him for 3-4 weeks and it is bliss. However, he still calls Mom and the aides have to do triage after his calls. I spoke to her psyc and social worker and hopefully they will come up for a plan that tells him to lay off the stressors and instead call with supporting news. I am in awe of all caregivers and what is done to support their family members. It is a long road that nobody would wish to travel, but the strength of all is amazing!
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Why do all four family members of the family have to go? If he really wants to see his mother, he could come alone or bring one child this time the other child the next time. It sounds like a vacation opportunity in the making. How much time is actually spent with Mom? My Dad had alzheimers and he was not able to understand how his limited funds should be used. What will happen if her funds are used for "trips" and then when she needs funds for her own personal needs her funds will be gone? I have taken care of my Dad 6 years and now my Mom for 17 years, she is legally blind and deaf. If I wasn't managing her money responsibly all these years, I would be having to pay for her needs out of my own money. I tried to please family for years and nothing I decided was right or good enough for them.
I decided I am responsible to take care of my parents and what others THINK is not in my control. All I wanted was support and appreciation for all that I have done and still doing. I had one brother and for me his name should have been "useless"!
All of my family of origin are gone now except me and my Mom and she is 97. It is still hard to be responsible for my Mom and her needs but at least I don't have the complainers and judges to deal with! My husband and my two adult children are so good to me. They help me and I am so grateful to God that I have them in my life. I choose to look for what is good in my situations because what is not good is not going to help me in any way. I am a great daughter, wife, mom and gramma and I say that because I am and I need to affirm myself often. Pleasing others won't get you anywhere, so at least please yourself and take care of your Mom. God bless you.
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Dear Gem, Thank you for your kind and supportive comment. We all need a little boost of encouragement now and then. Along with the educational advices, that's part of what makes this forum so valuable.
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I think I said it earlier when this discussion started, not even considering legal ramificaations, don't do it. It's so extremely wrong of him being so willing to take advantage of the situation that it makes me want to punch him! However, with the threat of legal ramifications to either you or your mother, I especially wouldn't do it. He's a big boy, he can figure it out. If he's unwilling to accept that you can't put your mother or yourself in a compromising situation, then he's only being selfish.
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I don not have the answer, but you all continue to verify, how faithful many children are to their parents. Even if it means, them giving up things for themselves. Yes, there is the negative news out there. BUT LET US HOLD HIGH THOSE WHO ARE SO FAITHFUL ON A DAILY BASIS, WITH LITTLE OR NO RECOGNITION!
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I am my mother's only child and I have both DurablePOA and HealthCareProxy. Since my mother is in the NH with dementia (alzheimers/senility - I know there are subtle differences), she is incapable of making her own decisions on critical matters (especially financial/health/personal safety). Therefore it is the DPA/POA's fiducuary responsibility to make responsible and legally justifiable decisions regarding valid expenditures of her money. It is natural for usto want to go along with "Mom's wishes" just to make her happy - but we have to realize that our fiduciary responsibilty overrides her wishes since she is incapable of understanding the Medicaid eligibility rules or that we in our fiduciary responsibility can ourselves be held responsible for mishandling of her funds. I still have to use what little is left in her checking acct to pay her past balance due for utilities, and other bills she was responsible for up to August (just finished cleaning out her old apt). In the state of NJ, the patient is allowed to keep only $35 per month for personal expenses, and the NH gets the rest of the patient's income (SS/pension/etc). She is still in the "Medicaid pending" status for institutional Medicaid. Guess who foots the bills for getting her hair and nails done once a month, doing her laundry, taking her out to eat once in awhile, gasoline for traveling back & forth to doctors and once a week personal visitations? Me - of course - and my own financial status is suffering for it. I have been keeping track of what I spend my money on for her, and I am wondering/ hoping if I can reimburse myself out of the funds she has left after paying her bills and leaving her $35 allowance in the account. If not, I hope I can claim on my tax returns the money I spend on her needs as unreimbursed caregiver expenses? Except for grocery shopping, I still do all the same things I did as a caregiver before she went into the NH. Claire, if you are still following this topic, perhaps you can give your insight on this matter? Also, according to the NH billing admin, the only things I can deduct from her SS check are the $35 monthly allowance and Mom's secondary (Medigap) health insurance premium which she is allowed to contnue paying. Does anyone know differently about this? I am sure Blackandwhite and all of us could benefit from other people's knowledge of these matters.
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Just reread a few of the posts and noticed that indeed your mom in an alzhemiers unit. That makes the picture a bit different. And no there is only a certain amount of money that can be set aside monthly for some personal items that may not be provided by the care home. This would be a problem, when it comes time for you to account for her monetary resources. However, that does not negate some of the other things I did post above!!!!
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