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I have a live-in assistant that generally is very protective and caring to my father. Sometimes , however, maybe she has a harder time "accepting" his current frailities. For example, my father soiled the bedding overnight -- but he had taken off his underpants and moved to a clean part of the bed. After breakfast she insisted to him to go take a shower and wash off his tush.

My father was very tired and protested, pleaded to just lie down. I came over to help and actually his tush was mostly clean from what I could see. I had to really coax him to wash, I felt bad thru all his pleading to lie down. He is much stronger and willing to wash in the mid-afternoon.

If I had to make the call, I would have just tried to have him wash in the afternoon, but I think it's also part of her cleaning schedule to get things done in the a.m. How do I just get her to go more with the flow, when things aren't "dire," albeit not "best-case?"

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I think your reasoning is very sound. Unfortunately, a trained assistant may feel certain rules must apply or she could get in trouble for neglect. They have to protect themselves. Family members are more free to roll with what happens.

I don't know if this is the reason, of course. But I always have felt if my elders were tired, they should rest. Unless something was endangering their health, rules mean little.

I completely understand your view. If you know the assistant well, maybe you could chat (without seeming to challenge). It could be just that you agree to disagree. Sometimes we have to let things go.

You sound like a gem.
Carol
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