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Wow...why on earth would they talk to you this way? Has there been an incident lately? Sometimes these places get too caught up in the administration and forget that they are dealing with human beings.
I would be a little suspicious if they have turned down your request for information. Two things you could consider: Tell them you cannot attend until you have the reason for the meeting. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, take someone with you who can be a second set of eyes and ears.
It may not be anything to worry about, on the other hand you have to protect your grandfather's rights.
good luck...let us know what happened
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Gordon, I am confused. The facility has to have a conference , a meeting with the entire team, including the family every 90 days. So this is very disconcerting to me that the facility blindsided you like this.
there should be a resident and a family council group that meets on a regular basis.
If there is one thing that I cannot stress enough is how important it is for the family to get to know the administration and staff VERY WELL.

It is also important to know that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If this is a large chain, I would call the national customer service hot line with your concerns. If it is a small chain, contact the president of the organization with your concerns.
if it is a family run business or religious organization- go to the head of the organization.
when is doubt, always get the state ombudsman involved. They HATE that. But it sure gets their attention. that, my friend, is the squeaky wheel getting the grease.
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If this meeting is for a family member, call and ask what it is regarding so you can come prepared. I never go to a meeting without preparation...I don't enjoy being "blindsided."
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I would make them tell me what the meeting is about -go fathur up the chain of command right to admistration if need be so you are not wasting your time and refuse to meet them until you know what it is about so you can prepare for the meeting-most good nursing homes have family meeting 2 weeks after admision and if in rehad each few weeks and about every 6 months for residents but these are always explained to the family-if you do not get answers go to your state board of health with your concerns.
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I agree (once again) with Lilliput. Get a reason for the meeting first and tell them you will not attend until after you know what it's about. You need to go into the meeting prepared. It may not be anything to worry about, it may be just a routine update. But sometimes administration just kinda takes it for granted that the caregiver is "just supposed to show up" when they want to discuss things. Also, take a notebook and write down everything - not just at meetings but ALL the time. I always walked around the hospitals and rehab centers with my notebook and pen and documented EVERYTHING I observed with dates, nurses and staff names next to it. I had the date on the page the moment I walked in the door, and went from there - even wrote down things that mom mentioned to me or that I heard from her roommate or in the hallway - whether good or bad. At meetings I was always writing things down - we tend to forget things an hour later after we leave the meeting. You'd be surprised how many times those notes came in handy weeks later. It also made staff very nervous (as they called me the "girl who always takes notes") because they knew they couldn't say or do anything without it being documented. See if your County has a "Council on Aging" that can assist you. First I would speak with the Social Worker at the facility - I found them very helpful with my mom and I - and they are not there supporting administration, they are there helping the patient and caregiver. They should assist you with information and if things are not being run correctly at the facility - they will know the organization to call and report it. When I told the social worker at my mom's rehab of a comment made by staff at a local assisted living facility that I was checking out, she immediately picked up the phone and called authorities and reported them. So check out the social worker to help you, tell them you will not attend meeting without first knowing what it's about, and DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT everything you see and hear. Good luck. Keep us posted.
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My mother's rehab/conv. has a meeting two weeks after the patient is admitted, and after that it is on a quarterly basis. I'm thankful that they do this, because they can keep me updated, and it gives me an opportunity to give my input. (I.E. my mother talks about going home often) If we are all on the same page, we are going to be giving her the same information--"this is a transition time for her and the best situation for her at this time"...) I'm not saying one thing to her only to have the staff say something entirely different. We can have a "game plan" and stick to it. We do the same thing at our school when we have conferences with the parents of our children. I think it is a great idea. Please keep us updated as to what the meeting was about. It is never easy if it is a difficult situation to for either party to discuss the issues, but hopefully you can all come up with a good solution to benefit all involved. :)
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Get an elder care attorney who will advocate for your Grandfather! Is it within the realm of possiblity to move him to a more appropriate facility? I know this is hard. I cared for both my Grandparents and also my parents. take care and God Bless!
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Gordon: I know this may make more work for you, but have you consider spreading out your search to neighboring towns? It may be worth having him a few miles away if he is getting better care. I know he feels comfortable at his NH (my Mom really reacts to change) but he entrusted you to advocate for his health. Even if you have to limit your visits to twice a week or so, you can at least rest at night knowing he is cared for properly.
There are lots of red flags in your posts and I read fear and frustration in your voice. I would be worried too.
Keep him there for now. Start searching for other avenues for care. Talk to the folks at your senior center about where their loved ones reside. Ask friends and co-workers about their family...everyone my age has someone who is in a facility. I also find that talking to the social workers at my local hospital helped a lot. Another great resource are adminstrators at assisted living centers because many of their residents transition into NHs and they know the best ones. Their feedback is the best you can get.
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Coach, I am so sorry that you feel that my message was a little over the top. I have dealt with hundreds of nursing homes over the past 20 years and there is a consistency. When you have this level of communication going on in a building, it starts at the top with the administrator. I look at each nursing home as a little kingdom, the administrator is the top dog- king or queen and the DON is the queen ( or prince or princess) . The rest of the staff are the serfs of the kingdom.

everyone responds and emulates the top. When I hear a problem like this, you can go to the administrator. Rest assured, whatever has been going on, has been discussed in many meetings. with many staff. So forgive me, if I seem to be too harsh on the nursing home staff- I know the workings and this is eventually the route anyone with a problem must take to get results.

I always recommend that the family get to know the administration really well first. But, this is a step that I would not hesitate to make in any facility, especially when and if I was blindsided by the team, unprepared. The nursing home industry is regulated more than NASA. they must report everything that happens to a resident to a family member.
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While it is important to be prepared for this meeting, it likely is a required Level of Care plan meeting they have on all patients. I've found they "the staff" become so busy, they forget the simple things (not that communicating with family should be considered a simple task). Anyway, you can always speak with the Administrator. Know that as a family you have rights. I would encourage you to connect with their Social Worker for guidance and details. Best Wishes!
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